The Perfection of My Insanity

This here gun

There's not a cure for what I have.I checked.                                                      Not a single drop of medicine will help me ..yet.                                                You try to cure somthing you call an illness.                                                            Try to lock away the only thing I know best.                                                     Searching for somthing you can't find.

Trying to cure the maddness......

That's in my mind.

He did this.It's his fault.I feel something wet on me face but all I feel is sweat.It's coming from my eyes...I'm crying.

No no no I promised myself.

"You promised yourself..stop crying stop stop stop" I tell myself out loud. I wipe my face rapidly and my mother tried to calm me.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!!!!"I yell at her and she jumps.I run upstairs to my room.I slide my hand under the pillow and grasp the cold gun.I hear my mothers foot step coming up the stairs and don't bother tring to hide it.

I hear her gasp but I don't look at her no I'm too bussy looking at this gun.This gun has one bullet and that one bullet will save my life.This gun has one bullet and that one bullet that one bullet will do what I wanted to do for a long time.........kill Niall Horan.

I smile at the thought and take the saftey off the gun.

"Now Diamond put that down ok" my mother says with a shaky voice.

"Oh but why mother so you can take us away and put us in an insane asylum?" I laugh "Oh nooo I'm way smarter than that"

"Us?" she asked.

I must have included the voices too.

"Move!" I yell pointing the gun at her and she puts her hands up and backs away from the door. I run out the and down the block.I don't think and run past the house.

'Hey kiddo remember me....

You should ......YOU KILLED ME'

"No I killed Jake I didn't kill you" I say under my breath. I see some guy at the top of the hill.He must be here to check out the body...if it's still there.I must look crazy right now just staring at this house.To a normal person I would look crazy but if they knew the story...my story. I don't think they would ...would they.

I might actually be going insane.Most people would say that I'm troubled and that I need help but I like me. I do need help but I'm not going to get it.I like being different I feel alive.People excist but they don't live they are trapped by the laws of society and they don't even know it.Given an indiviual face to hide their true selfs and they think that's enought.Sad. I guess what I'm tring to say here is that I'd rather be insane than normal...at least I would know that my mind doesn't play by the rules.

I was about to see who that guy was but when I see a rock being through right past my face I already know...and could be more happy.

"Hi Ni"I say not taking my eyes off of this house.I already know that he is grinding his teeth.

"H-H-Hi  m-m-my  n-name's N-N-Ni..." I mock him .I want to look inside the eyes of the boy who ruined my life.

"Shut the hell up!!" he yells at me.

"Pathetic!!" I yell back and hear him run toward me. Why not kill one where I killed the other.

"You fucking bitch I'm going to kill you"he yells after me and suddently I have the best idea. I stop running and turn around.Niall punches me in the face .I let him. I grab the gun and his hand and put his finger on the trigger ...just over it.

"Do it"I say letting his hand and the gun go and grabbing the nose of the gun.

"Go ahead pull the trigger...you said you wanted to kill me anyway so here pull the fucking trigger damnit!" I yell looking into his soul.I'm suprised he still has one.

"But I didn't...

"Oh so you can beat me until I'm almost dead but you can't finish the job!!"I yell again and I see I struck a nerve here.

"I can't!" he says "I could never kill someone" he finishes.

"Oh but you already have,Niall" I say snatching the gun from his hand."You killed me ,Niall, You really did.Three fucking years of you mental and physical abuse and I died on the inside" I knod and just he stares at me.

"I know that is a fucking lie and in your heart and soul you do too" he says as if he doesn't believe me.

"Even if you look hard enough I guarantee you won't find any of those inside of me"I reply.

"Really you want to play the fucking victim ,little innocent Diamond does nothing wrong. Please, you fucking tortured me sence the day I met you and you didn't even know my name.You destroyed me and now I'm just returning the damn favor. I loved you with eveything in me and you didn't show a shit of emotion towards me" he yell crying and I don't feel anything but anger.

"How dare you say that.You didn't fucking love me I was your middle school crush ...if that.I didn't like you boo- fucking- hoo Niall didn't have control so he decided to ruin her life and make her want to kill herself. Smart plan." I say waving the gun in the air.

"Y-You want to kill yourself?" he said with a shocked expression.

"You seemed suprised as if that's not what you wanted anyway"I say just above a whisper as a single tear makes it's way down my face. I see his hand come up but I smack it away.

"You can't kill yourself you have your whole damn life ahead of you don't end it beacuse of me ok I'm sorry!" he cries and all I do is smile.

"It's too late now sorry can't fix me and why live what I already know will be an unhappy unsatifactory life.Why not beat dead at his own game, huh, the ugly truth himself. Why avoid the inevitable I want to imbrass it"I say with teary eyes staring at the wall behind him.

"You're fucking insane" he said wiping his tears as I put the gun too my head.

"Then leave me with the perfection of my insanity"I say pulling the triger and the last thing I remember was Niall reaching out for the gun.......

"I still love you Diamond"