The Perfection of My Insanity

cross my heart

Diamond's Pov:

"Take the fucking pills,Diamond" yells my very angry father staring into what's left of my soul.I stay silent as he holds the tiny white circles in one hand.

The person calling my phone was my mother letting me know that she was coming to pick me up and drag me back to hell or home, same difference.

"Take the damn pills" he yells once more. I can't help but imagine how Jade's mom would deal with this situation.

She wouldn't deal with this.She wouldn't force her own child into doing something that would only cause more harm than good.She would listen to her child not a pill bottle.

"If you don't take these motherfucking pills right now....."he trails off letting me imagine my punishment.

"Or what, all you're going to do is chop them up and put them in my food anyway" I snap and he looks suprised by my out burst.

How dare he force me to take pills that will make me "normal".Who is he to determain what's normal for me or not. What gives the company who makes these pills the right to place the scale of who is "normal" or "insane".I refuse to take pills to take away my self control, my right to feel my own emotions, my...me.

I know that any other person would want there feeling to go away and disappear after getting beaten throughout their entire middle school experience, almost rapped three times, tried to kill themselves and failed, slipped into a comma,drugged,and amost died countless amount of times but surprisingly not me.I don't want to feel in fact I would prefure to be completely numb but what I want isn't important ,what I need is to feel. I need to feel the pain and the hurt and the good things too.I need that to remind me of why I fight.

Fight to be free and feel to be human.

"I'm not going to take those pills" I protest and make my way up stairs.

My heart jolts with happieness when I don't hear footsteps following behind me.

I almost shit a brick when my phone goes off. I read the ID and it says Jade.

"Hello?" I pick up the phone cautiously.

"Oh my god, Diamond finally you pick up the phone I've trying to call you for-"

"Jade you know it's a saving grace to hear from you but how the hell did you get in my contacts" I ask ceriously.

"Oh, when you where past out from...the other night I put me number in there so if anything happens like that again you can just call me"

"Mhm ok and now what where you saying something sounded very urgent?" I say with the phone between my cheek and my sholder attempting to unpack my bag.

"Yeah, you see I was wonder what in the hell happened with Jay because he looks like a damn ticking time bomb and when I asked him why he told me to ask you and then slammed the door in my face like he always does.Diamond what did you do to get him all worked up?" she says and I can tell she's pacing back and forth.

"Me you should be asking your stupid brother what's wrong he's the fucking liar here" I laugh trying to picture him all riled up probably slamming his fist into something....shirtless.

"Wait what did he lia about" she says sounding little robotic through the phone.

"Well it started last night when there was a leak in the roof of the guest bedroom so I tried to go to your room but someone locked the door. So I had to sleep in Jay's room and do to the wet covers from the leak I couldn't sleep on the couch down stairs...."

"Wait!,wait!,wait!" she yell cutting me off,"You've seen his room?" she gasps in shock.

"What you haven't seen the inside of his room before you're his sister" I say now almost finished with putting my close up.

"I've seen parts of his room when he leaves his door open and sometimes when he's not home but Jay rarely lets other people in his room" she explains.

"Oh,well anyway I slept in his room and while he way sleeping he way tossing and turning and it was pretty obvious that he was having a nightmare.So when he let me out of his death grip and....."

"Wait!,wait!,wait! you slept in his bed and he had his arm around you...awwwww" she cuts me off yet again.

"More like eww, but anyway as I was saying he let me up and when I asked him about his nightmare he totally snapped and when I basically kicked his ass in the arguement he had nothing left to say" I finish leaving out the arguement that Jay and I previously had that night.

"Oh, well this little feud you to have going on better go away because there's a party that I'm going to and you're my plus one" she practically screams into the speaker.

"Uh,no thanks I'm still in recovery" I spit stuffing my now empty bag into the back of my closet.

"No it's not like that it's my cousin's Bar Mitzvah so there's going to be close to no alcohol" she said sounding proud.

She must of senced my hesitation because she started telling my all these things about starting a new and how this would take my mind off of the other night.Finally I gave in.

"You promise, no alcohol" I say trying to sound as serious as possible.

"Cross my heart and hope to die"