The Perfection of My Insanity

Brave the world

Diamond's Pov:

I did it, it's done, I killed him. I stand up off the cold floor and look down at my work,my bruises masterpiece. I take a second to think and I quickly look for rags to clean my mess.I wiped my finger prints from the entire house and the knife.

You did to him what Niall should have done to you.

I shake my head trying to get ride of the voices. I run out of the house not looking back.I pick up my clothes and head home. Night has fallen and I smile to myself. Oh how I envy stars in the sky. How they glide in the night without a care in the world. No responsibilities no worry no fears.Oh how I envy the stars in the sky.

I walk up to the door and take a deep breath. I twist the knob and walk in. I feel diffent now I don't feel alive though I know I'm not dead I'm in a daze. It feels as if nothing can bother me and nothing will. I sloppily my way into the kitchen. I'm walking as if I'm drunk. What is wrong with me.

As I enter the kitchen I see a normal sight my father drinking and my mother grieving.

    "Where the fuck have you been" my father yells. I just stand there as my brain tries to catch up with everything that is going on.

I just killed a man.

I almost got raped.

In a sudden rush I was on the floor a stinging pain on my cheek.

    "Answer my god damn it" he yells in anger .I lay on the floor staring at my mother just sitting there like nothing has happened like she doesn't even care. I look up to see my father taking off his belt. I close my eye and attempt to prepare for the beating that is to come but then again nothing can prepare you for this. The two people in the entire world who are genetically altered to love you. When you were born and the first time they hold you they swore to love and protect you and now look, they beat you.They blame you. They lie and yell and cause the tears in you eyes.They tell you they love and that the wipes on your back are for your own good and when you cry they tell you to shut up. I want no more of the beatings.I want no more of the yelling and the lies or the smell of cheap beer when they kiss you goodnight. I don't want it and I didn't ask for this. I wish it would stop,all of it, but wishing won't do it and hope won't either. Wish on a shooting star and all your dreams will come true.

If you have hope then everything with be ok.

If your faith is strong then God will help you.

I wish it was that easy but it's not you have to suck up your tears and do it yourself. I reach up my hands and catch the belt mid-air. I pull it out of my fathers hands and toss it to the ground.I make my way off the floor the entire time staring my father in the eye. My mother runs over in a panic.

    "Oh baby where did this blood come from" she says. I wouldn't know if there was worry in her eyes because I was still looking my father in the eye. She must be talking about the left over blood from Jake. I still stand there looking at my dad and ignoring my mother's question. It's funny how she can now care about the blood on my hands and not my dad beating me. He takes a swig of his beer and walks away. I yank my hands away from my mother and make my way to the shower.

I peal all my clothes off and turn my back to the mirror. All the wipes and bruise on my stomach,back,legs,and arms. All the scars on my face and shoulder. The dried up blood still spattered on my face and hands. I feel the blood from my lip run down my troat. I must have bitten it too hard. I step in the shower the water feels like lava on my fresh cuts but I don't turn it down.I let it wash all the blood and dirt away.I watch it carry it down the drain but not the pain or the hurt not this time.

After I clean myself I sit in the corner of the shower stuck with the voices.

"BITCH"

                              "NO ONE LIKES HER"

"JUST KILL YOURSELF"

                 "YOU WON'T BE MISSED"

"I HOPE YOU DIE"

            "GET IN THE FUCKING HOUSE"

"ANSWER ME GOT DAMN IT "

I can still picture his dead face the blood everywhere.

I can feel the chain of thoughts just choking me. I wish I could just die.

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                       Next Week

I wake up in the morning ,another day to live another day to wish to die. I put my foundation on and welcome the new buise on my cheek. I pull on a long sleeved shirt and some long skinny jeans with some black boots.

I've already earned a screamming threat from my father for missing the bus and a slap to the back of the head for not putting up the dishes. So now I'm in a awkward car ride with my mom.

    "I hate how he yells at you he's so bipolar I would have devorced him if it weren't for you" she said with her eye on the road. Thanks mom for just telling me that I'm the reason that you're unhappy.I really appreciate it.

I have to deal with this on a regular. She'll tell me that she hates my beating but wont say anything until the next day. When the nightmares are still fresh in my mind. She touches my shoulder and a flashback of Jakes face appears. Get in the fucking house!

"Are you ok" I hear my mothers voice.The answer is no obviously but I won't tell her know that it would be another inconvenience in her life, the bussy christian woman. So I shake it off and brave the world.