The Perfection of My Insanity

That Damn Red Dodge

Why would he want me anyway? Of all the girls, why me? Maybe because I'm not falling into his trap or whatever. Maybe it's because I'm a virgin and he has some weird fetish. Is that even a thing? I'm just such an idiot. He's obviously trying to use me and I'm not going to let him. I can't let him.
"Diamond?" Jade hums next to trying to get my attention. I snapped out of it and faced her. Oh god, I was almost drooling.
I was no longer in Chemistry class, thank god. If I had been, I don't think I would have gotten a lick of work done. I was now sitting in Ms.Yoles English class along side Jade. "Sorry, I've just been a little destruction." I sigh out. If only she knew.
"Is it Jason?" She asks. Well damn, maybe she does know. And she sure knows how to cut to the chase.
"What?" I ask as if I don't know what she's taking about.
"Is there's something going on between you two?" She asks again. Why me? Why fucking me? Fucking, why me?
I silently begged her to stop asking questions that I don't know the answer to.
"I don't know." I sigh again. I couldn't say yes and I couldn't say no. Admitting that I had no idea was the only way to handle this.
"Well that's an automatic yes." She laughs and rolls her eyes. Whoa. What?
"Diamond, you've kissed him, seen his room, slept in his bed. There's obviously something going on." She smiles at me. Something told me that if Jade knew what ever it is that's going on with Jason and I, she wouldn't be too happy. I'm glad to see that I was wrong.
"I guess I never thought of it like that." I started to pick at my jeans. How do you live with someone that long without seeing their room?
"Why doesn't Jason let you into his room?" I ask, not looking at her but continuing to pick at a loose thed on my jeans.
"I just never have." she wasn't looking at my either, she was playing with her pencil. It was silent for a moment but then I gave her my 'Jade Willings, couldn't find loophole' look.
"He's never actually yelled at me for being in his room. It's just, I don't know." she sighs again, trying to justify how the great Jade couldn't get her way, "Ever since we were kids he's had that big, fat, stupid fucking 'keep out' sign plastered on his door. Ever since we were kids he's mostly kept his door closed and never let me inside. If I asked, he said no and that was the end if it." she stated like it was some law, like it had been drilled into her head.
"You've never just gotten a sneak peak when he was out?" I laugh. It couldn't be that difficult see his room.
"Nope, he locks the door or I was always too scared. I've only seen some parts when the door was cracked open. I dont see the big deal. " she shrugs her shoulders at me and shakes her head.
"Scared?" I burrow my eyebrows at her.
"Well like I said, he's never threatened me or anything, he's never yelled at me it's just...that look." She gestures with her hands, "That stupid fucking look he'll give me. It scared the shit out of me and I don't know why. So I never go in his room and if he doesn't want me to, then I won't." She says staring off into space. Her eyes were glossy as if she was about to cry.
She's scared of him. She's terrified of her own brother. I've seen his look but how could it make her feel like this.
"Jade." I said her name softly not knowing if she would look at me and cry or even answer me at all. Maybe I was asking her if she was okay. I couldn't ask if she was okay, that would only make things worst...asking if someone is okay always makes them cry.
Why was she so afraid of Jason.
There were about fifteen minutes left in class. I rubbed her back to sooth her but I said nothing. She would want to dry her tears before class ended. She hated for people to see her cry just as much as I did, maybe even more.
She took her thumb and wiped her small tears away, making sure not to ruin her eyeliner. She took three deep breathes to calm herself. It suddenly felt stupid to continue rubbing her back like this.
I twirled my thumbs in my lap as I watched her break down and then build herself back up. She plastered on a war face like I'd never seen before and she looked up at the ceiling, taking one small final sniffle and she was back.
It was kind of amazing and also kind of scary to see her reconstruct herself like that in just a matter of a minute.
Class was over now and I filed out of the classroom along with the herd of students all eager to get the hell out of there. Third period was pretty plain as well. Luckily, there wasn't anything important that I was supposed to be paying attention to. We had a substitute teacher that was too old to work the smart board so we could take notes like usual. So, we just sat there, conversing like usual. I didn't know anyone in this class. It's not like I wanted to know these people anyway. I just sat there as the white noise that was student chatter and gossip went on without me. I was counting down to the seconds we got out. I was ready to just ask to use the bathroom and never come back when I hear my name.
I tuned in on the voices as they continued their conversation.
"Yeah, I don't know why but Amy just fucking hates her." One girl said to another. The girl gasps in response but other than that she remained silent.
"Oh my god, she even said one time that she sent a hate letter to her house." The girl said, desperately trying to contain her laughter.
"I wonder what did she do to piss Amy off so much?" Said the other girl, finally saying something.
So that low life bitch is the one who sent that letter to my house. That was like last March. The girls were still giggling in the back of class. I wonder what I did to piss her off? Either way I'm glad the feeling is mutual.
I can't describe it. I don't care what she does with her body, it's her's and she can do whatever she wants with it. God knows I can't bash her for whoring around when Jason did the same thing, or does the same thing. I roll my eyes at myself.
I just hate her, she's a judgmental, bratty, bitch who judges people when she had no room to judge. Not only did I detest her but she wants Jason, Jason! And I'll be damned if she gets him.
Those possible minions of Amy were still giggling behind me.
I was boiling at this point like what the fuck was so damn funny! The second I was about to turn around and chew them out, class was dismissed.
I grab my things and go trying my hardest not to explode. The hallway swarming with people. Rubbing up against each other and bumping into you. Some saying sorry others blaming you and all the while trying to get to a class nobody wants to be in and half will be late to.
I roll my eyes as some black girl with too much lip gloss on bumps into me and then smacking her lips at me. Like it was my fault that she wasn't looking where she was going. I wish there were rules or something for this shit. Like at least some specific way for people to get to their god damn class without bumping into the entire student body. Instead of conducting a smart efficient system for this shit, you have people slugging around like zombies bumping into each other.
I could've made it to class, walked to the second floor and still had time to use the bathroom in the time it's taking me to walk through this crowd.
I take the time to scan over the variety of people in the hallway as I trudged through this teenage traffic jam. They were tall, short and medium. Red heads, blondes, and brunettes. All types of heights, hair colors and races. So many people just crammed like sardines in a hallway. So many people.
I was almost to my class and the hallway was slowly thinning out. I was actually able to make out people now. I saw the two girls from my previous class flipping their hair and laughing still. I saw more familiar faces that I didn't know the names to.
So many people.
Just a little further down the hall and I was about to reach fourth period. Just a little further.
Some bright blue eyes caught my attention through my peripheral vision. I followed them to his face. Niall's face.
No No No No
God no please, no.
It felt like I got hit in the gut. Like all the air decided to abandon my lungs in their time of need just as my brain had realized who he was. Oh no please, no.
It was too late, his eyes had found mine as all the heat drained from my face. My fight or flight reflexes kicked in and I decide to fly. I turn my heels to walk in the other direction. Fuck that, if class was down there I don't give a damn. I was speed walking my way through the crowd. Bumping into people, pushing them out of the way. I didn't care if I was that one bitch in the hallway, I had to get away from him. I turned around to see if he was following me, like every dumb girl in every horror movie. I hit a wall and almost got knocked on my ass but something held me up by the waist.
I was so on edge, I couldn't be here right now. I look up, only to see those gray eyes staring down at me.
"Hey." He said still not taking his eyes off me. I was almost drawn in again but the possibility of Niall being here pulled me out so fast I might have gotten whiplash. My eyes darted around for him but he was nowhere to be seen. Gone just like the ghost he is. I sighed in relief.
"Who you looking for?" Jason said, his deep voice tempting me into the void once again.
"No one." I said relaxing my body. I realized that my hands were on his shoulders and pulled them away. Quickly after, Jason dropped his hands from my waist. "Where are you going?" He said running his long fingers through his hair. I honestly didn't know. A part of me was still afraid to go down that hallway . I shrug my shoulders and scratch the side of my eyebrow.
"You're biting your lip again." He states and I quickly release it from my teeth. I hadn't even noticed that I was biting it. He was starting to make me nervous in that way that he does.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I was growing more uncomfortable by the second. He didn't answer me, he just continued to stare at me.
"Where do you go after fourth period?" He asks as he crosses his arms. That navi blue button down with the sleeves rolled up.
"Why do you want to know?" I cross my arms as well. Why is everyone asking me all these questions today.
"Don't be difficult, Diamond." He rolls his eyes at me.
"Difficult, me? No, I think you're just being nosey." I fake smile at him. How could Jade be afraid of him, yes, he's a little intimidating but he's her brother.
"We need to talk and if you have lunch after fourth period, like I think you do, then that would be a good time." He caves in, Jason Willings, caves in.
"About?" I let out a long breath. I really don't need this on my plate right now.
"You and me." He said with wide eyes as if it was obvious. I felt like the bell was about to ring any minute now and I would be late to class.
"Class is about to start, Jason." I tell him and begin to put some distance in between us.
"Look, just bring your jacket." He grins down at me and taking a step closer. He shoves his large hands into his pockets but not before I catch a glimbs of his still bruised knuckles. It was the small details in him that catch my attention, like his knuckles, his almost jet black hair, perfect trimmed at the sides, and beautiful gray eyes just below his dark eyebrows. I even noticed his perfect lips that I now realize are lacking a little black ring. His legs part when he stands, like he's preparing himself for something. He has strong legs like he played on a sports team but god knows he's not a team player. He wore a black watch on his right wrist. These small details about him were all I knew for sure.
"Hello?" He sings, waiting for my answer. I roll my eyes at him, running my fingers through my hair.
"We'll see." I inhale deeply, trying to suck in some courage as I turn to walk away from him. I was done answering people's questions for today and walking away from him felt good. It felt empowering. But that feeling didn't last long. He took a good five long strides to catch up to me and grabbed my arm, twirling me around to face him. It amazes me that it didn't hurt, it felt so fast and swift. Painless. Just the static touch of his finger tips.
"I'll come and get you after class." He smirks down at me. Telling me instead of asking like usual. With that, he left. Taking his static touch with him.
And just as I felt like I could stand against him.