not throwing away my shot

Chapter 8 - The Almost Kiss

POV JOHN
Lying awake is pretty easy when you have something on your mind. And when that something is snoring softly on the bunk below you, it's not simple to think of anything else. Quickly, I realise I'm not going to get to sleep anytime soon so I end up tiptoeing down the ladder, the cold metal of each run tickles my feet, making my toes curl up. I slip on my big, navy blue, comfort hoodie and all I can think is Alex asked me to kiss him. I don't know if it was the drink talking... all I know is I really wanted to. The way he bit his chapped lips when he asked... but I wasn't willing to take advantage of his far from sober state.

I saunter into the bathroom humming satisfied, reneé's song about wanting to be with lin as Hercules snores heartily in the bedroom. I'm just running myself a glass of water when I feel a pair of small arms lace themselves around my waist. Oh god I've woke him up and he's not sober yet. Shit.
"Hey Johnny wonny" he mumbles, nuzzling his head into the back of my hoodie
"Hello Alexander"
"You shmell very nice" he slurs
"Thank you mr Hamilton"
"Why... why don't you fancy me?" He asks, making me turn on him, completely startled.
"What do you mean?" I gasp, stunned by the situation unfolding. Looking at him breaks my heart, his small frame is hunched over, tears staining the corners of his beautiful eyes.
"I - I just don't know what I can do to get you to like me" he sighs dramatically, slumping to the floor, leaning against the shower.
"Why would you want me to fancy you huh?" I feel my heart booming as I sit down next to him.
"Because I really, really like you" he snuggles himself into my chest.

What?! He can't like me... can he? And yet I can't help but feel an intoxicating happiness course throughout my body. It's everything I've wanted to hear and more, i know it's probably not true, but I feel giddy with excitement. I study his face with such concentration, to the world it's obvious I'm utterly love struck, completely in awe of the boy a few inches away from me, with that in mind and knowing he won't remember a thing in the morning I whisper:
"I rather like you too"
"You're silly." Alex giggles shaking his head.
"V-Very silly" I manage to choke out, as he moves slightly closer, our noses almost touching.
"I want to kiss you" he mumbles, snapping me back to reality.

He's drunk John. This isn't right.

"I... I think we should go back to sleep" I lean away from him, his eyes fill with disappointment, but I know in my heart I've done the right thing. Getting to my feet I hold my hand out to help him up "C'mon mr Hamilton, let's get you to bed"
"I sleepy" he slurs as he stumbles back into bed "no, no don't go" he mumbles as I try to climb the ladder to my own bunk
"What do you mean?"
"I feel lonely John, please don't go"

I hesitate before shuffling myself under his blankets. Almost instantly he nestles himself in the crook of my neck, weaving his arms around my waist as he gently paws at my chest.
"I'll never hurt you, I swear" he whispers, barely audible before drifting into a dreamless slumber. I feel a single tear of happiness tickle my skin as it drips down my cheek. Dear god he's perfect. I snuggle into him, holding his small frame close to mine, slowly and gently I fall asleep.

And for the first time in months I have no nightmares.

The early morning sun pierces through the curtain like a knife, making me groan and shove my head back under the duvet. What time is it? Where am I? Why is there... SOMEONE ELSE IN MY BED?! Oh god why is there someone else here?! terror strikes every cell in my body and then it all comes flooding back making me rip the sheets off my head. I'm met face to face with two very concerned, very blue eyes.
"Did... did we?" Alex's raspy hungover voice asks tentatively
"No! No we didn't!" I laugh relief flowing through my veins as more memories flood back "but yes you were very drunk Alex"
"Ughhh" he groans throwing his head in his hands "I'm so embarrassed"
"Your dancing was rather questionable I won't deny" I chuckle, poking i him playfully in the ribs, trying to coax him out of his uncomfortable state. It ends up turning into a full on tickle fight, him squealing and crying with laughter as I find he is particularly ticklish under his left rib.
"Nooo!" I cry as he gets the upper hand, pinning me with his forearm. He looks so beautiful. A manic grin on his face, his raven black hair sticking out in every direction. I watch as the smile flickers from his face as his eyes dart to my lips. My eyes widen as I feel my heart rate quicken, I run my thumb up his cheek, our lips are millimetres apart when-

"Good morning mon ami!"