not throwing away my shot

Chapter 9 - Storm Time

It's the chapter no lams fic can go without. Yes that's right. It's the storm chapter™.

POV ALEXANDER
"Good morning mon ami!" Lafayette cries before realising me and John are in the same bed. It wipes the smile clean off his face and replaces it with pure shock "my god"
"No! No we didn't no!" I exclaim trying to scramble out the sheets but end up just straddling John - not helping our case.
"I'll leave you to it" he smirks, making me topple off the South Carolinian, hitting the floor with a deafening thud.
"I have class soon" I mumble trying to hide my embarrassment by pulling a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt out. I have no idea what I told John last night or if I told him anything at all. For all I know I didn't say anything, but I hate being in the dark... first and last time I ever drink that's for sure. I rub my temples, god the hangover is bad enough to make me quit drinking by itself.
"Ooh Johnny boy's blushing" Hercules chuckles as I pull my t-shirt over my head
"I'm not!" John covers his face "it's... it's just quite warm in here..."
"Warm? There is a storm coming mon ami! Quite the opposite of warm" Lafayette laughs but it makes my skin crawl with anxiety, like a thousand spiders are creeping over my body. I hate storms. I'm not scared of many things, but bad weather? I can't stand it. It reminds me of my family... of the hurricane... of everything I held dear being ripped away from me.
"You alright Alex?" John asks "you're as pale as a ghost"
"I'm fine, thank you" I plaster a fake smile on my face "see you guys later"

Likelihood of storm : 98%. Brilliant. I think to myself as I slip my phone back in my pocket. First I get caught sat on John, now I'm sat in a class with jeffershit and later it's anxiety central. Perfect.
"Hey hamilton" ah I was wondering when my headache would return.
"What do you want Jefferson?" I sigh staring into his shining chestnut eyes
"You" he runs his index finger along my jawline
"You really shouldn't touch someone without permission"
"Don't be bitchy Hamilton"
"Being a bitch is my main personality trait" I shrug "but I was simply stating the truth"
"I'll see you around Alexander"
"That's Hamilton to you"
"You want me"
"Yeah I do" I whisper seductively leaning in
"Oh really?"
"Yes. I want you... to piss. Off."

Throughout class all I can think about is how much i want to be with John. I've never met someone so caring or kind or funny. Somehow his infectious giggle and gorgeous sense of humour has nuzzled its way into my previously untouchable heart, and I'm not mad about it.
The way he is so selfless, so brave... the fact he looks like he's been sculpted by Aphrodite is just a bonus. The hour flies by in daydreams of the sweet freckled boy.

While I trudge across the courtyard I can feel a speckle of rain tickle the bridge of my nose. Oh god. Not now. I take a deep breath as my hands begin to lace with sweat. Keep it together Alex. Unlocking the door the dorm door with a trembling hand I notice nobody is there. Phew. None of them have to find out how mentally screwed up I am.

You're okay Alex.
Breath in.
You're safe.
Breath out.
It's just a bit of rain.

A crash of thunder makes me scream in terror, I can't breathe. It feels like I'm having a heart attack, I can see the faces of howling mothers and fathers as they hold their dying children in the eye of the hurricane. I can see my brother's face, the desperation before he was swept away by the flood water, how I had to let go of his hand...

Tears stream down my face as I clap my hands over my ears, I end up curling in a ball and hiding under the desk. Just when I thought I was past all this, that I could maybe live a normal life, my anxiety rises it's ugly head once again. I rock myself back and forward, the rhythmic movement weirdly calming.

BANG! Another crack of thunder. I sob uncontrollably, making me want to vomit. I want to claw my skin off, why did I get to live when so many died? I couldn't seem to die...
Thousands of voices screaming and shrieking for their loved ones, dead bodies lining the streets-

"Alex... shhhh shhh, you're okay, you're okay" a soft, comforting voice pulls me from my trance,
"J-John?" I sob as he shuffles himself under the desk, pulling me into a strong, grounding hug.
"You're safe angel, you're safe, I'm here"
I sob into his shirt as he rocks me like a baby, then eventually, slowly and steadily my breathing comes back to normal.
"Y-you probably think I'm an idiot" I half heartedly laugh "crying over rain"
"You're the opposite of an idiot Alexander. You are perfection."

I'm stunned into silence, I can't even hear the storm I'm so shocked.
"I really like you John" the words tumble out my mouth.
"You mentioned that last night actually" he chuckles making me feel a crushing embarrassment
"Oh god never give me tequila again"
"For the record, I really like you too"

E x c u s e. m e. W H A T ?!

I open my mouth but no words come out.

My brain has stopped working.

I've forgotten how to breath.

He... likes... me?

"Can i kiss you?" He looks me dead in the eye.
"I-I think that would be very nice yes thank you"
My heart booms inside my chest as he leans in, his nose tickling my cheek making me gasp and then suddenly with no warning his lips crash onto mine. He digs his fingers into my hair, tangling it beautifully. He wraps his strong, toned, muscular arms around my waist, pulling my body closer to his. It would appear a hot marine biology student is a better cure for anxiety than any breathing technique. He runs his hand up my spinal chord slowly, making me shiver with excitement. I bite his lip gently making him moan quietly.
"You're everything I want and more" he mumbles breaking away, a huge grin plastered on his face. I look into his eyes, the little speckles of gold in his iris' adding a priceless quality.
A tear slips out of my ducts from pure joy, I've never felt so happy.

He makes me feel safe.