not throwing away my shot

Chapter 1 - Nice Face

First chapter is a bit angsty but I promise it will mainly be fluff hehe
Trigger warning: domestic violence

POV JOHN
My name is John Laurens. No, not Lennon, or legend. Just plain and simple John Laurens of New York City. Currently studying marine biology and roomsharing with my control freak boyfriend. Charles Lee.

Life could be better if I'm being perfectly honest.

Every morning I wake up and pull my knees close to my chest and cry as silently as I can. I hate how my life isn't my own, not anymore. Every morning I trace my fingers down all my scars, the ones left by my father, the ones left by my boyfriend. The ones left by the people who are meant to care for me the most. Every morning I open the curtains in our room, soundlessly of course. Charles doesn't like being disturbed. Every morning I pray to the early morning sky please let me escape him.
"What are you doing John?" Charles hisses. Shit. I've woke him "it's 5 in the morning. Are you deranged?"
"I- I couldn't sleep" i stammer, my hands laced with sweat
"Go back to bed now."
"Y-yes of course. Sorry to bother you" I start fiddling with a loose thread on my pyjama bottoms.
"I love you John, you know that right"
"Of course I do. I know, I love you too"

Charles controls who I meet up with these days. No seeing Lafayette. No seeing Hercules. No texting them either, he checks my phone. No contact whatsoever. I miss them more than they know. I miss how Lafayette would help me with my coursework whilst making awful french jokes that only he understands. I miss how Hercules would watch 'Angus thongs and perfect snogging' religiously because of his crush on Robbie.

"I'm gonna go for a walk, if that's okay" I whisper, secretly hoping he doesn't hear or is too sleepy to care.
"Don't be long, and don't go meeting those friends of yours"
"I won't, see you in a bit"

As I step out into the crisp morning air, I fill my lungs with the scent of a near by cherry blossom tree. My breath condenses as it laps itself into a cloud of water vapour. It's then I notice a small figure hunched under the weight of a massive rucksack, I can barely see them, they're just a silhouette.
"Hello?" The petite person calls out "this is kings college right?"
"Uh yes! Yes it is!" I answer.

As I draw nearer I realise it's a striking looking boy and I can't help but notice how stunning he is. Even in the dim light of the sun rising behind the skyscrapers I am in awe with him. He has long, silky, raven black hair tied messily in a bun, huge magnetic violet-blue eyes and prominent cheek bones. I quickly realise I look like a maniac gawping at him like this and turn my gaze to his extended hand.

"Alexander Hamilton. My name is alexander hamilton" he grins, I hesitate in shaking his hand. What would Charles say. But I push the negative thoughts away and grab it enthusiastically.
"I'm John laurens" I smile back "what are you doing here?"
"I got a scholarship and honestly-" he takes a deep breath and looks at the college building
"-Im pretty scared"
"There's no need to be scared. Most people here are great. I mean one law student thinks he can pull of magenta but other than that, it's... nice" I chuckle
"Magenta? Oh dear god" Alex laughs throwing his head back, he has a raspy, intoxicating laugh, one that made my heart flutter.

Stop it John. You have a boyfriend.

"Do you know where room..." he glances to a piece of scrumpled up paper "... 1776 is?"
"I do actually!" My heart leaps "that's my friend's Lafayette and Hercules dorm!"

An excuse to see the people I miss most in the world.

"D-do you want me to show you the where it is?"
"That would be amazing thank you John" he smiles, creating dimples in his porcelain skin.

Man, he's so cute.

As I knock on the door of room 1776 all I can think is they won't want anything to do with me. They'll hate me. Maybe if I explain to them why I haven't seen them? Or tell them what Charles has been doing? No. Charles would hurt me. I couldn't tell them.

I won't tell them.

I'll drop off Alex and leave.

I can't burden them with my problems.