not throwing away my shot

Chapter 17 - The Jefferson Kiss

Trigger warning: mild assault
POV ALEXANDER
"Hey jeffershit"
"Hey Hamilthot"
"Touché" I grin plopping down next to him in the library "so what have you done so far?"
"Absolutely nothing" he sighs "have you done any?"
"Yes, wanna hear? Mines about John adams" this assignment is to give constructive criticism on someone else in the class, I wonder who's got me...
"Let's here it" Jefferson smiles as I clear my throat
"An open letter to the fat, arrogant, anti-charismatic, national embarrassment known as councillor John adam's" I watch as Jefferson's face falls.
"Uh Alexander-"
"We're all calling you a dick in room '76 and you haven't done anything new since. You're a nuisance, with no sense, you will die of irrelevance! You can go ahead and call me the devil , you aspire to my level, YOU INSPIRE TO MALEVOLENCE! YOU FAT MOTHER FUCKER!"
I puff, completely out of breath from my outburst "or something like that, maybe a few tweaks here and there"
"It's certainly bold" he laughs
"Any improvements?"
"How about you lose calling him a motherfucker and a dick?"
"No"
"Cut the fat, national embarrassment part?"
"Nah ah"
"Well I mean other than that it's perfect" he chuckles
"Thanks" I mumble opening my textbook, my mind wandering to John. I think about what he's doing right now... probably swooning over mr franklin, the thought makes me smile to myself.

"So Alexander, where'd you move from?" He says abruptly, causing me to choke nothing.
"Oh just Nevis in the Caribbean..." I mutter turning back to my work
"Move with your parents?"
At this I feel a flush of anxiety course through my body. I don't feel comfortable with this.
"Um no..."
"Wait why not?" He looks at me curiously
"My father... my father actually left home when I was ten" I laugh halfheartedly
"Oh fuck... sorry I shouldn't of asked."
"No it's fine" I can feel tears welling up in my eyes, I really don't want to talk about this, especially to Jefferson.
"... and your mother?"
"She's... she's dead"
"Oh shit. My god, I'm so sorry"
"It's fine" I speak in an undertone, feeling more an more uncomfortable by the second,
"You of all people don't deserve that"
"Thank you" I smile weakly
"You want to talk about it?" He asks, placing a hand on my shoulder making me flinch.
"Not really if that's okay."
"Of course" he moves closer. I watch as his eyes linger at my lips, I notice him leaning closer and closer...
"Jefferson what are you-"

And then his mouth is on mine and I don't say no.

I have no clue what's happening, every fibre in my body is frozen still, my muscles tense before they truly realise what's going on. He's kissing me. In one swift movement I shove him off with such force he nearly topples off his seat.
"WHAT THE HELL?" I cry wiping my mouth in disgust.
"Hamilton" he tries to sooth me in a comforting voice "there's no need to panic"
"I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!" I jump to my feet before he grabs my arm, stopping me from leaving.
"And? He isn't the one for you" he leaps up, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion "don't you see that it's me you should be with?"
I want to laugh at him.
"I love John. I love him so much and nobody else compares. I really thought you'd changed"
"So you don't like me at all?"
"No!"
"God you really are an asshole" he scowls, his inner self resurfacing once again.
"Took you long enough to realise" I cry sticking my middle finger up at him as I storm out the library.

What have I done? I think as I pace up and down the dormitory, running my hands through my hair, waiting for John to return. He will be so upset.

The door clicks open and John walks in with a beaming smile. I almost instantly run into his arms and begin sobbing into his chest, he holds me tightly.
"Hey, hey what's got you like this lex?" He coos, stroking my hair calmingly.
It takes a few moments before I compose myself.

I have to tell him. I can't keep this from him.

"John..." I stare him dead in the eye, lip trembling "Jefferson kissed me"