not throwing away my shot

Chapter 30 - Confrontation

POV ALEXANDER
I can manage to keep my temper with John, I can mange to keep the pulsating anger that rushes through my veins under control when I'm staring into his calming caramel eyes, but what I can't manage, what I can't stomach is the man who calls himself my father. The moment my gaze falls on him back at the house, rage practically bursts from every fibre of my body.
"Alex! I have brilliant news!" He cries, pulling me into a hug, clearly not picking up on my animosity towards him.
"I've circled houses in New York that look perfect so we can have a-"
I watch his face fall as i hold up the gold trinket pocket watch. Within an instant I know John was right, the guilt that unfolds in all my father's features. I turn my head away from him, just the sight of his face makes me sick.
"How could you do this..." I mutter, barely a whisper
"W-what?"
"I SAID HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!" I yell making him flinch, my vocal chords trembling under the strain of the pent up anger. "ANSWER ME!" I spit, my skin burning bright red with betrayal.
"D-debt" is all he can stammer out.
"You bastard" I breath heavily, the watch clattering the floor as I lunch at him, putting all my weight into it "YOU BASTARD!" I screech, clawing at his face.
"ALEX NO!" I hear Lafayette cry in the distance, his strong arms quickly wrapped around me, trying to pull me off my father.
"YOU WERE NEVER GONNA BUY A HOUSE, WERE YOU!" I can feel my face dampening with heavy, angry tears. "BASTARD! BASTARD! BASTARD!"
"HERCULES HELP PLEASE!" I hear Lafayette wail and another pair of even stronger arms lift my tiny frame up with ease. I kick and scream but it's in futile as Hercules scoops me up like a baby.
"I DIDN'T NEED YOU BEFORE AND I DON'T NEED YOU NOW!" I scream at my father as Hercules' leaves the room with me slung over his shoulder and takes me to my bedroom, lying me on the duvet.
"Alex you're okay, he's not here" Hercules' soothes but it's no use, a decade of anger towards my father has drowned me like an overwhelming wave of crushing disappointment.
"Oh god lex" I hear the only thing that could possibly calm me down. John's voice. Just looking at him transforms my rage fuelled screaming into sobs. "I tried to catch up with you but you left the beach in such a hurry" he pants perching next to me.
"I've got it from here" he nods to Hercules' and Lafayette as he strokes my hair rhythmically, wrapping the other arm around me like a comfort blanket. "Lex I'm so sorry, I can't even begin to understand how you're feeling" he mumbles kissing the top of my head, rocking me gently. "My father is a dick, but he never pretended he wasn't"
I wail into his chest, my heart aching inside my own. I really thought I had a dad, a true father, a guardian who cared about me. How stupid can I get? How could I fall for his lies again? I only have myself to blame.

Finally, after 10 minutes of ugly, gasping sobs, slowly but surely my breathing begins to come back to normal.
"How come he doesn't want me John" I sniff, a final tear running down my face "what did I do wrong?"
"Alex, you are an angel. You are perfection, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Don't you ever think this is on you. I'm so sorry"
I hear the door creak open, but I keep my eyes screwed shut. Like if I can't see the world, nothing or nobody can hurt me.
"Get out." I hear John growl, unusually cold.
"I need to see Alexander"

My father's voice sends hot anxiety up my spine. I begin to sob into john's chest, tightening my eyes even further, my throat closing up with worry. I need my father to leave. I can't handle him right now.
"You're clearly distressing him" John manages to keep his voice steady "Get. Out."
"But I-"
"Leave."
"John he's my son-"
"I'm sorry but you lost the right to call him that sir"

And with that I hear the door click shut and John squeeze my shoulder in reassurance.
"I've got you Alex. I will always be here. I will always love you. I'll never leave you"