not throwing away my shot

Chapter 22 - An Unwelcome Guest

POV ALEXANDER
"Hey angel" i mumble kissing John's neck gently in the library.
"Alex" he hisses, a grin tickling his lips "there are people here"
"You don't wanna kiss me?" i pout dramatically, tracing my thumb across his smooth lips.
"i do not, not want to alex, but there's loads of people" he laughs, his eyes nervously flitting around the room.
"but i want a kiss" i giggle quietly, running my lips across his jawline.
"if you wait you can have one" he smiles subtly
"fine. You are the only thing worth waiting for"

I turn back to my work but it's no use. How can the education curriculum expect me to focus when a boy who looks like he's been sculpted by Aphrodite is sat next to me? In normal cases there's no stopping my work flow - when I'm in the zone, I'm in the zone. But John is my bane, my Achilles heel, my essay's worst nightmare.

Instead of placing my pen to my paper, I start drawing on John's hand.
"Excuse me?" He chuckles as I dot to dot his freckled skin.
"Look I've made andromeda" I grin at the constellation I've created on his wrist.
"You like astronomy?"
"Of course! Whats not to love? Oh my god I can see Orion on your nose-"
"It tickles" He giggles as I draw on his face
"You're so beautiful I swear to god" I mumble as my eyes flit to his lips
"You still wanting a kiss huh?" He smiles leaning closer, making me nod furiously.
And then he presses his lips against mine, moving his mouth gently against my own as I place my hand on his knee, setting of fireworks inside of me.
"Ahem!" A tall, stern librarian with pursed lips and jet black eyes calls to get our attention, making us break away. God i just want to kiss John's face off.

"Hamilton" Mr Washington grabs my attention, seeming to appear out of nowhere.
"Mr Washington? I didn't see you as a regular library visitor" I laugh
"As per usual you are correct son but I've come to give you a message. My wife Martha is head of site staff and wants me to let you know you have a visitor"
"Oooh" I beam, excitement running up my spine "I never get visitors"
"I wonder who it is" John says looking equally intrigued
"Let's go find out" I grin grabbing my boyfriends hand "Thanks sir! See you in class!"

"I'm so excited to see who it is" I jump up and down like a puppy
"Maybe it's the queen of England" John jokes, tickling me in the ribs
"Or Daniel Radcliffe" I laugh
"Or Paddington bear"
"Or-" but the air is knocked clean out of me by who it is. It's not the president or Julia roberts or Charles Darwin it's ... "my father"

"Hello son" he mumbles
My blood is boiling with rage as I clench my fists
"Oh my god" John gasps, placing a hand on my shoulder.
"How have you been son?" He asks like he's only been gone a day,
"What the fuck?" I spit at him returning to my senses "you show up after nearly a decade and expect everything to be okay?"
"Well no but I assumed you be better off without me. You, your brother and your mother were always better without me"
"Better?" I feel my heart stinging with the wounds of my past life "was it better when you left us in debt? Was it better when a hurricane killed my brother and your son? Was it better when you made me an orphan?"
"James... is dead?" A tear trickles out of his cold grey eyes.
"And mother"
"No..."
"Yes."
"Oh Alexander I'm so sorry" he lunges to grab my hand, but as a reflex I take a step back.
"Don't you dare touch me" i hiss
"I just thought we could maybe go back to being father and son-"
"IF THAT WAS EVER AN OPTION IT WOULD BE FOR ME TO CHOOSE. NOT YOU."
John takes my hand in his strong, calming ones. "You don't have to do this, we can leave if you like" he whispers reassuringly in my ear.
"Who are you?" My father looks inquisitively at John.
"That's none of your business, but he's my boyfriend" I glare "and me and my boyfriend are leaving"
"Alexander, son, wait-"

With one last glance, I look him up and down.

"You may be my father but you're not my dad. And I'm certainly not your son."