not throwing away my shot

Chapter 31 - Double Trouble

POV JOHN
The whole ride back to college Alex doesn't say a word. He just sits in silence, holding one of my hands in his whilst I drive with the other.
"I love you" I whisper for the millionth time as he stares longingly out the car window, his nose pressed against the freezing glass.
"I'm okay John... I'm really okay..." he mumbles mindlessly, tightening his grip on my hand.
I hate seeing him like this. I hate seeing him so... helpless. Its like his fighting spirit, his incredible confidence has been extinguished. I'll never forgive his father for doing this to him.

As we pull up outside the college, I turn to face him, unclipping my seatbelt, cupping his delicate face between my fingers, like I'm holding a butterfly that could flutter away at any second.
"Alex I know you're hurting, I know this sucks so bad. I understand how your feeling, the loss of a parent is just... the worst feeling in the world. But you are better than this. I've seen you go through worse and be better. And the way to feel better is to stop fighting it. Stop saying your okay when you're not. Let me in. If your feeling crushed, tell me that. You show him what he's lost, show him how big of a mistake he's made. Be incredible. Be Alexander Hamilton. Now tell me, how are you really feeling?"
He stares at me, his big violet eyes swelling with tears.
"I'm not too great to be h-honest John" he stammers, lip trembling
"I know baby, I know" I mumble, pulling him into my chest "And it's okay to feel like that"

We sit like this, intertwined in each others arms for about 10 minutes, me stroking his hair rhythmically until he sits up slowly and pecks my lips.
"Thank you" he smiles weakly, running his index finger along my jawline "that was exactly what I needed. You are the best boyfriend"
"I love you angel"
"Who wouldn't" he chuckles raspily
"Now that's the Alexander we know and love"

I notice his gaze drift away and his face fall.
"You've got to be kidding" he hisses
"What?" I laugh, until I realise what he's looking at. Or should I say who.

Thomas Jefferson and Charles Lee are stood by the college gates, kissing.  I feel my stomach churn with anxiety as images of Charles hurting me filter into my minds eye. Before I know it Alex is stepping out the car and-
"HEY JEFFERSHIT!" He cries, cupping his hands around his mouth to accentuate the noise "THE BEST WAY TO GET OVER ME ISN'T BY RUNNING YOUR HANDS OVER THAT GREASY GIT AND POSTING INDECENT IMAGES OF MY FRIENDS!"

It's like the world is moving in slow motion, like I'm glued to the car seat. All I can do is watch as Jefferson swaggers towards Alex, his towering height making my boyfriend look even smaller than he actually is.
"You're not hard to get over Hamilton" he sneers, folding his arms.
"Excuse me? I'm fucking perfection" rests his hands on hips making the corner of my lips curl into a smile. He's back. Alexander Hamilton is back. It gives me the strength to step out of the car and rest a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
"Too right he is" I grin proudly.
"Wow can Hamilton not stand up for himself?" Charles smirks from behind Jefferson, sending my brain into a downwards spiral of panic.

No John. Stay calm. Stay calm for Alex.

"Have you met Alexander before?" I laugh, covering up my anxious thoughts "he doesn't need anyone to stand up for him. But that doesn't mean he hasn't got people who are willing to"
"Aw is Johnny boy in love?" he mocks, taking a step closer, clenching those awful fists of his.
"Fuck off Charles" I can feel my whole body start to tremble, my heart thumping inside my chest like a drum.

He's going to hit me.

He's going to hit me.

It's all I can think as he glares maliciously with his narrow, jet black eyes.

Except he doesn't hit me.

He doesn't even lay a finger on me.

He's punched Alex.

Right in the gut, with such force Alex is buckled over, coughing and spluttering in pain.

My hands react before my mind does, my fist colliding with Charles cheekbone, the sound deafening.

What have I done?