Wilder Dreams

Chapter 76

As a couple of my former teammates had to go back to their jobs of course, they really wanted to stay. Although I reassured them I would absolutely keep in touch. It's been an emotional roller-coaster, considering I started physical therapy. Having to have a real conversation about my future with soccer, and I have a 30% chance of ever getting back into soccer, but even then.. I wouldn't be as effective as I was when I was playing. It's been hard to even imagine my life without it.

"I'll see you soon" Tobin tells me as she leans in for a kiss, but I move my head slightly to where she kisses my cheek. She pulls away confusingly.

"Tobin.. we talked about this" I whisper to her, so only she can hear. She nods sadly, and gives me a hug. She's going back to Portland, since they have training, almost everyone does. Except for some teams but they still have lives to live. She grabs her bag, and heads towards her Uber driver. I wave goodbye to her, and now she's off.

"Are you sure I'm not intruding? I don't want to disrespect you guys"

"Alex we're not doing anything wrong, besides Tobin and I aren't together.. it might have been 2 years for her but for me? Technically it's been only 3 weeks.." I tell her honestly. I had a long conversation with Tobin about it all, and she claims to be over Christen. While that may be true, it's still a very open fresh wound to me.

"Now can you please take me shopping instead of therapy.. it's such a drag" I pout, and she chuckles.

"Not a chance" she tells me grabbing the keys to Carli's SUV.

It was a comfortable silence on the way to the rehabilitation center. I've actually met quite a few folks there. Many of them being War veterans or other accidents, I met a man who's leg was amputated after a shark attack. He still goes swimming!

It's such a secluded hospital, which I'm grateful for because the world doesn't yet know I'm still alive. I haven't thought of a way to announce it, we agreed it would be best if I met with the young girls parents before anything. They deserve to know where they're child is buried, and a rightful tombstone.. with her name. A proper funeral as well, it's just  been hard coming to terms with what I did..

Arriving to the facility, I show them my badge. They let me in, and Alex. I walk to the elevators with her. It's been nice having Alex around, I didn't realize how much I've missed her company. Even before we even dated, I always felt like her presence was needed in my life. Moving on from what she caused to me unintentionally has honestly gotten past me considering how bitter I wasn't about it.

"Hey you okay?" Her raspy voice bursts my thought bubble. I turn to look at her, giving her a small smile.

"Yeah I'm okay, I was just in thought" I tell her

"Making sure, because I'm holding the elevator doors before they close on us" she tells me chuckling, and my face goes red. We quickly exit the elevator.

"Sorry" I apologize, and she waves it off.

We took our seats in the lobby, waiting for my name to be called. I notice Alex's hand on the arm rest of the chair, and I have the sudden urge to hold it. I don't think she'd be comfortable with it but I move my hand closer to her, only centimeters from each other. I extend my middle finger, touching the tip of her index finger, and I look up to her. She was already staring at me.

"It's okay" she whispers as she holds her hand out me. I take it, and I hold her hand against my thigh. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss this feeling, her touch. The comfort she gives me when we're in contact. It's a comfortable silence as we sit there, nurses walking by. Patients checking in or leaving.

I rub gently the back of her thumb. I think she notices my uneasiness. I'm always nervous coming to these things, knowing that every news I get hasn't been positive whatsoever.

She was about to open her mouth to say something but my name was called out by a nurse waiting patiently by the door, looking around. I stand up with Alex, walking ahead of her to present myself too the nurse. She lightly smiles at me, greeting Alex and I. She takes us the down a hall way, taking a right and a left. We come into a room with a big window overlooking a park, and a 4 way street.

"How are feeling today? Any pain ?" She questions as I hop on to the message therapy chair. She takes a seat on a rolling chair. Pushing herself towards me.

"Yeah actually, there's a sharp pain that comes and goes on the top part of the back"  I tell her. She puts gloves on, as she listened intently to me.

"Mind if I pull up your shirt?" She ask me.

"Not at all" I tell her, she pulls my shirt up. Pressing down on spots on my back, telling me to let her know if it hurts any of the areas. Her gloved hand caressing lightly on the scars on my back, I'm quite insecure about them. I let her know where to stop on the spot of my back, directly on my spine. She presses down but there's no pain from it.

"Does it hurt?"

I shake my head, I can see her nod from the corner of my eye. She slides to the computer. Taking her gloves off, she starts to type away on her computer.

"Have you been doing anything that might be straining your back?"

Before I'm able to answer, she quickly looks back to me "haven't been playing soccer have you? Because you know we have a lot of work to get through before your able to even do that"

"No ma'am I haven't, if I'm being honest.." I look towards Alex, she gives me an encouraging look. "The sharp pain only comes with I'm having a PTSD attack.." I admit. She turns around too look at me, studying me. I felt intimidated under her gaze.

"Thats a good sign" she tells me, and I look at her confused.

"We can work through this, this has to do with your ptsd. The brain has a way of playing this trick with you. Unless maybe there's something else but we can schedule a day to further examine it." She tells me positively. She gathers her paperwork before leaving the room.

'The doctor will be right with you, and Look Sage.. things will only get better form here now. Trust the path" she tells me before saying goodbye to Alex too. Alex makes her way over to me, leaning her behind against the bed so she was next to me. Having a good distance from me.

"How are you feeling?"

"A slight bit of hope" I slightly smile. I feel it for a lot of things not just my therapy but rebuilding a lot of my friendships. Especially with Alex, we had wasted time being apart for so long but I'm glad she held on.
Carlos and Ash told me how much Alex hurt after I had Allegedly died. How much she blamed herself, how much she cams up with theories on how my buriel or how my death seemed off. She never gave up even when people thought she was crazy.