Taming River

Chapter Seventeen

*trigger warning: mention of rape*

KAILEE POV

"Need anything else?" I asked, standing by the door of the spare bedroom.

Cameron smiled as she faced me. "Nope, I'm all good."

I tapped the door frame and nodded. "I'm right across the hall, if you need me."

I left and entered my bedroom. River was laying on her stomach, staring into space. I walked to the bed and laid on my side, facing her.

"Hi," she whispered.

"Are you okay?" I reached out and moved some hair out of her face.

She smiled a bit and nodded. "Can we talk now?" She asked. "Because I know you said you didn't do dicks, but then you gave me a chance. Then you freaked out and I just want to understand."

I closed my eyes, sighing. I sat up and looked down at her. "I know, I know. I want to be with you but there's some things I have to tell you."

She carefully turned to her side to face me better. She gestured she wanted a pillow and I helped her get comfortable. She stayed silent, waiting for me to talk.

"It happened a long time ago," I started, looking at my fingers. "I had a girlfriend, my first girlfriend." I smiled slightly at the memory. First date, first kiss, holding hands and being happy, thinking 'this is it'. First love, so young and innocent. "I was fine when it came to sex, and everything that came with it. Jada and I had been together for almost a year. We were happy or as happy as two seventeen year olds can be. Then one day her cousin, Parker," I closed my eyes as I said his name. "He came to spend the summer holidays with them. He used to give me looks and subtle flirtatious smiles. It always gave me the creeps." I hadn't looked at River since I started talking. "I told Jada about it and she confronted him, but he brushed it off saying I was crazy. I stopped going over at her place and we started fighting, because I wouldn't go around for her family dinners anymore. I tried telling her how uncomfortable I was, she did understand to some point but we were kids." I shrugged. "One day I went, just to please her and because I was tired of fighting with the girl I loved." My voice broke and I felt River take my hand that was clenched into a fist.

"You don't have to go on, baby." She spoke softly.

I shook my head. "I need too." I didn't look at her but watched as she caressed my hand. "We had dinner with her family and of course we had another fight. She wanted me to stay the night but I just couldn't, not with him there. It seemed silly but there was just something about him that made me feel unsafe. I stormed off and began to walk home. Halfway there, I realised someone was following me." I chuckled dryly to myself as I thought about it. "I know how to fight, Riv. My dad was in the military, of course his daughter knew how to defend herself. But Parker was a big guy, 6'2, bulky and strong. All it took was one good hit and he had me." River hands grasp mine tightly. She was angry, I could tell because even without looking at her, I felt her body tremble with rage. She stayed silent though. "I was laying on the ground as he tore my clothes off and did whatever. I couldn't even scream by then. Just as he entered me, his weight was thrown off of me. I scrambled to the corner, and saw someone beating him mercilessly. I watched and cried as my saviour hit him until he passed out."

I finally had the courage to look at her. "It was Edward. I know I probably should've been scared but the look in his eyes told me differently. He came closer while taking off his jacket, and I looked up at him. His eyes held safety and warmth. For the longest time, Edward has been the only one to help me when I fall. Jada couldn't look at me after that, she wrote me a letter saying she was sorry and that was it. Parker went to prison for rape, my dad made sure he stayed there. It seemed like everything was at a stand still for me though. Blame, guilt and hatred for myself. Ed helped me through it, even though that night was the first time we met. He came by and checked on me, for the first few months he was the only one allowed to touch me in any way. Not even my parents got to do that. He saved me in more ways than one."

I wiped my tears and then River's, she still hadn't said anything. "I'm not hurt over it anymore. I pulled myself off of the ground and realised a long time ago that, none of it was my fault."

"It wasn't, I'm going to kill him. What prison is he in?" She asked, her eyes bloodshot and anger filled.

"No, that's not why I'm telling you this."

"Why didn't Captain kill him, or why didn't Edward finish him off?" She got up and stood.

I could see the pain in her eyes from the sudden movement. She ignored it, clenching her jaw tightly. I rounded the bed and took her hands in mine.

"Riv, hey breathe. It happened, he paid for it and now he's dead."

Her eyes snapped up to mine. "He is?"

I nodded and moved closer. "He hung himself a few weeks after." I replied emotionlessly.

River cupped my face in her hands, making me look directly into her green orbs. Anger, pain, compassion and dare I say love. Her eyes always told me everything.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. She placed a barely there kiss on my forehead and stood back. "Are you afraid of intimacy now?" She asked quietly.

"Lay back down." She didn't argue because I knew she was in pain. We resumed our position before I answered. "No, I'm afraid of penetration." I watched her frown slightly in confusion. "I've had two girlfriends since, I've had sex but without penetration."

"So, you mean like?"

I smiled and kissed her lips quickly, gaining a smile in return. "Yeah, like that. I give back but I only allowed oral on me, not even fingers. My body freezes up."

"The other day, did you think?" She asked with a hurt expression.

"No, baby no." I quickly spoke. "I am better but I had been thinking about intimacy with you. I guess I over exhausted my mind with it. My body reacted and the only reason I asked you to leave, is because I felt guilty. Guilt over leading you on, pushing you off like some monster. But River, I promise if I didn't trust you, I wouldn't have told you the truth. I wouldn't even be dating you. My parents and Edward are the only ones who knows and now you." I laid down facing her. "I want to be with you, I'm trying to push past my fears."

She did that staring thing again. I waited until she was ready to say something and she did.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" She asked seriously.

"What? River I just told you-"

"I know what you said and I want to know, if you want to be with me. Do you?" She held herself up on her forearm, hovering over me slightly.

"I do but I don't want to disappoint you." Reaching my hand up, I placed my palm on her cheek.

"You could never. I want you and you want me. I know I seem young and immature but I promise I can be everything you need. You never have to worry about me making you do anything you're uncomfortable with. Please, just let me be with you." Her eyes glossed over with unshed tears.

"I already know all of that, baby. I do want to go all the way with you, I'm just saying it's gonna take time." I caressed her cheek and she leaned into my touch.

"Be mine." She whispered against my lips.

"Okay." I whispered back and pulled her to my lips.

-E