Taming River

Chapter Forty Four

RIVER POV

I laid on the couch with Lexi on my lap, staring up at the ceiling. Visions of being beaten and tortured, taunting me. I shut my eyes not wanting to feel the slice of my flesh yet again, but his knife leisurely running through my body stayed with me. He had a sick smile on his face one minute then the next, he was crying.

"Riv?" A angelic voice filled my ears.

Opening my eyes, every tortured moment ceased to exist the moment I saw my love. Calmness and love surrounded me in a blanket of comfort and security. Alluring amber eyes, though they looked perturbed, were staring down at me with utter devotion. I let my eyes trail down to her stomach, it was showing her little bump. She was probably about three and a half months by now, or I could be wrong. How she thought I wouldn't notice every single detail about her, was beyond me. I saw the slightly added weight, the change in eating patterns and, the fact that she no longer drank coffee. My mind may be messed up at the moment, but she was my world. I'd always pay attention to the woman who owned my heart and soul.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked in a whisper.

She sighed and patted my thigh, indicating she wanted a spot. I picked Lexi up and slowly sat up. Our session earlier took a lot out of me and I was beginning to pay. I could tell she wanted to assist me but held back. She didn't want me to feel helpless but little did she know, I already did.

"How'd you know?" She fiddled with her thumbs.

"Wearing my t-shirts doesn't make your belly invisible." I smirked, reaching out to grab her hands.

Her cheeks flushed and she hung her head. "You just came back and I didn't want to pressure you." She looked up, troubled amber eyes staring at me.

I knew she was worried and scared. Everytime my mind wandered off or I woke up in sweats, she had every right to be. But I didn't want her to feel that way. There were still things I didn't remember. Like how I got out of the cabin or what made Wyatt change his mind about using the chainsaw. I had flashes of things that didn't make sense.

I also had gaps in our relationship. The pink carnations she had on the table near the window, she said I gave them to her. I didn't remember that but I do remember our first date. She told me I got her Lexi, but I only remembered thinking about getting her a dog but not actually doing it. For the life of me, I couldn't remember the first time we went all the way. My mind hurt from trying to, it felt immensely important that I did but I couldn't. However, I did remember the first time I pleased her.

"I'm happy, you know. That you're pregnant." I smiled at her. "I'm really happy, love." I cupped her cheek and she leaned in to my touch.

"Yeah?" She whispered, her eyes glossy.

"Yeah." I whispered back. She was having my child, our baby. I was fucking over the moon about it.

"I'm worried about you." She took the hand that cupped her face in her slightly smaller one. "You keep zoning out. Please, talk to me." She implored.

I don't know how, baby.

I didn't know how to explain how I felt. How would I even begin to explain, that I felt the pain that I couldn't remember getting. Everytime I looked myself in the mirror, I felt disgusted with myself. I loathed feeling broken and empty. That his face kept flashing through my mind, and that the only thing kept me from dying was her. I refused to burden her with details of that.

"I love you." I told her instead.

She sighed sadly, shutting her eyes. "I love you too."

I took her soft lips with mine but our kiss was broken by the doorbell. Kailee pecked my lips one more last before going to see who it was. I watched Lexi rolling on the floor while I waited. It wasn't long before she came back with a familiar blonde by her side.