Taming River

Chapter Forty Seven

RIVER POV

My back was pressed against the wall, arms wrapped tight around my knees which my face was buried in. My body shook with my sobs, after this nightmare I couldn't stop. Everything hurt. My head, my heart and my body. It felt like each of my wounds were reopened and I was bleeding out. All I saw was blood, and myself screaming in pain. I could feel the slice of my own flesh and I shivered in agony. Gritting my teeth, I let out a shaky breath.

"Riv, let me come to you." Her voice showed just how long she'd been crying. "Please, baby."

She knelt a few feet away from me. I managed not to hurt her this time but I wouldn't let her come near me. I refused to risk it. Since I woke up screaming she's been begging to hold me. Crying just as I did, for as I long as I did. I didn't like when she cried. It was close to someone reaching into my chest and tugging at my heart.

I shook my head frantically. "Stay t-there. D-don't come closer."

In my mind I could see his wild eyes, filled with madness. His cries one second and then utter insanity. How did no one know he was so unstable? Why wasn't it on record or something. The first cut was slow and shallow, the next, went a little deeper. Then they progressed to being stabs. I harshly rubbed my palm against the scar on my face, the burn suddenly resurfacing. My palm hit my cheek over and over, a lame attempt at ridding the feeling of cold metal running through my flesh.

"Stop it, you're hurting yourself." She pleaded in a pained voice.

"I said, don't come closer!" I yelled when she moved, inching towards where I sat.

A gut wrenching sob left her lips but she stayed put. "River, please, let me help. Just let me in."

My skin burnt a hot fire. The clothes that stuck to my body due to my sweating, felt like flames on me. I had to get it off. My hands ripped the suffocating items off and threw them away. I could hear Kailee's heart-rending cries but I was too far gone to care. Throwing the clothes off weren't enough, I needed something else. Water. I needed water. With shaking feet, I scrambled up and bolted towards the bathroom.

The cold water cooled me some. I folded into myself and cried harder. Bloodied body parts made my stomach coil in nausea. Blood, so much blood and it was everywhere. I looked down at myself, my flesh tainted in memories of that day. Forever a nagging, constant reminder I got to carry around for the rest of my life. I felt hands around me and I whipped my head to her.

"Don't." I tried to move away but she had a tight grip on me.

"Stop it, stop being stubborn and let me help you." Despite her strong tone, her face held angst. "Please."

Too tired to protest, I nodded and let her take over. The water streamed over both of us for a while before she stood up and shut it off. She helped me to my feet and together we stepped out. I stood still, looking down at the floor as she dried my naked body in the most gentle way. Her soft lips leaving a trail after each caress. 'I love you' repeated over and over, as though her goal was to imprint it into my brain, my heart already knew. She hurriedly stripped off her wet clothing and dried herself. Though I stood there watching her, there was nothing sexual about anything either of us did.

Once we were both under the covers, I found my place in her arms. The warmth and love she radiated, soothed my mental pain enough to relax. It felt like hours had pass before I spoke.

"He showed them to me." I mumbled quietly against her chest. Her hands tightened around me in response. "He put the chainsaw down and used his knife instead. Said he didn't want me in pieces because he liked me. Whatever the fuck that meant. After he was done with me, he dragged me to the room where he had the bodies. He acted so damn proud of himself, like it was his greatest achievement." I listened to her beating heart to calm myself and willed the bad thoughts away. "I don't know why he changed his mind about killing me but he did. Next thing I knew, I was stumbling on the side of the road, soaked in my own blood. Someone picked me up and the next time I came to, I was looking for you."

"I'm sorry." She murmured before pressing a wet kiss to my forehead, letting me know she was crying.

"It's not your fault." I kissed the skin above her heart. "I don't want to see them anymore, baby. It's too much. But it won't go away." I choked out.

"Shh, you're alright. You're not there anymore, you are here with me. Safe and loved with me." She whispered fervently. "Think of Cam, Ryan and your parents. Think of our baby, and of me. Of our love. Because that's all that matters, Riv. Everytime he comes to your mind, think of one of us, see our smiles instead of his face. Hear our laughter rather than your cries. Feel our love for you not the pain he caused. He's gone, you're not. You lived and fought through everything and came out stronger. I promise that's all that matters. I love you so much, River." Each word was filled with promise and an intensity so great, I didn't need to see her to feel the force of it.

"I love you too." Was all I could muster up.

I took each and every word she said and molded it into my brain. Burying my face deeper into her bosom, I deeply inhaled her lovely scent. It never failed to put me at peace. Sounds of her laughter rang through me, the first time I ever saw her was a memory I could never forget. That day my life truly began. She came into my life and flipped it upside down, turned me into a sappy mess. Something I'd forever be grateful for. How lucky was I to have met this woman? My dump self got this incredible being to fall for me. I knew exactly what I had to do.

***

I sat on the park bench, knee nervously bouncing as I waited. It didn't take her long before she showed up with a young boy by her side. I stood and hugged Angel despite her protests of letting her go.

"You like me and my hugs. Just admit it." I grinned.

The woman rolled her eyes and draped an arm over her son's shoulder. "You remember Liam. This is my friend River."

I held my fist out. "Nice to meet you."

He gave me a half hearted smile and bumped my fist before asking to go play with the ball in his hands. Once he reached a safe distance, Angel called out to let him know that it was far enough. I resumed my spot and she sat beside me.

"Visiting your paaents?" I asked.

She hummed. "We came for family day. How are you?"

I took a while to muster up an answer. "Horrible. Don't get me wrong, I have the support and everything, but sometimes I don't know how to handle my thoughts." Angel remained silent as I went on. "Kailee's great. She doesn't pressure me and I know I can always talk to her, but I still know I have so much to work on. She's having my baby. At times I'm scared I won't get better in time. Like the baby will come and my mind would still be a mess." I breathed out with a tired sigh. "What do I do, Angel?"

I looked to my friend and she turned to me with a smile. "Exactly what you're doing right now. You see the problem, accept that it is, in fact a problem and work on it. You're a happy person, Riv. It used to annoy the fuck out of me but it's also one of the things I absolutely love about you. She's still in there," Angel tapped my chest. "You'll get her back."

I rapidly blinked my eyes. "Did...you just say," I exhaled. "That you love me? Because I heard that."

"No, I didn't." She quickly replied.

I grinned big. "You love me."

"I really don't River." She grumbled.

"Yes. You love me. Angel Sofia Carter-Rose loves me." I wrapped my arms around the annoyed woman.

"Like I said, fucking annoying." She placed her hand over my face and pushed me away.

-E