Watch my Step (Friend Series #4)

Chapter 11

Lawrence: Hi.

I must calm down. It's just a simple hi, Step. Hindi na ito bago sa'yo kaya bakit excited ka na parang first time mong makatanggap ng ganitong mensahe?

Malalim ang bawat hiningang pinapakawalan ko kasabay ng malalim kong pag-iisip sa binata. I haven't seen him after his graduation. I have only heard that the de Silva Properties offered him a job. Ganoon din ang VIDA. At alam kong marami pang kompanya ang umaalok sa kanya ng trabaho. Pribilehiyo nga naman kapag graduate kang may honors.

Umiling ako at piniling itabi ang cellphone upang huwag matuksong sagutin ang message ni Lawrence. Yes, he's my type but that doesn't mean I have to go easy on him. I mean, given that I'm a playgirl and I'm easy with boys in fact, ayokong sa kanya ay ganoon din. I'm easy on them because I know that whatever I have with them will not last.

And there's Lawrence, who is serious, silent and smart is chatting me "hi." I don't know but I think he's what I want for a man. If he continues, I might consider of taking a serious relationship with him. After all, he's my crush.

Pero sa ngayon ay kailangan ko pang mag-aral. Lumabas na ang grades ko ngayong semester at may dalawang subject akong bumagsak. It must be because I always hanged out with my past boyfriends. Nakatulong din na wala na ang kapatid ko sa unibersidad kaya wala nang naghihintay sa akin pagkatapos ng klase ko. As for my parents, they're always out for business kaya hindi rin monitored ang mga whereabouts ko.

In spite of that, Daddy always keeps track of my grades. Isn't it petty? How my father keeps an eye on my grades more than my well-being.

Kaya sa natitirang buwan ng semester ay itinuon ko sa pag-aaral. Kahit pa ayaw kong makakuha ng mataas na grado ay ayaw ko rin namang bumagsak.

"Saan ka na? Ang tagal mo!" reklamo sa akin ni Samuel mula sa kabilang linya.

Kahit tapos na ang bakasyon ay may contact pa rin ako kanila ni Keith. Si Zack ay galit pa rin sa pang-iiwan ko sa kanya kaya hindi sumasama tuwing inaaya ako ng dalawang lumabas.

Ang sabi niya ay nasa labas na sila ng campus ni Keith. Galing pa silang St. Augustine, and to spend their gas just to drag me to, god knows where, was an effort. Hindi ko rin matanggihan dahil doon at wala rin naman akong klase ngayong hapon dahil biyernes.

"Palabas na. Atat na atat." I said as I quickened my pace. Nasa tapat na ako ng pinaka-istorikong gusali ng unibersidad nang makita ko sila.

My chin slightly dropped when I saw them nearing me. Kumaway pa ang gago. I muttered a curse as I put my hand down.

Biyernes ngayon at naka sibilyan kaming mga estudyante kaya siguro hindi napuna ng guwardiya. Nakasuot din naman sila ng ID kaya mas kapani-paniwala na estudyante nga sila rito. Sino namang gago ang papasok dito na hindi Josephites?

Edi itong dalawang nasa harapan ko.

"I miss you Tep!" Samuel said and hugged me.

I made a frown and pushed him. Narinig lang ang tawag sa'kin ng mga kaibigan ko ay ginaya na nito.

"Alam mo, ang luwag ng security niyo rito. Kahit yata magpuslit ako ng alak dito ay hindi mapapansin." natatawa niyang komento.

"Oo nga. Buti pa sa'min."

I rolled my eyes at them. Kung mayroon mang general characteristic ang mga taga Augustine, iyon ay ang pagiging competitive.

"Eh kung i-report ko kaya kayo?" pananakot ko sa kanila at kunwaring pupunta sa opisina ng guard nang pigilan nila ako.

"Biro lang," umakbay sa akin si Samuel at Keith. Umikot ang mga mata ko at hindi na rin napigilan ang matawa sa huli.

Sa ganoong sitwasyon kami nakita ni Daddy. He was heading out from the main building of St. Joseph together with the dean of my college and Tita Celestine.

Both our smiles faded the moment our eyes locked. I stiffened. My chest hammered and my breathing quickened. There's only one reason why I am seeing him here. It's about me, I mean my grades. It's about my grades. He must've known by now my failing grades. Goddamn it!

Nang mapansin ng mga kasama ko ang paninigas ko ay tumigil sila sa pagtawa at pinagmasdan ako. Mula sa gilid ng aking mga mata ay nasulyapan ko ang pagsunod ng dalawa sa kung ano o sino ang tinitingnan ko.

I tried to mask my fear when I saw him hastily bidding goodbyes to the two. I'm not afraid of him, I'm afraid of what people will about to witness.

Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa nararamdaman ng dalawa ang tensyon sa pagitan namin ni Daddy kaya sila na mismo ang bumitaw at lumayo sa akin ng isang metro.

Hindi ako umalis sa kinatatayuan ko hanggang makarating siya sa harapan ko. I didn't make any sound when his hard and calloused hand landed on my right cheek. Hindi pa man ako nakakaangat ng tingin nang hilain nito ang buhok ko.

I shut my eyes tight when I saw people staring at us. We're starting to make a scene and this is fucking humiliating.

"What did I tell you Estefania?" his voice was controlled, very controlled that I could hear his gritting teeth.

"Kailan ka titigil?! Kapag nagahasa ka na?! Kapag nabuntis ka na?!"

One slap and I fell to the ground. Marami ang suminghap kaya alam kong marami ang nakakakita. Damn it. I can't lift my face because of embarrassment.

I will not mind if he will abuse me in his study room. He can hurt or kill me for all I care. Hindi lang sa ganito kabukas na lugar para sa lahat. Ang daming mga matang nakatingin. I feel like I'm barely naked right now and I hate how I expose my vulnerability to the people.

Mas ikinatakot ko pa ang amoy na amoy kong alak mula sa kanyang hininga. He, being an alcoholic make this much worse.

Samuel and Keith are trying to make me stand but I evaded their helps. They're also trying to talk to my Dad but before they could even finish their sentence, Daddy was cutting them off.

"Kaya ba bagsak-bagsak na naman ang mga grado mo dahil sa putang inang panlalandi mong 'yan?"

I was shaking in rage. Gusto kong sumagot pero alam kong wala rin iyong kuwenta. I grabbed my bag from the ground and stood up. My eyes were still on the ground as I took a step back.

"Saan ka pupunta?!"

Hindi ako sumagot. I turned my back and walked straight to the gate. I never dared to look back until I reached Samuel's car. Ang mga yabag nila sa likod ko ay sapat ng indikasyon para malaman na sinusundan nila ako.

I heard the door clicked open, I pulled the door and climbed in. Sumunod din ang dalawa sa unahan. Mabilis akong umiwas ng tingin sa dalawa nang magtama ang mga tingin namin sa rearview mirror.

I feel embarrassed and mad. My father is scandalous and alcoholic. And I hate him for that. Hindi ko rin masisi ang sarili ko kung minsan ay hinihiling ko na sana ay wala na lang akong ama kung ganiyan din lang. That's why I want a man who is like my brother. Calm and composed.

Hanggang makarating kami sa pupuntahan ay walang sumubok kausapin ako. Tahimik lang kami buong biyahe at kung mayroon man akong narinig ay bulungan ng dalawa.

Bumuntong-hininga ako saka tiningnan ang labas. Nasa racetrack kami. Hindi ko alam kung bakit dito. Hindi rin naman ito ang unang pagkakataon na nakapunta ako rito. Minsan ay sinasamahan ko rin si Harvey tuwing may karera siya.

Nag-usap si Samuel at Keith. Minsan ay sinasama rin ako sa usapan pero wala rin naman silang matanggap na sagot kaya sa huli ay nagpaalam na silang magpapalit at maghahanap ng first aid kit sa locker room.

Soon as they left, I glanced at the rearview mirror. I winced when I saw my right cheek where he slapped me. Wala na rin sa ayos ang ponytail ko dahil sa pagkakahila niya sa akin kanina.

What my father did earlier flashed in my mind. I don't understand his way of parenting. Beating was his only penalty every time I do something that is illegal based on his law.

Is he really sadistic or I am just pushing his limits to anger him?

Sa aming magkapatid ay ako rin lang naman ang nakakatanggap ng pananakit sa ama dahil hindi naman suwail ang kapatid katulad ko. Luke's a responsible son. Then, I think of Mommy. Never once did I see him hurt her. My mother was very obedient too.

My anger boiled up when I saw a small cut at the side of my cheek. He successfully humiliated me in front of St. Joseph and getting humiliated is the least I want to happen to me. It makes me feel trash and so low.

Walang isip-isip akong lumipat sa driver seat at binuhay ang makina ng sasakyan. Recklessly, I eased Samuel's car backward and drove it to the track. I pressed my foot on the gas and I felt like I've lost my soul when the car was at its undeniably speed.

Suddenly, this driving made me forget my anger towards my father. The thrill and nervous overpower what I wasfeeling earlier. I didn't know that this is an effective distraction until now.

I bit my lower lip as I moved down the gearshift and step on the gas again. My grip on the steering wheel was so tight. A sign that I was thrilled. Tumingin ako sa side mirror at namangha nang makita ang kakaunting usok sa likod.

Hindi pa nakukuntento sa bilis ay mas binilisan ko pa ang pagpapatakbo. I even raced with other cars na kanina lang ay malayong-malayo ang distansya sa'kin. Kanina ko pa rin naririnig ang maingay kong cellphone. The two probably knew what I'm doing.

"If You're gonna take me, just take me right now. Take me already!" sigaw ko.

I have never been this brave to face death. And I have never been this fearless to ask for my death. Maybe it was my absolute madness towards my father that made me say it.

Here comes the long curve. If I don't survive with this, I will accept it. Sa halip magbawas ay muli akong kumambiyo at inapakan ang gas.

I am now leading the race. Bumuga ako ng hangin at mabilis na minaniubra ang sasakyan upang lumiko. I grunted when my head hit the window with my brisk turn.

My speed was too much that I couldn't control my car anymore. I set my foot on the brake pedal but I was too late for that. My car went out the track. Tumama ang ulo ko sa manibela and that's when I realized that I wasn't wearing my seatbelt.

The car was full of smoke. I coughed when I felt suffocated. Wala akong nararamdamang sakit maliban sa ulo kong tumama sa steering wheel.

I was coughing as I tried to catch for my own breath when the driver's door harshly opened. Wala akong enerhiyang umangat ng tingin kaya nanatili akong nakayuko, hinahapo sa ginawa.

Someone harshly pulled my shoulder. I grunted when my back hit the seat.

"What the fuck?!"

That voice.

I opened my eye and closed it immediately when I glanced at the owner of that voice. Affirm, it's him.

Si Kai.

After our last encounter at the coffee shop, I haven't seen him anymore. Ngayon lang ulit. At sa ganito pang sitwasyon.

He scooped me up and got me out of the car. Umubo ako nang umubo hanggang makalayo kami sa usok na nagmumula sa sasakyan.

He kneeled down his one knee and let me sit on his thigh. Marami akong naririnig na nagtatanong sa kanya kung kilala ba niya ako, kung sino raw ba ako. Marami ang usisero pero wala ang nagtangkang lumapit sa amin para tumulong.

"Call the medic." rinig kong utos niya sa kung sino.

"I'm fine." mabilis kong sagot para huwag na niyang abalahin pa ang inuutusan. Mabilis at malalim ang paghinga ko, ngayon ko lang napansin ang mahirap kong paghinga.

He swore when I tried to stand but my legs wobbled. His arm was quick enough to hold my waist. I feel like I exhaust myself at the end of my risky driving.

Inalalayan ako ni Kai sa paglalakad. Noong una ay ayaw pa akong payagan sa paglalakad at pilit akong sinisikop ngunit dahil sa kakulitan ko ay hinayaan na rin ako sa huli. Hindi ko man siya tinitingnan, hindi iyon naging balakid para hindi ko maramdam ang matalim niyang paninitig sa'kin.

We were walking to the bleachers when Samuel and Keith came rushing to us.

"Step!"

"Shit! Anong nangyari?"

"As you can see, I worn your car out Sam." pagod kong wika sa kanya.

"Hindi iyon ang tinatanong ko. Bakit mo ginawa 'yon?"

Umupo ako sa bleacher at kaagad na ipinatong ang ulo sa likod ng upuan sa likod. Pumikit ako ng mariin nang saka ko lang maramdaman ang sakit ng katawan.

"Nasaan ba kayo?!"

I arched my brow when I heard him shouting at the two. Akala ko ay puro mura na lang ang maririnig ko sa kanya.

"Teka lang Kai. Bakit ka nagagalit?"

Oo nga. Bakit ka nagagalit?

I squinted and saw his disturbed face along with my palpitating eyelids.