Watch my Step (Friend Series #4)

Chapter 25

My face grimaced. Quickly, I removed my hand from my neck. Hindi ito ang pinakamasakit na pananakit sa'kin ni Daddy pero ito na ang pinakamalala. My lips quiver when I could still feel his grip around my neck.

"Sa oras na bumitaw si Kai sa'yo, pagsisisihan mo Estefania. Kaya umayos ka!"

I closed my eyes. Vivid images of my furious father flashed in my mind. Kaagad kong minulat ang aking mga mata at sumalubong sa akin ang malamlam na ilaw ng aking silid.

Simula nang pumasok ako sa sariling silid kasama si Daddy ay hindi na ako lumabas pa. My father wouldn't let me anyway. Ilang minuto na rin ang lumipas nang tumahimik ang buong penthouse. They must have already left.

"Wala ka na ngang silbi, gumagawa ka pa nang suliranin."

I gritted my teeth.

Is it my fault?

Sa magkaibang pakikitungo niya sa akin at sa kapatid ko, alam kong hindi niya nais ang magkaroon ng babaeng anak. Kung anong ikinahilig niya sa pagkakaroon ng lalaking anak ay iyon din ang ikinadisgusto niya sa mga babae, sa akin.

Kaya maituturing bang kasalanan ko na ipinanganak akong babae?

Kung hindi, bakit ako pinaparusahan? At kung oo, sana ay hindi na lang nila ako binuhay pa.

Bumaling ako sa pinto nang bumukas ito at nang makitang si Kai iyon ay walang pagpipigil kong itinapon ang lamp sa dingding. The crashing sound didn't move me. Nanatili akong nakaupo sa gilid ng kama, hinihingal sa panggigigil.

"Why are you here?!" I shouted and started throwing things to him when he neared me. Ngunit wala sa mga iyon ang nakapagpapigil sa kanyang lumapit sa'kin.

"Step–"

"Don't come near me!" I shrieked. Nakaluhod na ako ngayon sa kama, handang lumayo kung lumapit man siya.

"Bakit ka ba nagkakaganyan?" he calmly asked.

I stared at him with no emotion at all. I know. I know that he is conspiring with my father to hurt me. Now, that he's acting so damn innocent in front of me heightened my anger.

"Don't play dumb! You know why I'm being this way!"

Bakit, bakit kailangan niya pang magpanggap gayong alam ko naman? This thing between us is deteriorating me. My relationship with my parents was already bruised. My marriage is now wrecking me.

I hate him but on top of that, I hate myself even more.

I was certain that I don't love him but why I'm hurting this way?

Hindi lang pisikal. Beyond that, I am hurt inside. Naiintindihan ko kung bakit ako nasasaktan sa ginagawa ni Daddy sa akin, iyon ay dahil sa mahal ko siya. Even how much I hated him for doing this to me, there's still a part of me feeling that I still love him because he's my father. At sa tingin ko ay hindi na mawawala 'yon. Bilang anak sa magulang.

But this man, who's kneeling in front of me, I don't love him. What I feel for him when I was seven was only infatuation. What we had when we're in college was pure lust and nothing more. What we have right now is a loveless marriage.

Hindi ko siya mahal pero bakit galit ako sa sarili at naabutan niya ako sa ganoong sitwasyon? Hindi ba't iyon naman ang gusto ko? Kaya bakit mas galit pa ako ngayon sa sarili kaysa sa Daddy at sa kanya?

He shut his eyes tight. It's like he's asking for a break. Our deep breaths are the only thing that is in harmony. While the other things are clashing. I was waiting for him to open his eyes so I could vent my anger on him again. He then licked his lips and nodded his head like he understood why I'm being like this.

Bumukas ang mga mata niya at huling-huli ko ang luhang pumatak na mabilis at marahas niyang pinunasan. I stiffened when his hand flew to my bed. He's trying to reach me but when he saw me trembling, he rested his fisted hand on his thigh. Kagaya kanina sa yate ay nakaluhod rin siya ngayon.

"Ano ang gusto mong gawin kung ganoon?"

I parted my lips, a bit surprise with his submission. Kung hindi ko lang alam na sunod-sunuran siya sa ama ko, iisipin ko ngayon na tuta ko siya. Nang magtama ang tingin naming dalawa ay iba't ibang emosyon ang nakikita ko sa kanya at parang nakakahawang sakit na kay bilis akong nahawaan.

"Ano ang problema, Step? We're good, then. Sa sobrang bilis mong magalit sa'kin ay hindi ko na masundan kung ano ang kasalanan ko."

"I'm trying my best to understand you because that's how a husband should be to his wife, iyon ang sabi ni Papa. You wanna be free, I'm letting you. You want me always gone at my own home, even if it's against my free will, I will always choose to leave to satisfy you because that's how it should be, right? Your desires above my own,"

I gasped for air when I saw a tear fell from his eye. He bowed his head and chuckled.

"I'm still young. Marami pa akong hindi alam tungkol sa pag-aasawa. That's why I'm trying to act mature just for this marriage to work. Dahil kung ang sarili ko ang masusunod, I will not let you free because you're chained to me. God knows how much I wanted to mark you mine. I will not leave you alone here. I will always want to be with you. Always."

"But seeing it now, loosening the chain didn't work."

He lifted his head and when his bloodshot eyes met mine, I'm sure as hell, I'm wounded.

"Let's fix this, Step. We will not sleep until we resolve our problems." determinado nitong ani.

"There's nothing to fix, Kai. Just go back to Barcelona and do your work there." Garalgal kong saad.

He quickly shook his head. "No, I'm staying."

Kumunot ang noo ko.

"Sa limang taon nating mag-asawa, wala akong ginawa kung hindi ang sundin ka. Ngayon na alam ko na kung saan tayo dinala ng pagiging sunod-sunuran ko sa'yo..." Umiling ito at sinubukang abuting muli ang kamay ko na hindi ko pinaunlakan.

"Hindi ko na hahayaang ikaw lang ang mag dedesisyon sa relasyon natin."

He smirked and reached for my hand. A smile crept on his lips when I let him fasten our hands together. He sat on my bed and pulled me to his chest. I groaned his name but he just chuckled. My heart ached when I felt his breath on my neck. I quickly pushed his face away from my neck.

"I miss you so much, my wife."

"Let's find the root of our problems. You tell me your side and I'll tell you mine."

Hindi ko pinansin ang mga pinagsasabi nito dahil abala ako sa pagkalas ng mga braso niya sa'kin.

"I'm tired and my head's throbbing, Kai. Gusto ko nang matulog."

"Hmm, if you're trying to evade this-"

"Totoong pagod ako." I dismissively said. Nang makawala sa kanya ay humiga ako sa kama at tinalikuran siya. Suminghap ako nang maramdaman ang katawan niya sa aking likuran.

"Later then." he said in defeat.

I looked at the floor-to-ceiling wall of our penthouse. Madaling araw na rin kaya unti-unti nang sumisilip ang haring-araw mula sa guhit-tagpuan. I sighed when he started brushing my hair with his fingers.

"When you told me that you want to have sex with other men over the phone and when you told me that it's not going to be raped if..."

I opened my eyes. My heart ached when his voice broke. I bit my lower lip to stop myself from creating any noise other than my breathing.

"When you told me that it's not gonna be raped if ever that happens."

"Were you disappointed that I came right on time?"

"Did you mean saying those, hmm?" he slightly shook my body but I remained unresponsive.

"Step." After calling my name thrice, he sighed. Akala ko ay tatahimik na ito kaya ipinikit ko na ang mga mata ko.

"I hope you didn't."

"Hearing you say those break my heart. Nasasaktan ako." suminghot ito at pilit na pinagkasya ang ulo sa gitna ng aking balikat at ulo.

I bit my lower lip as I feel him cried on my shoulder. Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal kong pinakinggan ang tahimik niyang pag-iyak sa balikat ko. Saka lang ako nakatulog nang bumangon na siya. He didn't sleep, I'm sure of that.

It was already afternoon when I woke up. Pagkatapos maligo ay lumabas na ako sa aking silid. Saktong pagbukas din iyon ng katabing kuwarto ko. Katulad ko ay katatapos din lang niyang maligo. I bit my lip when I noticed that we're both wearing his white shirt. Habang wala siya ay nasanay akong suutin ang mga damit niya at gayahin ang pananamit niya sa bahay. I didn't notice that it became a practice to me.

My heart is beating so fast the moment our eyes met. His swollen eyes reminded me of what happened earlier. It immediately inflicted pain in my chest. Sinubukan kong itago ang kaba at sakit na nararamdaman sa pamamagitan nang pag-bitiw sa aming titigan. Nilagpasan ko siya na parang hangin at dire-diretso ang lakad ko patungong dining area.

Umupo ako sa mesa at kaagad na nagutom nang makita ang mga nakahandang pagkain sa hapag. Kukuha na sana ako ng kanin nang tawagin niya ako sa aking pangalan. I tilted my head. Mula sa gilid ng aking mata ay kita ko ang dahan-dahan niyang paglapit sa kinauupuan ko.

"What?"

"Ima-microwave ko muna." paalam niya at kinuha ang mga pagkain sa hapag. Hindi ko mapigilan ang sundan siya ng tingin. He's acting fine. Made me think if he really is.

Between the two of us, I have always thought that he's the invincible one since he's a man. But when he broke down last night, he's vulnerable as me. I may be good at hiding my vulnerability because I was stone cold outside.

But Kai, he may be playful at times but he also has this side of being serious... and mature. When he said that he's trying to act mature, he already has embodied it. He's grown up. Ako lang yata ang hindi.

Inilapag niya sa harap ko ang mainit na mga pagkain. I felt uneasy all of a sudden when he sat across from me. Hindi pa rin siya kumakain? I busied myself putting different dishes on my plate when he called me again.

"Dito na ako titira." maingat niyang paalam. Ramdam ko ang pagsilip niya sa magiging reaksyon ko, nanatili akong tahimik at malalim na napaisip.

It's his penthouse. I didn't realize that I'm making him feel alienated from his own home.

Hindi ako umangat ng tingin nang magsimula siyang magsalita at sabihin ang lahat ng plano niya. Maybe, this is what I both like and hate about him. He's so damn talkative. Pero ngayon ay gusto ko ang pagiging madaldal niya. He's making the air lighter between us. At sa dami nang sinabi niya ay hindi man lang niya naisama ang nangyari kanina.

"Kaya habang nagtatrabaho ako bilang arkitekto sa firm ni Ace ay susubukan ko ring tingnan ang kompanya ni Lolo. Don't worry, hindi ako magagawi sa floor mo."

Umangat ako ng tingin kaya napatigil siya sa pagsasalita. Ang kayumanggi nitong buhok ay magulong nakaayos. I am still awed how it perfectly matched the color of his eyes. Hindi ko mapigilan ang maibahagi ang labi nang mapansing suot pa rin niya ang bigay kong earcuffs.

"B-Bakit?"

I heaved a sigh and shook my head. "Kung ayaw mo akong magtrabaho sa kompanya ay okay lang–"

"Okay lang."

Anong karapatan kong pigilan siyang magtrabaho sa kompanya nila?

Gulat na gulat siya sa pagpayag ko. Sa lahat ng pagpapaalam niya ay ngayon lang ako pumayag kaya natigilan pa siya ng bahagya. Sinamantala ko iyon para dugtungan ang mga sasabihin.

"Kailan tayo mag-uusap?"

Kung kanina ay nakakunot lang ang kanyang noo at pinipigilan ang pagkagulat, ngayon ay tuluyan na siyang napanganga sa aking sinabi.

"Ha?"

"Usap, sabi mo."

He licked and bit his lip. Sa huli ay sumilay din sa kanyang labi ang ngiti nang mapagtanto ang tinutukoy ko. I rolled my eyes and stood up. Sinimulan ko nang linisin ang mesa para may pagkaabalahan at huwag pansinin ang malakas na tambol ng aking dibdib.

He chuckled.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled under his chuckle. Mabilis na namatay ang kanyang pag-alik-ik nang marinig ang sinabi ko.

I was alarmed when he stood up and neared me. Ngayong nasa tabi ko na siya ay mas lalo lang dumoble ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko.

"What did you say?"

"Wala!" I said and evaded him.

"Ang sabi mo, I'm sorry." pag-sunod nito sa akin.

Umirap akong muli at maglalakad na sana patungong sink nang higitin niya ako at mabilis na ikinulong sa kanyang mga bisig.

"Kai!" I groaned and tried to get off from him

"I'm sorry rin." bulong nito at isiniksik pa ang mukha sa aking leeg. Tumigil ako sa paggalaw nang tumama ang mainit nitong hininga sa aking batok. I stopped myself from trembling.

"Let's talk after this, heart to heart." he whispered and kiss my cheek before he rested his face on my neck.