Watch my Step (Friend Series #4)

Chapter 16

Nasa isang pribadong silid kami ng restaurant. Sa kabisera nakaupo si Dad katapat si Tito Nick. Magkaharap naman kami ni Kai, ganoon din si Mommy at si Tita Geneva na nasa aming tabi.

Matagal na rin noong huli naming nakasama ang mga Almendarez sa hapag kaya hindi ko alam kung ako lang ba ang naninibago sa setup namin ngayon.

Ang kalansing ng mga kubyertos sa aming mga babasaging pinggan ang lumukob sa katahimikan ng silid. 'Di nagtagal, ang mumunting usapan ng mga magulang namin ay nakisama na rin sa ingay ng kubyertos at pinggan. While Kai and I are both silent. We let our stares from each other voice our thoughts. Thoughts that we have allowed to become our noise. Noise that only the two of us could hear.

A side of my lips rose when he let out a chuckle and Tita Geneva glanced at him. Umiling lang ito sa ina at marahang hinagod ang likuran nito. Nabaling lang ang tingin ko kay Tito Nick nang kausapin ako.

"I heard from Engineer Guillermo, you're under his supervision for one of your major subject?"

What he said surprised me. Hindi ko inaasahan na alam niya ang tungkol sa bagay na iyon. Nang bumaling ako sa mga magulang, maging sila ay nagulat din. Even my parents didn't know about my field study course kaya nakakagulat na alam ni Tito Nick.

Bumaling ako kay Tito saka tumango nang makabawi. "Uh, opo Tito."

"And after college and passing the board, may naiisip ka na bang kompanya kung saan ka magtatrabaho?" si Tita Geneva naman ngayon ang nagtanong.

"Wala pa po, Tita." I truthfully said.

Wala pa sa plano ko iyon dahil kung titingnan ay napakalayo pa. I'm still a student and I have to pass the board first. Siguro kong makakuha na ako ng degree ay maiisip ko na rin iyon.

Ramdam ko ang matalim na tingin sa akin ng ama sa pagkakamali ko sa aking sagot. Binalewala ko ito at ipinagpatuloy ang pakikipag-usap sa mag-asawang Almendarez.

"You might consider working on our company. I mean," she paused and glanced at his husband. "Hindi ka naman iba sa amin hija at kung makapasa ka sa board, we can hire you immediately."

"Pag-iisipan ko po." I politely said.

Alam kong sa sinabi kong iyon ay mas lalo lang magagalit sa akin ang ama. Ayaw ko rin namang bigyan ng absolute na sagot si Tita Geneva dahil hindi ko pa alam ang mga mangyayari sa hinaharap. I might want to work on different companies after passing the board. Kaya ayoko ring paasahin sila.

Isa pa, ayoko ring matatanggap ako sa kompanya ng mga Almendarez dahil lang sa hindi ako iba sa kanila. I want them to hire me because they see my capability as an engineer and that I pass all the qualifications they're searching for an engineer. Hindi rin lingid sa aking kaalaman na hindi mga basta-bastang enhinyero ang nakakapasok sa kompanya nila. At alam kong malayong-malayo pa ako roon.

Tumikhim si Daddy kaya nagtagal ang tingin ko sa kanya. Seryoso nitong pinupunasan ng puting table napkin ang bibig bago tumingin sa kaharap.

"I think we should start planning their wedding." direkta nitong ani.

Kumunot ang noo ko.

Wedding?

Lumikot ang paningin ko.

Tumingin ako kay Mommy sa aking tabi ngunit nakayuko lamang ito. Si Tito Nick ay may kunot sa kanyang noo samantalang ang kanyang asawa ay may bahid ng pangamba ang mukha. I glanced at Kai. He was confused like me.

Was he?

"I think this is not the right time for that, Lukas."

Dad laughed and darted his eyes at me. "Bakit hindi ngayon, Geneva? We already talked about this years ago. Nasa tamang edad na rin ang dalawa para magpakasal."

"Actually, she's fine with it." he confidently said and looked at the Almendarezes. "She's fine with it and it's not a news to us that she fancies him."

Mas lalo lamang kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi ni Daddy.

Fine with what?

Bumaling ako kay Kai. He's talking to his parents. Katulad ko ay may may bahid din ng kalituhan sa kanyang mukha.

"I've already said my sentiment about this before, Ma, Pa. Why do you keep on pursuing this?" mahina at mariin nitong sabi sa mga magulang.

Hindi nalalayo ang distansya namin kaya naririnig ko ang pinaguusapan nila at kahit anong pilit kong huwag makinig, sa huli ay nakukuha ko pa rin ang nais niyang iparating sa mga magulang.

"Naiintindihan namin Kai. Pero ang Ninong Lukas mo-" Tita Geneva was cut off by Kai's hiss.

"I'm not into fixed marriage. How can you force me to get into one when I don't even believe in it?"

I looked away and swallowed hard. I don't know why but I felt a strong blow in my chest when I heard him say that. Maging ako ay hindi ko rin gusto ang ideyang nabubuo sa isipan dahil sa pinaguusapan ng mga magulang namin.

Between us, I was the one who isn't for marriage. I heard his sentiments about marriage and he's ready for it actually! He's open for it and for him to react this way must be something bad. Maybe I am that exceedingly bad to be his partner in life huh?

I despised this feeling. I already buried it and thought that I had totally forgotten about it back when I was seven. Pero ngayon na nararamdaman ko 'to, walang pinagkaiba ang batang ako sa ngayon. Mapasalita man o gawa, kayang-kaya pa rin niya akong durugin.

And watching him right now, talking to his parents in pure hostility made me think how awful was I. Siya nga itong may positibong pananaw sa kasal, ganito ang reaksyon at ito akong ayaw sa kasal ay tahimik lang. That means, I am that extremely bad to be his wife.

I couldn't care less if guys toy and dispose me dahil ganoon din naman ang ginagawa ko sa kanila, inuunahan ko nga lang sila. Para sa huli, ako pa rin ang panalo. Ang mukhang panalo.

I admit, I am the one to be blamed why boys can easily get rid of me after sex. Kung babalik man sa akin ay alam kong katawan ko lang ang habol nila sa akin. Wala nang iba pa. I made myself very accessible to them which led them think less of me. I know I am at fault why I am this disposable to every man.

Why do I feel rejected even though I wasn't asking for his approval and acceptance? Damn. I don't even want to get married to anyone. So, why the fuck do I feel unwanted and rejected all of a sudden?

I stabbed my tongue at the inside of my cheek when I felt something heavy in my chest. Lumalim na rin ang paghinga ko habang pinagmamasdan silang lahat na nag-uusap usap.

I intentionally dropped my utensils to catch their attention. Hindi naman ako nabigo roon.

"I'll marry him." Cold and detached, I uttered.

"Step–"

Si Mommy na kanina pa tahimik na nakikinig ay napabaling sa akin, gulat at lito ang mukha.

"I'll marry Kai." Ulit ko, walang pinagkaiba ang tono ng boses.

Daddy's laugh reverberated inside the room. Sa lahat ay siya lang ang tuwang-tuwa sa aking pagpapasya. For once, I made him happy with my decision. Ganunpaman, wala akong naramdamang kasiyahan sa akin.

"Step, you can still think about it thoroughly. You have plenty of time to think about it." si Tito Nick.

"You must be pressured by us. Please don't make rush decision and have a deep thought about it." si Tita Geneva.

"No, I want to marry him. The soonest, the better." I firmly said and looked at him. Ngumisi ako nang makita ang inaasahan kong reaksyon mula sa kanya.

Humalakhak si Papa. I startled when he placed his hand on my shoulder. Gulat kong tinitigan ang kamay niyang nasa balikat ko. Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya ay nahuli ko ang tuwang-tuwa niyang mukhang nakatingin sa akin. I didn't expect him to be this happy.

"She really likes you Kai." he said and looked at him.

"Can I talk to her, Ninong?"

"Sure, sure." mabilis nitong pagpayag at inalalayan pa akong makatayo upang maibigay sa pinakagusto niyang tao sa mundo.

I followed Kai. Lumabas kami ng restaurant at tumuloy sa hardin kung saan kami kanina. He stopped in front of the honeysuckle before he turned to me. His stare on me was like a dagger piercing through my chest. Hands on his waist, eyes were intense and his aura screams darkness.

"Okay, what the fuck was that?"

"What?" natatawa kong tanong. I tried to entertain myself with the flowers. I played the rosebush with my hand, trying to divert my attention to it for his presence is making me uncomfortable. Ang kabang nararamdaman sa talim ng tingin niya sa akin ay sinubukan kong ibaon sa kailaliman, takot na takot ipakita ang kaya niyang gawin sa'kin.

"Ang sabi mo ayaw mong magpakasal?"

"Uh huh." I sounded so calm yet my insides were exploding in fear. Fuck. I could give myself an award for this.

"Estefania!" His voice made me jump off a bit.

I groaned and looked at him with sharp eyes. "At ang sabi mo ay gusto mong magpakasal. Bakit ayaw mo na ngayon?" I asked, couldn't hide the bitterness in my voice.

Napagtanto ko lang kasi na siya nga ay may alam sa bagay na ito samantalang ako ay wala. Parang binuhusan ako ng mainit na tubig nang pag-usapan namin ito kanina. And yet, I accepted it! Kahit pa ayaw kong magpakasal ay tinanggap ko pa rin. At kung sino pang bukas sa pagpapakasal, siya pa itong may ayaw. Am I really not that worth keeping? Am I really that disposable?

"Hindi sa ganitong paraan!"

"Anong paraan pa ang gusto mo? Fixed marriage is normal, Kai. Hindi tayo ang unang magpapakasal ng ganito."

"But you don't love me."

I let out a scoff. I didn't know that a playboy like him can be this passionate in love. Napakalayo sa personalidad niya.

"Bakit mahal mo ba 'ko?" tanong ko sa kanya, tunog nanghahamon.

"That's why we have to thoroughly think about it."

I hissed when he gave me an indirect answer. I looked at him unbelievably. "If we thoroughly think about it, you think love will set in between us?"

Hindi ito nakasagot.

I rolled my eyes and looked at the dark gray sky. Bakit ko pa nga ba iyon tinanong? It's like I was asking something that is so impossible to occur. Ang tanga mo, Step.

"Let us just get married and get over with it. Daddy wants it." sabi ko na lamang at buong tapang siyang hinarap.

Noon hanggang ngayon, kayang-kaya pa ring sakupin ng kanyang mga mata ang aking diwa. His pair of brown eyes didn't wither to mesmerize me. It always sends me to a great depth of nothingness.

"But... do you want it?" he carefully asked that took me by surprise. Nasanay ako na hindi tinatanong ang saloobin ko kaya nakakapanibago ang tanong na binitawan niya para sa'kin.

"I-it doesn't matter." I said, faltered.

"It does."

"Tayo ang magpapakasal kaya mahalaga ang pananaw mo sa bagay na ito, Step. Above all, your opinion matters to me."

I smiled at him, a sad one. I felt a little lighter with what he said. Kung ganyan din sana si Daddy, baka pag isipan ko pa nga ang pagpapakasal. But unfortunately, he doesn't give a fuck with my opinion. He never considers my say about something.

Ang mga nakakatanda, palagi nilang iniisip na kung ano ang opinyon nila sa isang bagay ay iyon na agad ang tama. Kadalasan ay nababalewala ang saloobin ng mga mas bata sa kanila dahil iniisip nila kaagad na mali, walang kabuluhan at walang karapatan ang mga nakakabata sa kanila na ipahayag ang sariling opinyon.

Adults usually think that they are superior to the youth in any aspects. But they should know that all opinions are all equal. No opinion is better than the other.

People usually argue because of the diversity of opinions and perceptions. Yes, we set our own beliefs and perspectives but we have to remember that it's only within ourselves. We cannot force someone to validate our opinions because what is right for us might be wrong to them. We all have our own mind on how we perceive things.

I am just hoping that my father was a bit considerate to hear me out. I am waiting for that. I just realized now that I'm waiting in vain.