Confessions

Chapter 34

Matthew's P.O.V~

I woke up again the next morning, with a pounding headache, I drank too much yesterday. And that dream got to me too damn good. I need to see her, I need to hear her voice, I need to see her face. I have screwed up many times. I want to be good for her, I wanted be the one that wipes her tears when she cries, and hug her when she's feeling sad.

I have had this conversation with myself, a million times. I tell myself to be there for her, but then I do the exact opposite. I'm not the one for her, I'm not the boyfriend she needs. I can never be the one for her, I won't treat her like most boyfriends do. I'm not romantic. I spend most of my time getting drunk and getting into fights, instead of spending time with her.

I try to call her another time, but I'm pretty sure she is just hanging up on me. I know I hurt her. I always do, and I expect her to come running back. She always does, she'll come back too me. I know she will, she will. I keep telling myself. I can't live with out her, when I first met her back when we were in elementary school, I instantly liked her. She was always so sweet and an amazing person. For me, I was a screw up, with a bad temper and a horrible father. My siblings never really liked to talk to me. I would always start something just to get someone mad. I was such a fuck up. Still am. And probably always will be. I begin to realize that I'm not at my house I'm at my friends Alex's house. I need to leave. I need to go fix things with Maddie. I get up from the couch, and try to find my keys. "Hey man, what are you doing?" Alex says rubbing his eyes.
"Leaving." I say lifting up every couch pillow to find my keys.

"Why?" He asks, this kid asks to many questions. "I need to do a few a things and get my mind off things." I say still looking for my keys.

"You've changed man, I'm telling you she's brainwashed you." He huffs.

"She hasn't brainwashed me, and when did I ever mentioned her name? It's not like I'm going to see her." I exaggerate, of course I'm going to see her, but he doesn't need to know that..

"I think everyone can tell when your talking about her, you get all offensive." He chuckles.

"Shut up." I mumble.

I ruffle my hands In my hair, to make it look some what decent. I finally find my keys, and I make my way to my car. The crisp February air, is soothing. I can finally breath for once. I start my car, and drive all the way too Maddie's. 15 minutes later I arrive, and pull into her driveway, and slowly open my car door and head to the door. I lightly tap on the door waiting for her to open it and for her to forgive me. No one answers for the second knock of the third. So I open the door myself, why is it not locked? She should have locked it, someone could walk right in. Like you just did?
My subconscious mocks me.

Maddie's P.O.V~

I lie on my bed, not knowing what to do. I grab my phone and scroll through my camera roll, and come across a picture of matt and I. It was time when we both filmed a youtube video together when matt put make up on me. He was smiling while I kissed his cheek leaving a red kissy mark. I smile at the memory, but it quickly fades away when I realize, he doesn't care for me. I don't really blame him though. My mind is messed up, I'm too clingy and I just don't matter too anyone. I glance at the bracelet matt got for me for Christmas, I rip it off in anger and toss it on the ground. I bring my knees up to my chest once again and start crying again. My chest is aching, my head is pounding and I don't think I can even take another day of this. I bury my head in my arms and just cradle my self. All of a sudden I hear my door open. I don't even care to lift up my head to see who it is.

"Maddie?" I hear him say. He can't be here, I don't want him hear. I don't need him here, he needs to leave.

"Maddie, he says walking towards my bed. "Don't come near me." I muffle into my arms. I lift my head up, and wipe my eyes. He walks towards me, and I start screaming. I don't want him hear, I can't see him I don't even want to look at him. He flinches and covers his ears. Good. He quickly recovers and try's to wrap his arms around me. I start pushing against his chest. "Don't touch me!" I sob.