Confessions

Chapter 40..

As I get into my car, I start to cry. I don't know why I'm so emotional, my mother is just causing so much stress with me and then everything with Matt thats happening, and I haven't seen emma in forever and we have school tomorrow. It's all to much to handle. I need to start thinking of my future instead of all this drama, I have no idea what college I'm going to, let alone whats going to happen to Matt and I. I still can't make a decision if I should forgive him or not. I know I shouldn't even be thinking of forgiving at all but I'm done seeing him suffer. But I need more time to think. I have no idea where I'm going, I didn't exactly have a plan to go anywhere. My mother tries to call me none stop but she stopped a few minutes ago, i'm pretty sure she noticed that I won't be answering her right now. I stop at the mall to just clear my mind, I need a few clothes anyway. I park my car, and get out grabbing my purse. I enter in and head for forever 21. I look at a few dresses it's getting warmer outside, I know I don't usually wear them but ever since Matt bought me some I have grown to really like them. I pick out light pink one, and a white one. I look at the bra and panties section, and decide weather I should get some or not.

I was planning to get some new ones, but i'm not the best at buying these kind of things, I was never that girl who really bought them, my mother would always buy them for me because I was to shy to. I guess you could call me prudish. Any time someone talks about something relative to sex, I get uneasy and my cheeks get very hot. The furthest I have actually gone with someone was with Matt when we pulled me up so my legs were around his waist and we were just kissing. I don't know why I'm even thinking about this. I'm pulled out of my thoughts when a young looking lady with to much red lip stick on taps my shoulder.

"Need some help?" She smiles. I look down at my hands and I'm holding a black lace thong, I don't even remember picking it up.

"Oh um, sure." my cheeks flush and I drop the material . She laughs and pulls me to a different section.

"How about these?" She asks holding up a set of black and white lace thongs. I scrunch my nose and shake my head.

"If you don't like those kind, you should try these they cover up more but make you look sexy without even trying." She winks. I laugh, and take upon her offer and grab the set. I leave to go try on my dresses, and the lady shows me to my stall. I thank her and close it. I strip down my clothes and try on the white one, It fits me well, and shows all of my curves in the perfect way. I wonder what matt would think of it. Ok I need to stop thinking of him, at least for today. Today I just need to focus on me, I need to focus on whats good for me. I try on both dresses and I think that they look very professional. I put my clothes back on, and head over to the register. I have to ask the lady 3 times of how much my total cost was. If I'm going to spend this much on these type of things, Matthew better like them. What did I just say?

"Are you going to move?" A lady from behind scoffs.

"Sorry." I mumble and move out of the ladies way. Why was I thinking of Matt seeing me in this? I really need to just sit. I walk out of the store, with my bag in my hand. As I'm walking towards the food court, I accidentally bump into someone.

"Oh Im sorry." I apologize before I see who it is.

"It's fine." The boy smirks. I think he's one of Matt's friends, Alex was his name?

"Wait your Maddie right?" He laughs. No shit dumb ass I thought to myself.

"Yes." I say and walk away. He grabs my hand and pulls me back.

"What do you want?" I huff and jerk my hand away from his.

"Awe is someone upset about Matthew leaving you?" He mocks me making a pouty face. I roll my eyes, and mentally smack him in the face.

"I actually broke up with him, but believe what you want." I snap and walk away.

"Well since you and Matt are done, maybe me and you can spend some time together?" He grins. I stop in my tracks and turn around walking up to him.

"I'd rather drop dead." I shoot. His friends make fun of him, and I turn around leaving him with the most priceless look on his face. I feel confident in my self for once and I'm proud of it.I walk over to this chines food place and order some for myself. She hands me my food and I go to sit down at a table, my stomach growls once I open the box. I feel lonely by my self at the mall, when a million people are looking at me. I feel uneasy and close my box, and grab my purse. I walk towards the door, holding two bags in one hand and my purse in the other. I struggle to get the door open when all of a sudden a person helps me and holds it open for me.

"Thank yo- I start but then didn't finsih my sentence when I see who it is.

"What? Your not going to thank me?" He smirks. I roll my eyes and push past him.

"Hey wait up!" We didn't talk much today." He grins.

"We have already talked more than I wanted to." I snap. And walk faster away from him.

"Oh feisty, I like that." He coos.

"Your disgusting, get away from me." I spit. I finally arrive to my car, and I'm grateful.

"You know he could give shitless about you right?" Alex laughs. I roll my eyes, and glare at him and get in my car. He yells something but I don't hear him. I have never liked Matt's friends, they are the ones who mostly bullied me. I look back to the beginning of the year when I would get bullied a lot. It's not that bad now, but I really wish people would stop. It doesn't get you anywhere in life, when will this be helpful to them in the future? In the end people don't care wether you were popular or not. People care wether you are worth it or not.

Matthew's P.O.V~

7 days, it has been a whole fucking week since we broke up. Does she even care for me anymore? Does she cry her self to sleep every night because of how much it hurts? I need her to be here with me, she belongs to me. She's mine, she will never find someone like me. And I will never find someone like her, that how were made for each other. Were so different yet the same. That's how were good for each other, I like that we don't think the same thing, and that we have different opinions on things. But we work them out, we always end up coming right back for each other. I didn't even know if I could ever feel like this before, I always expected to be alone for the rest of my life, until her. She's the one who brought the light into me. She's the one who helped me get through this fucked up world. I want to be good for her, I want to show her I can change for her. I want to be the man she wants me to be. I just wish she would give me the chance to.

Memories flood my mind, I remember when we went to magcon together. That seems like ages ago, not only a few months ago. It stinks though, because Magcon ended a few months ago which sucks but all of us still hang out and talk. I also remember the first date I took her on, and I told her I liked her. It seems really cheesy of how I did it but, I just wanted to make up for all that shit I put her through. I don't know if people are still doing it, god I hope not I can't bare to see her go through it again. We go back to school tomorrow, but I don't know whats going to happen, I was planning on talking to Maddie but ever since that day I came to her house, it seems that she doesn't want anything to do with me. Why do I keep trying to get through her? I don't want to believe that she will never come back to me. But I feel that it's the truth, and I'll have to realize it sooner or later.

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Hey guys! I know this chapter may suck but I'm kind of sick so I don't feel very well. And I start school tomorrow, I was on April Vacation and the only fun thing I did was go to the movies with my boyfriend and go to New York. It's better than what I usually do on vacation I actually did things. But I hope you liked this chapter, I know it's kind of short, but I promise all of you that once summer comes I'll be updating like crazy so be prepared. I love you all hope you have a great sundayyy(: Until Next Time~ Zoe loves Matt<3