Only 7 minutes b.e

26

Cassie

I stared at the ceiling not saying anything, only trying to gather my thoughts about what happened last night. I was half dressed because I recently got out of the shower and mostly in shock about everything I couldn't even move.

There's something going on with Billie, I don't know what but it's the only thing eating at me.

I just need to know.

But I'm afraid to ask because I don't want to get hurt again.

Billie walked into the bedroom snapping me outta my trance and sat on the other side of the bed from me facing the other way.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"...It's okay Billie," I finished getting dressed and sat down on the bed again not facing her.

"I'm guessing you want answers from me?"

"Yeah," I say quietly.

"...I'm depressed Cassie, I don't know how to deal with it so I drink sometimes"

"But why'd you have to hide it from me?"

"Because I know you and I felt if I did this alone it wouldn't bring so much stress onto you"

"Now I'm stressed out because you're hiding stuff from me? I've never seen you touch a drop of alcohol, and after finding out you overdosed and almost died at 17 how did you think I felt? Now I'm scared all of the time and I fucking worry about you all of the time but you make me feel like it's my fault"

"It's not your fault I'm just fucked up and I took it out on you and it was wrong, there's nothing to excuse my actions I shouldn't have hurt you"

"You're not fucked up you just need someone to talk to and I want to be that person B, why do you think I married you if I was just going to let you do this alone?"

"I just need time"

"For what?"

"To think Cassie"

"About what?"

"I don't know"

"About us?"

"No Cassie I love you, and I'd rather be with you and no one else I just need time to think about me...cause I'm scared"

"Scared?"

"Scared I'm going to...do something to myself"

"Billie, I love you and I would do anything to protect you and I don't want you going anywhere, I need you here with me, Eloise needs you here, Jayden needs you here," I said stumbling over my words trying not to sob into tears.

"I'm trying"

"That's all that matters right now that you try, I know you wanna be here, you love those kids more than anything and they fucking adore you"

I got up and went over the her side of the bed and climed onto her lap.

"Just hold on for me and I know you're eventually going to get there," I cupped her cheek.

"Don't cry," she said wiping a tear from my cheek.

That only made me burst out into tears, I couldn't help but to cry onto her shoulder while squeezing onto her shirt feeling like I couldn't let go.

Simply because I couldn't let go, I didn't want to, and I didn't want her to either.

"I'm sorry I'm so sorry," she kissed my head and ran her fingers through my hair.

"Don't leave me" was all I wanted to say but I couldn't even form words all I could do was cry, I couldn't imagine what I'll do if I lost her, even after we just had a baby together a couple months ago.

I just can't.

_____________

"I have to leave for work," Billie told me.

"You can't stay?"

"How else am I going to make money?"

"You can call in sick"

"I know how you feel, but I'll be home and I'll make you dinner and we can cuddle or do whatever you want"

"That sounds nice"

"I'll be back I promise," she kissed my lips.

"Okay"

"I love you"

"I love you too"