Only 7 minutes b.e

34

Cassie

"Make sure you take these," I told Billie after we came back from the hospital and they prescribed her bipolar meds after being diagnosed with it, the only problem is she keeps denying that she is what she is.

All I can say is that it's been a rough couple of days...

"I'm fine," Billie says.

"No you're not," here just take one"

"No," she yelled and smacked the pill out of my hand.

"Stop acting like a child and take the damn pills Billie"

"I'm not sick"

"You're out of control"

"I'm not taking the pills"

"But you'll shove other drugs down your throat instead of the ones you actually need," I yelled at her

"Oh fuck you"

"Mommy mama?" We Eloise say and she was standing over in the doorway

"Go back to your fucking room this is none of your business," Billie yelled at her

"Don't fucking yell at her like that she's just a child"

"Whatever I'm fucking done with this," she stormed off to the bathroom

"Fine but you're taking those pills"

She slammed the door and I scoffed paying attention over to Eloise who was trying to wipe her tears that kept coming.

"It's okay my love mommy didn't mean it," I picked her up and slowly rocked her trying to calm her down "c'mon baby let's get something to eat yeah?"

Billie

"Seriously?" Cassie said coming out of the bathroom holding an empty bottle of pascription pills that I poured down the toilet.

"Where are the pills?"

"The sewer," I chuckled.

"Billie that is not funny why did you do that you were supposed to take the pills"

"Mhm"

"Are you even listening?"

"The Fuck is your problem?"

"You are my problem I only asked you to do one thing and you couldn't even do that"

"You done?"

"You're so unbelievable Billie"

"Yeah yeah suck my dick"

She angrily groaned and walked out of the room, I laid down in the bed and plugged my earphones into my Ipod and laid down on my pillow, I closed my eyes and listened to the music playing through them, until I eventually drifted off to sleep, and dreamt about a memory, not a good one.

Flashback

17 year old Billie

"Billie"

I heard in the distance of my friend Kehlani calling my name, though I could hardly hear her because I was lost in my own thoughts of what just happened, I was in shock.

"Billie hey you're okay," Kehlani put my leather jacket around me and smiled at me to try to comfort me, though there was nothing that can comfort me in the moment because all I could think about was what happened and what I had just done. It was already haunting me yet it was barely five minutes ago maybe more or less, but I couldn't count. It all happened so fast, I didn't mean for it to happen, but deep down I wanted to do it, though I usually don't listen to that intuition, I always went with my gut and my gut was telling me to do the opposite of what I just did versus what happened, I should've let someone else take care of the rest, Instead I did it, It was my fault.

"I didn't mean to," I finally said

"It's not your fault," Kehlani tells me again

"No"

"You're gonna be okay"

"No"

was all I said not taking my eyes off of the guy I just stabbed and killed right in front of me.

"It's alright he deserved it he tried to hurt your daughter and more," Mika told me

"I didn't mean to"

"Hey look at me and not him, you did the right thing, he was no one, he doesn't even exist, he's nothing but a bag of shit but you, you're a hero you did nothing wrong just look at how happy she is"

I looked over at Eloise who was laughing and playing with Zoe and Drew while they were dancing distracting her from the sight of some of them cleaning up my mess.

"Drew come here," Mika said since Drew was the one that had Eloise in her arms and she gave Eloise to me.

"Hi little bean," I told Eloise.

She smiled and grabbed my face with her little hands.

"Mama"

__________

I woke up from my dream or flashback and I sat up and uncovered myself, I walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face, I keep telling myself it's the past though I couldn't stop thinking about what happened,.

I went through my pocket and pulled out a small bag of the white powder I've been trying to avoid all day, but I couldn't help myself and sniffed a line. I threw my head back feeling it hit immediately and I forgot what I was just thinking about.

I cleaned my nose and walked out of the bathroom, still no Cassie in sight so I figured she was getting the kids ready for bed, I walked out into the living room and saw her falling asleep on the couch while watching her favorite show sipping the last bottle of wine in a glass, I sat down next to her but she paid no mind to my presence.

"What happened to you Billie?"

"...I don't know"

"You took something didn't you?"

"I don't see any point of denying it now"

Cassie scoffed and stood up.

"What the fuck Billie"

"You can't stop me Cas you can't stop me"

"How selfish can you be, you have a whole family, how would you feel if your son knew you were fucked up? How do you think your daughter feels? She's fucking scared of you Billie do you not even care?"

"Yeah yeah Cassie"

"Are you even paying attention to what the fuck I'm saying? Eloise is scared of you, you should be more fucking concerned because that's your daughter"

"Eloise is fine she has nothing to be scared about"

"Are you kidding me? You're aggressive towards her and she didn't even do anything wrong, you can't even see your own actions, you can't even see that you're a total bitch"

"You wanna call me a bitch one more time?" I stood over her

"You're a bitch," she slapped me.

I pushed her  and she tried to hit me again but I grabbed both of her wrist and pushed her onto the ground, I got down and slapped her before getting ready to punch her until I heard whining, I looked over to see Eloise standing there while holding onto to her favorite teddy tightly.

"Hey princess what are you doing out of bed?"

I got off of Cassie trying to pretend like everything was normal and walked over to Eloise kneeling down to her level, but she slowly backed away from me.

"What's wrong? don't you want to give mommy a hug?" I held out my arms, I could tell she hesitated but then slowly walked toward me and hugged me.

"I love you baby girl," I kissed her head and ran my fingers through her hair

"I love you too mommy"

"Let's get you back to bed yeah?"

She nodded and I pecked her up taking her back to her room.

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