GRISHAVERSE X READERS

DEMONS [KAZ BREKKER]

"Hello! May I ask for a song prompt for Kaz Brekker from Shadow and Bone + Demons by Imagine Dragons? Please and thank you!!"

Warnings: angsty-ish, mentions of death, might be OOC to the book Kaz since I haven't read them (as I'm unable to), though I made some research and found out about his touching phobia thing, tagging spoilers just in case

Word count: 547

"Careful, or someone thinks you care about them," Inej smirked as she caught Kaz looking at you. He just glared at her and shook his head, not bothering to answer anything. He didn't want to be caught from a lie, so he kept quiet. Instead he just squeezed his cane and signaled the bartender to give him something to drink.

He wanted to approach you and show you that he cares about you a bit differently than his other crows, that was true. But he couldn't, he wasn't ready for that. And it would make things difficult, no matter what you'd answer. He still had his demons, squeezing him, laughing at him for having such feelings for you. If you said that you felt the same way, he would have to back up. If you rejected him, things wouldn't be the same. And it would be a heartbreak in either case.

You didn't have anyone else, at least Kaz wasn't aware of it if you had, and he felt satisfied by it. On the other hand, he wanted someone to love you, someone to show you that you're important. But he didn't know if he'd be able to see you with someone else. But it couldn't be him either. Not yet, maybe not ever.

Inej knew what Kaz was thinking, partly regretting her teasing as she realized what it had caused. She knew you cared about Kaz too, you were more open about it, confessing it straight to Inej's face when she smirked at you for searching Kaz from the crowd and staring at him with a stupid smile on your face when he was placing orders, but you also acknowledged that even if Kaz liked you back, you wouldn't be ready for any kind of a "relationship". Not yet, at least. You would be willing to wait, and Kaz knew it too if the situation came to it. But he didn't want to let you too close, too afraid that you'd see the darkness inside him. Looking into his eyes and getting scared of all his pain he had gone through.

He was a young man with eyes fit for a much older one, having to go through so much and he was afraid if that all would be too much for you if he'd open up. You were the only one he felt like he'd be able to touch without his gloves, give a gentle touch if given a chance. Loving touch, even.

But he couldn't. He had to win his demons before it. And it was like Inej had read his mind, as she muttered, "they could help you with it, if you gave them a chance."

Kaz just shook his head sharply. "No. They can't. I can't put them through it. It's my battle and mine alone."

Inej sighed. "You're so stubborn. Y/N would help you in a heartbeat. They care about you, the same way you care about them."

Kaz swallowed when Inej's last words registered to his mind, but he still kept his static expression, staring at his mug, acting like he didn't even hear them.

"As I said, it's my battle. My demons, and I have to win them alone. I don't want to talk about it any longer."