GRISHAVERSE X READERS

WALLS [KAZ BREKKER]

Summary: Kaz has been closed off in your relationship from the very start, and you trying to talk about it makes him shut off. But there's always the next day.

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You and Kaz had been dating for a while - you thought you knew what you signed up for when you asked Kaz if he'd like to be your boyfriend and he warned you about not being able to be a boyfriend you see on the streets. But even after months, he was still just as closed off as he was when you started dating, and you decided to take it up on the table.

"Kaz?"

He glanced up to you briefly from the table, still writing his notes to his plans. "Hm?"

You swallowed, trying to figure out the words. "I... um, I feel like our relationship is one-sided."

Kaz paused for a moment, slowly lifting his eyes to you and narrowing his eyes slightly. "What do you mean, one-sided?"

"I mean," you started, thinking over your words again. "I feel like I've been opening up to you, I've shared my thoughts with you, my feelings, but you haven't. I... I know it's hard for you, I do, but it still feels like there's a... wall in between us?"

Kaz took in a deep breath, his eyes going back on the blueprint. "You knew what I was like before we got together," he then said. "I never promised you a fairytale romance."

"I know, and I accepted that," you replied, trying to keep frustration off your voice. "But that doesn't mean I don't have needs in this relationship too. I can't keep pouring my heart out while you keep most of yourself locked away. It's exhausting."

Kaz let out a sigh, his shoulders tensing up. "I've let you see a side of myself most people will never see. You said it will be enough. What else would you want from me?"

You sighed. "To let me get closer to you. For you to trust me enough to let me see beyond that wall of yours. I want to be there for you, but I can't do that unless you let me close."

Kaz took in a deep breath, his nostrils flaring. "I can't change overnight just because you demand it."

"I'm not asking you to–"

Kaz interrupted you. "This is who I am and if you can't bear that, then maybe we shouldn't be together."

Your eyes widened at that, and you quickly shook your head. "No, Kaz, don't say that."

"You're just a distraction I won't be able to have right now," Kaz retorted, tracing his finger along the blueprint.

You fell silent for a moment, his words echoing in your ears.

Distraction.

"Distraction? Is that all that I am to you?" you whispered, swallowing.

Kaz's jaw clenched. "That's not what I said."

"Well, it sure sounded like that," you murmured, your voice breaking slightly. The next words poured out through your lips before you had time to think them over. "Maybe it's time that you stop pretending you care about anything else than yourself and your damn heists."

Kaz's eyes snapped up to you, and he scoffed. "You think you understand me? You have no idea what I've gone through to get into this position."

You shook your head, your hand slightly inching towards Kaz's, but he pulled his hand away. You closed your eyes for a moment, retreating your hand too. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that, but... I'm trying to understand, Kaz, but I can't understand if you won't let me in."

He huffed. "Letting people in only leads to betrayal and disappointment, I learned that long ago."

You stared at him, and then slowly stood up, the chair legs scraping against the wooden floor. "You think I'll disappoint you?"

"You're naive if you think this could ever work," Kaz said, clenching his hands to fists, the leather creaking from the pressure. "I don't have time for distractions, and you'll only end up getting hurt."

That was it. Your tears started spilling, and you looked up at the roof before you willed yourself to look at Kaz again, who had lowered his gaze back to the blueprint. You scoffed at how he didn't even look at you.

"Fine," you choked out. "If that's how you feel, then maybe you're right. Maybe I am just a distraction to you, and maybe we shouldn't be together."

Kaz lifted his gaze again but you had already turned your back to him, marching towards his office door. He tried to force himself to call after you, but instead, he just stared as you slammed the door closed.

The sound of the door slamming echoed around his office, and he let out a silent groan, listening to your fading footsteps going down the stairs. You'd probably stay the night at someone else's room at the Slat, you had looked way too angry to sleep next to his bed tonight.

Sure enough, when Kaz made his way to the Slat some hours later, you were nowhere to be seen in your shared room at the attic. He stood there for a moment, before shedding off his coat and started preparing for the bed, soon finding himself under his black sheets. He glanced towards your bed, as if to hope you'd magically appear there, but as you hadn't, he turned off the oil lamp and turned to his side, closing his eyes.

—

Horse hooves on the stoned street made Kaz stir awake, the dim sunlight through the thick clouds lighting up his room. He opened his eyes and turned - and saw you sleeping in your bed. Your back was towards him, he had no idea if you were awake or still asleep, and Kaz knew he'd rather not find out whether you were still as angry as yesterday. He knew he should talk to you once you'd wake up, and he should also get up from the bed - but his Dirtyhands side was strongly against it.

Dirtyhands did not apologise.

But in this case, maybe Kaz Brekker should let Kaz Rietveld in with you.

With a sigh, he stood up and went to his wardrobe, changing off his pyjamas. He was buttoning up his waistcoat when he heard you groan and stir, the sheets rustling as you brought your hand up to rub your eyes.

Kaz turned to look at you, but you hadn't yet noticed him standing there. He debated whether he should speak up or wait until you were fully awake, but then you sat up as you yawned. Your eyes finally met his, and you froze.

The room turned quiet for a moment, the weight of tension filling the room. Both of you just stared at each other, things said the previous day weighing down on you - both of you being unsure if you meant what you said to each other.

Kaz took in a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice uncharacteristically gentle. "I shouldn't have said those things, I should have listened to you. It was wrong of me to dismiss your feelings like that."

You frowned and brought your hands in front of you. "You're apologising?"

Kaz nodded slowly. "I am. I... I believe I didn't think a relationship should be a two-way road. I like hearing you tell me about your day, how I make you feel, how happy I made you on your birthday - I didn't think I should return it."

You stared at him for a moment longer. "I want to be there for you, Kaz. But it's been difficult when you're pushing me away - and yesterday proved the reason why I hadn't talked about it before, you immediately made your walls rise up when I tried to talk with you."

Kaz stepped closer to the bed, hesitating for a moment but then grazing your arm with the tips of his fingers. "You've never been a distraction, nor you are a burden."

You nodded, smiling softly at him before you carefully linked your pinky with his. "Apology accepted. I love you."

Kaz froze. It was the first time you said it - you love him. He took in a shaky breath, and you blinked, shaking your head. "Oh, no, I didn't mean to overwhelm–"

"I love you too," he forced himself to get out, and it felt like something heavy pressing down his heart was just lifted when now you, in turn, froze. Then, a wide smile emerged to your face, and Kaz's smile mirrored it a few seconds after.

For that morning, you sat there together like two lovesick teenagers you were - and the gloomy city of Ketterdam felt sunnier than ever.