GRISHAVERSE X READERS

HOLLOW HEARTS [KAZ BREKKER]

Warnings: Kaz yelling at the reader, reader crying, but hurt/comfort

Word count: 1.6k

Kaz was angry, and it didn't go unnoticed from anyone.

You had screwed up a job, getting noticed as soon as you entered the building. You had been paired up with Kaz, and was going to keep guard as he picked a lock to a safe, but a guard noticed you. You had tried to knock him out, but he had already blown into a whistle and soon every guard at the building was after you.

Two hundred thousand kruge was lost because of you, and it was clear that Kaz was seething with rage as he glared at you walking by Inej's side. She shielded you from his glares, knowing you already felt horrible about what happened. She sent some glares of her own to Kaz, wordlessly telling him to cut it off. And eventually, Kaz sped up with his walking and left the rest of you walking along dark streets. Air laid heavy with an upcoming thunder. Sky rumbled above you, but no rain came down on your heads yet—a good sign to make it to the Slat in time. The sky would probably open its gates soon enough, though, so you shouldn't slack.

Fortunately, you made it to the Slat just before the storm hit through, and you all just slumped on the chairs at the bottom level of the Slat. You held your face in both hands, rubbing away tears while trying not to think about Kaz's face as he heard who screwed up the job. The disappointment and then anger had washed over him like waves crashing against rocks, making you sink into yourself. His eyes just told you that he'd give you a raging scolding once you'd be back at the Slat — you had never gotten one, but Jesper had told you that he got one once and that was the only time he had truly been scared of his best friend, though he didn't consider him as his friend back then. It had happened when Jesper had joined the Dregs a few months back.

Your situation was different though. You weren't a new Dreg, and you didn't think of Kaz as just a friend either. You had full on fallen in love with him, which would make him yelling at you feel so much worse than it had felt for Jesper. You had never once been scared of Kaz — maybe you should have been, but you always thought of him as a human first, not a monster that everyone painted him up as being.

He was cruel, ruthless, feared, respected. He had more enemies than most other crime bosses around. But you never thought of him as evil, you never judged him. You treated him as a human, and you could tell that was something he still hadn't gotten used to.

"Y/N, to my office." Kaz's voice made you flinch out from your thoughts. You looked up at him standing at the middle of the stairs. "Now."

You got up slowly, feeling Inej take a faint hold of your hand as you did so, and you tried to smile at her. Your smile came out to be a grimace instead though as you followed Kaz up the stairs. Once upstairs, he led you straight inside his room, slamming the door shut right behind you.

The silence between you two grew thick as Kaz stood there looking at you with those cold eyes of his. You were afraid that if you opened your mouth, you might say something wrong, or get yelled at even further, so you stayed quiet, waiting for him to speak.

He scoffed at your quietness, and finally growled, "What were you thinking?"

You swallowed, standing there in front of him without any words coming out.

His next question broke your silent state. "Didn't I teach you anything? Did you forget our deal? You're supposed to stay put to inform me in case I need to prepare for a fight, you are not supposed to play a hero!"

A small whimper escaped you, and you bit your lip hard, trying to stop yourself from crying again. You had messed up a big time today, and now Kaz was mad, and you had known exactly how he would react: he would yell, shout, curse, threaten you. Maybe even hit you with his cane to ensure you won't mess up again. And you would have to take it all in, break your heart over the man you love.

"Two hundred thousand kruge went to waste because of you, because you tried to knock out a guard even when you know they are far more experienced than you are, we agreed that we'll let Inej do the fighting!" he continued, starting to pace back and forth across his office.

The words were out before you even registered them to be coming. "I did it to protect you!"

Kaz paused, turning his head to stare at you. You hung your head low, a tear escaping your eye. Kaz blinked, and his tone suddenly changed completely. His next word came out quieter, as a half whisper. "What?"

You nodded and took a shaky breath in. "That guard was just a step or two away from noticing us. I don't know where he came from, I thought I kept close eye at the hallway. It was like he came through a wall. I made a split second decision. If he had noticed us, he would have had a clear shot at you, and I..." your voice broke and another whimper escaped your lips. "He could have killed you, and I could have had to watch you get killed. I couldn't risk... I..."

You felt Kaz's eyes on you. He regained the coldness in his voice, and placed his hands on his cane. "That was reckless, Y/N. I have taught you a lot, and risking your life for others isn't the way at the Barrel. You either save your own skin or sacrifice everyone. Sentimental bonds, playing a hero like that—"

"I did it because I love you, I love you so much it hurts, it hurts even more to know you'll never love me," you choked out, letting another tear slip out from your eye. You knew Kaz's eyes hardened once he heard those words, and next he'd tell you that love is for the weak, and you shouldn't waste such feelings on anyone, especially not on him. You hadn't planned falling in love, especially not with him. Kaz was someone people described as being unable to care about anything else than power and kruge, but you and your stupid feelings still felt like you could have a chance with him. But you knew all of this was pointless because he just didn't feel the same way back.

Kaz stared at you in silence, and you could almost hear the wheels turning and clicking in his head as he registered your words. But he didn't say anything. He didn't say he loved you too. He didn't get up, take your hand and kiss it, of course he didn't. So you swallowed, nodding slightly.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have burst out like that," you mumbled, took a deep breath and turned around. "It won't happen again."

You heard his chair scraping the floor as he stood up, and a few clicks of his cane. "Y/N, wait."

His voice sounded different now, softer somehow. It was weird to hear his voice being like that, you had always heard it as harsh and raspy. You turned around slowly, seeing him standing in front of his desk. You waited as he slowly made his way closer, his eyes roaming around your face, as if to search something. Your lips parted slightly as you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding, and you saw Kaz's Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. He stopped in front of you, his eyes now being settled into yours and his lips twitched slightly. You stood there, looking into each other's eyes before Kaz slowly reached up with his hand.

"Stay still for me," he said quietly, and you obliged. After a moment, tips of his cool leather glove grazed your cheek, feather-light before it moved to trace your jawline down until he reached your neck. He stopped by your pulse point, seemingly grounding himself as he felt your pulse racing beneath his touch. After a moment, he pulled away and you looked into his eyes, your expression probably looking pretty stupid. Kaz's lips turned upwards slightly.

"Kaz... I... I thought that you..." you started, but you knew Kaz knew what you were going to say and you stopped yourself. He turned around again, and you followed, sitting down opposite of him at his desk. There wasn't any tension between you anymore, and you couldn't help but smile goofily at what had just happened.

Thunder raged outside, the rain pelting against the glass windows of the room, making everything look grey and gloomy, but you felt like the sun was shining inside. Kaz didn't need to say it out loud, he knew you knew.

He loved you too. He wasn't angry because of the heist gone wrong, he was angry because you had put yourself in front of danger, and because of him on top of it. But that day you learned that he loved you, just as much as you loved him.