"Sacrifice" II JIHAN II

14:1

The party finally ended and me and Chan were finally able to rest and sit down. This is the other reason why I usually don't attend parties for business man's because they don't have a place to sit and they only have a tall table that is above our stomach where we can put our drinks. Honestly, how can this people endure this kind of torture? T^T

"Hyung" Chan called that made me look at him and to my surprise, he was only looking outside the window. Usually, when Chan is inside the car, he would be checking my schedule or looking at his iPad where some of his work is. But now, I can't believe that his not doing anything and just spacing out. But that's partly good too. If you ask me, Chan is a pure workaholic. You'll always see him working even when it's break time, just like when he past out on the file room the other day. 

"What is it chan-ah" I asked, rolling down the windows to smell the fresh air outside

"Have you and Jisoo hyung talked already?" Chan asked

I sighed then said "In fact, we did..." I said as a smile creep out from my face while remembering what happened with my talk with Joshua

"Wait- Really?! What- How did it happen?!" Chan questioned while looking at me directly

"Calm down Chan" I said as I chuckled at his behavior. He was literally looking at me with  puppy eyes right now. But it's kind of cute though

I sighed then said "I accidentally met him in the pool side. He was with someone. They're somehow fighting over something and they were headed towards my direction but I still hadn't known that the other one was jisoo. I was about to leave because I thought that it was a lovers quarrel. But then, he called me. It actually shocked me. We both made eye contact and stayed like that for 5 minutes. We talked, but he was...different" I said as I looked down on my knees

"Different? How come?" Chan asked

"Do you remember what I told you about his disease?" I asked chan

"Of course I do" Chan answered

"He told me that he already took the surgery and...he forgot all about his feelings and clearly forgot about me" I said and tears started to fall down from my eyes. I may be tough on the outside, but in the inside...I'm already breaking.

I've been secretly depressed this past few years without Jisoo. I know that you can see me smile, laugh, prank the others, and become really extra, but that's just a mask that I always wore to hide up all my scars and sadness inside me. All this time, I wanted to come out, but it feels like it won't let me. It feels like I'm stuck in a room full of darkness and loneliness. The darkness is starting to take over me and I don't know how to stop it....

And....there was a time when I...cut my wrist and bleed until it gets morning. Up until now, I still do it. That's why I never wore anything that shows my wrists. 

Even now that I've seen jisoo and actually talked to him, I still feel lonely. It feels like it just adds to my loneliness now that I've known that he already forgot about me and our past memories with each other. 

I was truthfully thankful that DK introduced me to jisoo again or else I might break down in front of him If I heard that he doesn't know who I am. 

I really envy jisoo right now actually. He forgot everything while here I am, still suffering from the scars of the past. The scar that always reminds me of what happened every each day....The scar that never heals and was never forgotten....

Chan hugged me and slowly patted my back "I'm so sorry to hear that hyung..." Chan said 

"Maybe I really deserve to be forgotten. It's not like anyone would miss me-"