My Life And Rock'n'Roll

Chapter 63 - No Turning Back

As Dad turns to walk away, he tells Mum and Astrid how good the exhibition looks, and how sorry he is about everything. Astrid thanks Mr Best for stepping in before I could, but I share the sentiment. That was nice of him to do that, as he could have been on the receiving end of Dad's wrath.......

Once he heads out, I can see Mum struggling to hold herself together, and it occurs to me we are here for at least a week, maybe two, and I am not sure if Mum can handle being here so close to Dad for that long......
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Love - that one magical word that so many people say to the one's that draw so much raw emotion and emphatic feelings out in them. Right now, seeing the look on Cyn's face when she sees me, do I know I screwed up, badly.

How can she overcome the pain I have caused her? For so long, I was unable to see how my attitudes and behaviours towards her and Julian were affecting them, and now, seeing just how raw her feelings towards me are, do I finally understand what I clearly should have back then.

I love Cynthia so god damn much, that I will never give up - if it takes me the rest of my life so be it. This is it, there is no turning back. The guys are at the cars waiting for me, and I can see they have something to say to me, but decide against it.

I am so emotional right now, but I need their support and encouragement. If anything, I don't think I could go through all of this if I had to handle this on my own - geez, what a coward does that make me?
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John and the guys have just left, and I am shaking. I am so grateful Pete intervened, as I was struggling to keep it together. Pete talks with me for a while longer, and asks if I will be ok....

I tell him yes, and he leaves us to mingle and will catch up with us later. Julian, Astrid and I walk around and speak with the people here, and all of them have been welcoming and excited to see the exhibition. I am so proud of Astrid, and what she has managed to do has been wonderful.

Time has eventually caught up with us, and it is time for the Press Conference. Astrid heads up to speak, while Julian and I stand just to her left. Astrid speaks so well, and she handles herself better than I would with the media.

Unfortunately, after managing to avoid heading up and speaking, the final question is from a journalist wanting to know about my portrait of John.

I handle the question as best I can, and ensure I smile and try not to show any signs of sadness - and I have to say, it is much easier than I thought it would be. The John I fell in love with made me smile and laugh so easily, that I just focused on that as I spoke.

To my relief, the Press Conference is now finished, and I only had that one question to answer. The round of applause is loud, and the crowd starts to disperse. Astrid hugs me and we head back to Julian.

I am so happy I got through it, and now it is over, Pete approaches us and offers to take us to dinner. We wait for the exhibition to close, and we then head out. The Restaurant is only three blocks away, and we decide to walk there.....
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Thankfully Dad and the guys have just left, and Mum has calmed down a little. Mr Best is talking to Mum and making her laugh, and I am so relieved she is not letting Dad get the best of her.

The two and a half hours have gone by so quickly, and now, it is time for the Press Conference. Astrid heads to the top end of the room, and starts to speak. The way Astrid makes this look so easy and how she handles the media shows why this exhibition is such a success.

Amazingly, Astrid speaks for 10 mins, and the Press are lapping it up. I stand next to Mum, and soon enough, it is time for the Press to take their shot. So far, all of the questions have related to the exhibition, and Mum is much more at ease.

Sadly, right at the end of the Press Conference, a journalist wants to ask a question of Mum about her portrait of Dad. I was really hoping we could skate through this, but, to Mum's credit, she stands next to Astrid and happily answers the question.

Judging by the looks on the faces of the Journalists that are here, Mum and Astrid have had a successful opening - which is more than a relief to me....

Once the Press Conference is over, everyone applauds Mum and Astrid as they make their way back to me. Astrid hugs Mum, and Mr Best comes back to us and asks if we are hungry.....

We wait for the exhibition to close for the evening, and we all head out for something to eat. The Restaurant is close by, so we end up walking there. My stomach won't stop rumbling, and I have to say, I could eat a horse right about now!!!
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As I stand in the background of the exhibition, do I realise just how wrong I have been. John, Cynthia and Julian didn't see me in the crowd, but I know now is not the right time to approach them.

Watching John and Cynthia interact do I know John was being honest with me - the looks on their faces said it all. He loves her, and only her. I never stood a chance, and at least John didn't string me along.....

Knowing Cynthia is here, I will need to see and talk with her, preferably away from the exhibition and the constant media presence. Here's hoping I will be able to do that sooner rather than later....