My Life And Rock'n'Roll

Chapter 10 - The Playboy Lifestyle

After getting through the early days of my life, and of my high need for the playboy lifestyle,
I talk about Alma. Telling Andy my feelings for her is the first time I have ever admitted our secret liaisons out loud, and that what we had, while sexy at the time, eventually faded out.

While Andy has had to stop for a moment, I think back to when we first met, and she was so different - in the mature sense. The thought of having feelings for this mature woman was such a turn on, and Alma, for her part, wanted to feel desirable by a younger man, as her fiancée wasn't very attentive in that department.

When we were seeing each other, our passions evolved. That was four months of my life that ended up being the catalyst for my behaviours, and during that time when we talked about leaving our partners for each other, I came to realise Alma was never planning to leave her fiancée, and I never had any thoughts to leave Cyn and Jules. We both knew when the stars were fading, and when we parted, I didn't think in that way about her anymore....

As Andy comes back in I come out of my thoughts and continue.....looking back, even after all my extra marital liaisons, I don't think Cyn, ever suspected my infidelities. If she did, she didn't mention it.

When I left Cyn and Jules, I became mean, nasty, cruel - you name it, I was it. To this day, I will never know how Cyn managed to still keep it all together. I did to her and Jules what my own father did to me, and that is something I will never forgive myself for - even if they both do. I am now full on sobbing, and Andy asks me what I want to say to them now.....

I tell Andy to put the camera back up, as I want Cyn and Jules to see me telling them what I should have always said to them and never did. His cameraman places the camera back up, and gives me the cue.....

As I look into the camera - I finally admit my failings. It has taken me so long to see what was in front of me all those years ago, and to Cyn and Jules, they will never know just how much I love them, and they never did anything to deserve my mistreating and abandoning them the way I did. I would do anything to show them I mean what I say, but I know it has come too little too late......

To my surprise, Andy tells me Astrid hoped I would tell the truth about Cyn and Jules, and now I have, even Andy is lost for words......
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Right now, as I am listening to John, I have no idea what to say. This has been an emotional interview so far, and if I am honest, I wasn't expecting such deep honesty from John.

This is by far my biggest interview, and yet, as strange as it sounds, I have little interest in doing a hatchet job on John. I will compile what I have, both with the camera and the tape, and John can have a say in when and how I release this interview.

I will suggest to John showing Cynthia and Julian the tape and camera footage, as they can see there is more to this than just his words. They deserve this opportunity, and I hope to call this interview a success.....
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Now I have said what I should have said about Cyn and Jules long ago, I can now focus on getting through the rest of this interview.

As Andy puts another tape in the recorder, I am ready to now talk about my plans for the future - Andy is happy for me to take the cue, so I do.....

Over the years I have come to some realisations. Cyn and Jules are the most important, while the band is the other.

For the last six months or so, I have been in contact with Paul, and we have been talking about reuniting as The Beatles.

As many people know, Cyn and Jules are not the only ones I have been mean and nasty towards. For some years now, I have downplayed the effect the band has had on my life, and that I don't like what we did musically back then.

All four of us made it big, and I have to say, I loved working alongside Paul, George and Ringo. We had some of the best times together both on tour and in the studio, and without being A Beatle, I know I wouldn't have the popularity and wealth I have today.

I have said some unforgivable things, and, it has taken me a long time to see how damaged the bridges were between us all. Ringo and I have always managed to patch up our differences, however, Paul and George have taken a whole lot longer.

Paul received so much unfair and unwarranted criticisms from me over the years, and yet he still has found a way to forgive me. I took our friendship for granted on so many levels, that now, I am doing all I can to show him he is not only a good friend, but like the brother I always wanted.

George and I are barely on speaking terms, and many have laid that blame on George. Today, I acknowledge the issues are solely mine, and we are slowly building our way back to at least being civil to perhaps being friends again.

There has been rumours swirling I am about to go back to England, and they are true. We have studio time booked in from February through to mid next year - with the hope we can make and produce some wonderful music together once again.

I personally am looking forward to going back home, as to be honest, I am missing home a great deal. I have loved living here in New York, but my heart belongs in England. Fingers crossed the reunion will be a smashing success, and I can't wait to get back into it......

Andy, looking at me asks me about my plans for the future outside of the band, and now is my chance to speak my truth. I take a deep breath, here we go......