My Life And Rock'n'Roll

Chapter 64 - Drown My Sorrows

Since we have left The Arts Place I have not said a word. Inwardly I am so angry with myself, and seeing how upset Cyn was at my presence do I know this is solely on me.

George and Paul look like they wanted to say something, and while I deserve whatever negative comments come my way, all I am thinking about is being able to talk to Cyn.

I can't explain it, I have such a strong pull towards her - like these feelings were always here. Gosh I am such an idiot, and I know I won't be able to move on without her in my life. The cars have come to a stop, and we are now in the Nightclub District, where we are guests of honour at one of the top Nightclubs.

I am dreading these appearances, but for the sake of the band, the publicity is very much needed. The more I think about it, the more I know with all the fame and fortune The Beatles has given me, it has come at such a cost.

I am truly miserable, and right now, if Cyn asks me to give all this up for her, I will do it. She is everything to me, it is sad that it has taken me this long to figure it out.......
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We have just arrived at Dragonne with Pete, and true to his word, there is a table reserved for us. Thankfully the owners placed us in a corner spot, and we have some privacy.

The food here is Traditional European, and Pete suggests we get an array of items and share them between us - we are all in agreement, and Pete orders our food and we tell the waiter what drinks we want.

It is quite a unique atmosphere, and all of us are in jovial conversation. Soon enough, our drinks and food arrive, and I have to say, the food here is very good.

Julian and Pete are having a good talk, so this gives Astrid and I the opportunity to have our own discussion, about what happened earlier - I tell Astrid the truth, I know I need to speak with John, but right now, I am not ready......

Astrid understands exactly how I feel, and she asks if I feel like going to a dance club later - Pete chimes in and asks if he can tag along, and Julian smiles, happy to go with the flow.

With that, we enjoy our food and each other's company, and it is a good distraction from my issues with John.......
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Geez.....you would think after all this time people would wake up and realise the loud noise and screaming is off putting - not just as a member of the band, but as a human being as well.

Fair dinkum, I use to hate this when we were on tour, and now, I just don't want to deal with this anymore. We are now on stage, facing a rather energetic and roaring crowd, chanting for us.

If this wasn't so silly it would almost be comical! George and Ringo seem to feel like I do, and the looks on their faces matches mine. Paul, however, is loving the attention - then again, he always was the pretty boy of the group!!!

Soon enough, we have fulfilled our commitment, and while I just want to go back to the Farmhouse, the guys want to go out. As we have security with us, I decide to tag along - but in truth, I just want to be alone and drown my sorrows in a bottle of scotch.....
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I am so relieved - Cynthia is in much better spirits, and the food here at Dragonne is delicious. Seeing Pete has helped Cynthia not let what happened with John earlier get the better of her, and we are all enjoying each other's company.

I have noticed Julian keeps a close eye on his Mum, and I am grateful she has him looking after her. I have no idea what may happen between John and Cynthia in the short term, as she is still hurting from John's actions all those years ago.

While she may have forgiven him, I don't think she will ever be able to get past what he did. If I were her, I don't know how I would react, this is so deep within her I am now unsure if she and John can ever be anything more than friends - her reactions to him are clearly showing how vulnerable John makes her feel, and I would do anything to help her......

For now, all I can do is be the best friend to her I can be. I suggest we go to a dance club after we leave here and Pete even asks to join us! Julian seems content with whatever Cynthia wants to do, and while I see John in Julian, there is still a big difference between them......
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Tonight has been a night that could have gone so wrong, for obvious reasons. When Dad and the guys showed up at the exhibition, I was really disappointed - I thought Dad would at least wait until the opening was done, but Dad has yet again shown everything has to be about him.....

I am thankful to Mr Best, having him there for Mum meant so much, and his suggestion for this Restaurant was great. The food here is phenomenal, and I have now had a chance to have a nice chat with Mr Best.

He seems genuinely interested in how things are going for Mum and I, and when Astrid put up the idea of going to a dance club, Mr Best was eager to join us. I am more than happy to follow Mum's lead, and maybe this could be the start of a good trip down here.....
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We have finished dinner, and after spending some extra time talking and laughing, we head to a dance club I know - it is behind the main strip, and I can't wait to let my hair down.

With any luck, Cynthia and Julian might have a good time too.....