My Life And Rock'n'Roll

Chapter 21 - An Understatement

Oh boy, of all the people Pete decided to bring here to visit on my second day back home I would not have guessed Astrid. To say I am stunned to see her is an understatement, and judging by the look on her face, she has something to say to me.

Even though we have been such good friends for many years, we lost touch when Yoko and I left for America. Astrid has been an integral part of my life - her influence with us boys in the early days of The Beatles was stronger than most, and of course, her relationship with my best mate Stuart Sutcliffe meant she was close friends with Cyn too.

Speaking of Cyn, I wonder if Astrid will tell me how she and Jules are. I cordially invite them both in, and we head into the lounge room. We have a good catch up, but as time goes by Astrid looks like she wants to talk to me. I am bracing myself for this......
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
After talking with John and Astrid for a while, I decide to give John and Astrid a chance to catch up. John clearly doesn't look comfortable, and for once, he needs to see how his actions have impacted on the rest of us around him.

I quickly take my leave, and when my driver drops me at home I ask him to come back and collect Astrid when she is ready. When I get inside and see Beth, I tell her of what is happening, and as of today, she and I are going to do everything we can to help him and Cyn find their way back to each other.......
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
Pete has just left, and now I have the chance to talk to John - and this has been a long time coming.....

For a minute or so, the room is eerily quiet. I start the conversation, and John is listening to what I am saying to him. I was expecting him to make excuses for his behaviours and treatments of everyone, in particular Cynthia and Julian.

Yet, to my astonishment, John lets me finish and then agrees with everything I have just said. I can see the pain in his face, and when I mention his interview with Andy Peebles he manages to crack a smile - it has been so long since I have seen John smile, and he genuinely seems happy with how the interview went.

I decide against asking personal questions about him and Yoko, as to be honest, I don't care and it is not my business. John is looking at me pensively, and I know what he is going to ask. The question is do I tell him everything or not.....
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
This conversation didn't end up going the way I thought it would. Astrid let me know exactly what she thinks. I had no answers, not ones that would be useful anyway. I knew she was right with what she said, and all I could do was acknowledge that fact.

Astrid could see the sadness on my face, and when she mentioned my interview with Andy Peebles, I actually was happy with how that went, at least for now anyway. I am expecting to hear from Andy soon, and fingers crossed my thoughts and feelings will be delivered the way I want.

Looking at Astrid, I know what I need to ask - instead of beating around the bush I get to it, and ask her how Cyn and Jules are. She is contemplating what to tell me, until she decides to tell me something.....
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
John is just full of surprises. He was quick to ask about Cynthia and Julian, and now I am torn. Do I tell him the truth or nothing at all?

Seeing as John is showing some concern for them, I tell him the truth - Cynthia and Julian have been struggling, and while Cynthia and her ex husband divorced last year she has had a lot on her plate with her Mother's illness and relocating back here to England.

John covers his face when I tell him this, and I am wondering what has changed - his previous behaviour towards them both was deplorable and yet as he is sitting here before me a totally different man, almost like the John I used to know, I am wondering if it is possible that John still loves Cynthia and misses her and Julian?

I put John on the spot, and ask him after all this time why does he want to know - then I throw it out there and ask him does he really still love Cynthia, and why has it taken him this long to figure all this out. John looks at me speechless, and looking straight at me tells me how he really feels.....

Wow, I never envisioned after all this time John's love for Cynthia is stronger than ever, and he misses being a father to Julian. Seeing the look on his face, when he said that he wants the chance to be the partner and father he should have been and never was, I truly believe he means what he is saying.

I have no idea what to say to this, except how on earth do I explain this to Cynthia and Julian - for so long they have been left out in the cold, and now, I have no idea how they will take to the news of what John is feeling.

After seeing the pain he has put them through, a part of me wants to forget I ever heard John tell me how he feels. On the other hand, Cynthia has the right to decide if she wants John in her life again, and Julian is entitled to decide if he wants to give John the opportunity to be a proper father to him.

John has so much to say to both of them, yet I don't think he has ever understood just how much pain he has put them through - then again, maybe he finally does......