My Life And Rock'n'Roll

Chapter 37 - George Harrison And Pattie Boyd

I am a nervous wreck. I have just arrived at Pete's, and I have no idea what to expect. I was encouraged by Paul helping me organise a plane to get me back here, and now he has reached out, I am ready to mend the bridges I have so badly burnt.

When Pete answers the door, we share a man hug, and he leads me into the lounge, where Paul is awaiting my arrival. Without thinking, Paul gets up and we hug each other. It has been so long since we have seen each other, yet it feels like our friendship has never been strained.

Pete leaves us alone to talk and catch up, and I am feeling really grateful for this opportunity. Unfortunately I have been cruel to Paul since The Beatles split, and I have to take sole responsibility for that.....
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Since seeing John's interview at the BBC, I am struggling to process my feelings. I am repeating John's words over in my head, and, it occurs to me our relationship was a long topic of discussion.

I am confused as to why I was such a large part of the interview, given that our marriage and divorce was so long ago. Then as I replay what I recall John saying, does it occur to me just how much of the interview was about me, and about us.....

This has thrown me for a loop. I have always thought John didn't love me anymore, and that he wanted his future to be in the US. I become teary, as this realisation explains why John talked about me so much.

I have no idea what to feel, so I need to do what I have always done - put one foot in front of the other. I need to be strong, for Julian and for myself. I have Jim's dinner to look forward to, and it will be good for me to do something to take my mind off things......
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Today has gone by so slowly for me. After watching Dad's interview I have been in my room thinking about what he has said, and knowing he feels the way he does, do I feel not just hurt, but disappointed that it has taken so many years of distance and pain for Dad to admit I am not only a part of his life, but that he regrets leaving me behind.

I am immensely grateful Andy did the interview with Dad, but for me, I have been on the receiving end of so much hurt and pain at Dad's hand, that time may not be a healer. I am concerned about Mum, as majority of his interview was regarding her and their relationship.

Over the years Mum has given me some insight into her relationship with Dad, but I have always had the impression Mum has held a lot back. Now, as Dad is saying what he truly feels, do I know this will be affecting Mum.

Any way I look at it, I know Mum will never fully move on with her life, but if Mum can find love and happiness, it would mean so much to me......
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Paul has just left Pete's. Pete walks in to the lounge, and I tell him Paul and I have come to a truce, and after having a long conversation, we are moving forward. When I mention Paul and Linda have invited me over for dinner next week, Pete is rapt for me.

I am really looking forward to that, it will be great to see Linda and how their family is going after all this time. Fingers crossed this is the start of a new beginning.....

As it is only Pete and I here, as Beth is still away, we are going to order some take out and have a guys night in......

After eating some Chinese we are now camped out in the lounge. We are sharing a bottle of wine, and talking about what is going on in our lives. Pete is so lucky, he has Beth and the kids.

Hearing Pete so happy with his life makes me jealous on so many different levels, and somehow the conversation shifts back to me. Pete asks me how I am going, and we talk about my life.

I don't like talking about my life so much, not just because of The Beatles but my private life is anything but the reality of what I want it to be. Pete gets me to open up, and I candidly tell him how I truly feel.....

When Pete asks me about everything that happened between Yoko and I, I decide to be truthful. I tell him all about Sam, and how she was using my name to benefit herself, while making it plain she didn't want me. Pete looks sad for me, I decide to be open and say while having Sean was an important part of my life, it was what happened after he was born which has brought me to where I am now.....

After I tell Pete everything, he looks at me in total shock. I must admit, saying how much I love and miss Cynthia makes it all the more difficult for me to bare. I have loved Cynthia for all of my adult life, and she is the love of my life.

Pete wants to know how I plan to get her back, and I look at him - I have no idea, but I will never give up. She is the one for me, I need to step up and do what I should have done so many years ago - sadly though, this will be much easier said than done.....
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Jim has just arrived to pick me up, and he has kindly brought me a bunch of flowers. I quickly put them in a vase, and as I go to leave I give Julian a kiss and Jim and I head out. While we are on our way in the taxi, Jim tells me what the dinner is about.....

When he mentions the people attending, I become quite nervous. Two of the people attending I haven't seen or had contact with since my divorce from John.

When we arrive at the Restaurant, I am inwardly nervous. I take a deep breath, and as we are shown to our table, I see them. They both look happy to see me, and I am surprised. Of all the people I expected Jim to have business dealings with, I never expected it to be George Harrison and Pattie Boyd.....