My Life And Rock'n'Roll

Chapter 78 - No Turning Back

It is utterly amazing what money and connections can buy.....tonight has been wonderful, and everyone is enjoying themselves. Julian has been the biggest surprise of all - he, George and Ringo have been singing songs and dancing around the bonfire for the better part of the last few hours.....

Security have done a sterling job not only keeping us safe, but there is no sight of anyone else, anywhere......John has been keeping close with Pete and Paul, while I have been with Astrid and the girls. At one point, Beth wanted to talk to me in private, so we went for a walk.

When Beth started by apologising for her lack of support I was stunned. Years ago, Beth and I were very close friends, and I must admit when she dropped me the way she did, it hurt - reality was though, Beth was always going to side with John, no matter whom was at fault.

I accepted her apology, but I also decided that we will never be close again or likely be in the same social circle so I wanted to leave it at that. That didn't stop Beth with her next two surprises - it appears she was the one who helped me get the job at Harrod's, as she knows people in Upper Management.

This was a total surprise, but, according to Beth, she only suggested they look at my work - they ultimately made the decision to offer me a job. I hugged Beth thank you, but then, as I thought our conversation was near over, she broke the biggest surprise of them all......

Unbeknownst to me, some of my friends still keep in touch with her, and Beth spoke of Mum - her knowledge about her illness and hospitalisation. Before I had the opportunity to ask her about if she knew anything about who is paying Mum's bills, she quietly mentioned she helped play a part in it, but the money came from a different source.

My face went white, as I knew straight away without Beth saying a word who would pay that type of money - I had to know, I needed confirmation. I asked if it was John, and Beth, in response, mentioned that years ago, when John and I initially separated, he invested in their start up as a silent partner.....

Yoko doesn't know anything about this, and after building the business up for so many years Pete and Beth sold the business last year for a large settlement, meaning John had capital outside his Beatle life and marriage to Yoko.....

How do I even get my head around this, and then, Beth smiled and said everything John has done - to get back to England, back to his family, was all about Julian and I.

I am lost for words right now, and as I look back at the group I see John looking right at me, and it happens again - our eyes are completely transfixed on each other, and, this time, I, I am completely uncertain how to react.

Part of me had always hoped this moment would eventuate, but I also recognised that maybe my time with John has come and gone. Beth sees John and I reacting, and she breaks my train of thought.....

Beth asks how would I deal with the fact John still loves me, and wants me back - unfortunately, this trip has brought out so many emotions, that I need time, and plenty of it. Beth decides to leave it at that, but she asks me not to tell John I know about him paying for Mum's medical bills. I only nod my head, as I am still trying to wrap my head around everything Beth has just told me......

Oh no! As Beth and I walk back towards the group, John is walking towards us, alone, and asks me to talk with him. This conversation is going to be a hard one, and after dealing with Beth, I am not sure how I will cope with talking to John.

I decide to hear him out, and we take a walk. I can sense John is apprehensive, yet, he seems confident enough to start talking. I haven't seen this side to John for so many years, yet it still feels familiar all the same......
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I have been such a nervous wreck all night. Since Cyn and Jules arrived down here at the beach, I have been waiting for a chance to talk with Cyn, alone.

Watching Beth and Cyn talking away from the group was no surprise, as Pete let me know earlier Beth wanted to make amends with Cyn. They looked deep in conversation, yet, she and Cyn managed to hug it out. I couldn't take my eyes off my girl, then it occurs to me - Cyn is not my girl, yet.....

The moment we lock eyes again, I know. I know what a b*****d I have been over the years, and I know this will not be an easy task. I must admit, we were in sync what felt like one second, when it was actually much longer.

Now Cyn has looked away, I am curious as to what their talk was about, and I am hoping that with their conversation now finished, that this will give me the opportunity to speak with Cyn while she seems to be in a good state of mind.....

I leave the guys and approach Cyn. This is it, there is no turning back - and I have no intentions of doing anything but move forward, move forward with the woman who not only holds my love, but my heart and soul as well....

Beth walks past me and nods her head, so she knows just what I have to lose. I ask Cyn to talk with me, and when she agrees I feel so warm inside.

We take a walk, and once I feel we are far enough away we sit on the sand. God almighty, seeing Cyn like this, makes my heart beat that much faster - no matter what happens, I am so done for - if only Cyn knew just how much I not only want her, but need her......