My Life And Rock'n'Roll

Chapter 83 - 'The Fake Showbiz Smile'

"The night is young, and the sky is clear as a bell - the right ingredients for tonight's Charity Dinner here at Harrod's......" I can hear the voice of a journalist when the car pulls up at Harrod's, and Julian and I are entering the building.

Thankfully we briskly walk past before we are stopped, and as we enter the lift I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I started to panic when I was doing my hair and makeup, so I decided to keep my look simple and stylish - at least I hope so......

We are only an hour away from the guests arriving, and I am now starting to get butterflies in my stomach. I normally don't suffer from the jitters, but this, this event, has really brought my insecurities to the fore.

Julian has been wonderful, keeping close and helping me keep my nerves in check, and as we leave the elevator and enter the ballroom do I start to tear up......

The room looks beautiful, and everything I wanted has come to plan perfectly. My bosses approach and greet me warmly, delighted with my decor selection - not only is this a relief, but perhaps, a good start of things to come tonight.......
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This is it.....Mum and I have arrived at the Harrod's Ballroom, and I have to say, Mum has done an excellent job. The colour palette is soft but light, and I can see the smile coming off Mum.....

It is good to see her smile, and as she talks with  who appear to be her bosses, do I decide to have a look around and stay out of the way. There appears to be room to accompany around 500 guests, and does it occur to me this event is much bigger than I anticipated.....

As I look back to Mum, I think back to when I saw her coming down the stairs ready to go - I had to let her know how beautiful she looked, and I was amazed that Mum nearly started to cry. It occurs to me that Mum is not used to receiving compliments like that, and I am so upset with Dad.....

I know he and I are trying to work out our issues, but sometimes, disappointment from his past behaviour kicks in. When Dad mentioned he is coming tonight, I sincerely hoped in my head he will try not to make Mum uncomfortable, but at the same time, do I see he needs to step up much more than he already has.....
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I can feel goosebumps all over my body. I am so wired, ready to strike......

When I made my list, I was truly not expecting to feel such hatred, such animosity, for these so called A-Listers, but, now, this is what it is.

I am sitting in my spot, awaiting my moment. The big names have been slowly starting to arrive for the last hour, and I am becoming increasingly hyper for what I am about to do.

I haven't seen John Lennon arrive yet, so all I can do is wait. Realistically, what is needed is patience, luck, and good vision - here is hoping I have all three.....
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We are now on our way to Harrod's Ballroom, and I am really excited for what is to come tonight. As we are driving through London, it occurs to me how much my life has changed, and I am starting to feel so much more relaxed and happy now am I finally back in England.

Without realising, the cars have come to a stop, and as I look around I see the flashes of cameras as we make our way inside. I end up having photos with everyone, and all members of the media seem keen to have shots of The Beatles......

As I am giving the cameras their million dollar shots, I realise what is not happening and should be - Cyn should be here, right beside me, and all I can do in this moment is put on what I call 'the fake showbiz smile.'

Once we get the formalities out of the way, we head upstairs. The minute the elevators open and we walk into The Ballroom, I am speechless......

The room looks amazing, and as I take it all in, I see Cyn - damn she is so beautiful in the green dress she is wearing, and then, it happens - we lock eyes. As we look at each other, it occurs to me my feelings and emotions for her are the same as they were all those years ago with one big difference - this time they are much stronger, and I know I need to talk to her tonight.

I just hope I get the chance......
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The night is now officially in full on mode, and as I am working the room I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I turn to my left, and I see a pair of eyes that are so familiar to me.....

John and I somehow end up looking right at each other, and in this moment I know I have always loved him. How can I possibly still have such strong feelings for this man - the man who has always held my love, my heart......

For what feels like an eternity, I can't look away from John. He looks so handsome in his suit, and right then I knew, knew that no matter what I did, where my life would head, that John will still be there - whether I want him to be there or not.......

I finally break the stare, and I decide to keep working the room. Right now I need to stay focused, as tonight is not about me......
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I look at my watch and I start to become impatient. I was unable to take my shot earlier, as John was not easily accessible. I am not a sharp shoot, and I wasn't able to get a clear shot.

For now, I lay in wait out in the cold, and I am trying to keep a level head. This is the night, and I am not going to let anything, of anyone, get in my way........