My Life And Rock'n'Roll

Chapter 54 - Sleep It Off

I have just finished work at the Record Shop, and as I head home on the bus I think about what Dad said this Morning about Mum and Hamburg. I am going to ask her why she hasn't spoken about it, and I hope she is going....

If this is such a big deal I will be there, for Mum....she has been selfless for me all of my life, and if this will help her, by me being there, then it is exactly what I will do.

When I get home, I hear Mum crying upstairs. So much has gone on lately I leave her be, and start on dinner. I decide on Penne Napoli, and get to it. Within fifteen minutes Mum is coming down, and I am plating up.

When she walks in, I see her face is red from crying. Mum hugs me tight, and I know this is about Dad. Lately it seems to be all about Dad, and I am wondering if I should tell her what he thinks of her too.....
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Pete and I are sitting in his lounge room, both a little worse for wear. When we arrived back Pete headed straight for the scotch, and being the good friend I am, joined him.....

Now we are both inebriated and slurring our words. We end up singing some of my old Beatles Songs, and when Beth arrives home she lets us both know she is not happy.....

Thankfully, Beth helps us both upstairs to sleep it off, and I am grateful she is being so tolerant of our behaviour. I eventually wake up a few hours later and it is now dark outside, when I hear Pete and Beth arguing downstairs.

It doesn't take too much for me to figure out it is about me, and Beth tells Pete I am not giving Cyn any reason to give me another chance, and that I have been selfish for such a long time.

I hear Pete trying to stick up for me, but I know Beth is right. I make my presence known, and apologise to Beth. I thank her for everything she has done for me, and I acknowledge she is right with what she says.

Beth and Pete both look at me, and to my surprise Beth asks how I intend on getting Cyn back, and I tell them both I have no idea, but I would like to speak to her when she is in Hamburg for the exhibition......

Beth, to my surprise, mentions she helped Cyn get her job at Harrod's, and she has done as much as she can to help her since she has returned to England. I am lost for words, but hug her thanking her for doing that, and I will never forget what either of them have done for me, for us.....

The mood is much lighter, although my head is pounding from earlier. Beth has organised Fish and Chips, and I have to say I need something greasy......
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I have slowly calmed down. After John left, all I could do was cry. How could I not see this - when John told me of his feelings for Cynthia, I didn't believe him.

When we were together for that eighteen months, he was so adamant with his feelings towards her and how she wanted him back. Now I see the truth for what it was - John lied to my face, and ensured I didn't trust Cynthia.

That worked well for him, but now, do I feel such a fool. Cynthia is one of the nicest and down to earth people I have ever encountered, and for John to blatantly lie about her and his feelings for her do I know now what I should have back then.....

John has never stopped loving her, and him downplaying her importance suited his agenda at that time, and I fell for it - hook, line and sinker. Now I feel the need to apologise to Cynthia, as she has never been anything but truthful and upfront with me, while I have been so disingenuous towards her.

I will need to find a way, as I will never feel at peace with my conscience if I don't......
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After soaking in the bath and crying for what felt like eternity, I get out and put some pajamas on. I can hear Julian downstairs in the kitchen, and something smells good.

The minute he sees me, he can tell I have been crying, and while I have tried to shield him from the everlasting pain his father has put me through, I know he is now old enough to see what is happening around him....

I quickly hug him tight, and Julian asks if I am hungry. To be honest I don't feel like eating, but it does smell good and Julian has become an amazing cook. We sit down to eat, and Julian talks about his day.....
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Mum and I are sitting down having dinner, and  I decide to tell her about visiting Dad. Mum gives me a small smile, and I know she is happy we are working on our relationship.

When I tell her Dad's reaction to her breakup with Jim, I see tears falling from her eyes. I know these last couple of years have been really hard on Mum, and to see just how emotional she becomes when I mention Dad, do I know her wounds have never and will likely never heal....

I now broach the subject of the exhibition in Hamburg, and Mum asks how I know about that - she quickly realises it is Dad who told me, and Mum lets me know she was going to tell me tonight.

I tell her I will go with her to Hamburg, as this is important for her and I want to be there for her just like she has done for me for all of these years. Mum leans over and grabs my hand, and I know she will need me there....

I now tell Mum what I think Dad feels for her, and to my surprise, she blushes beet red. What she says next is a surprise, but I am not sure what this means moving forward.....