My Life And Rock'n'Roll

Chapter 88 - In His Own Hands....

Today feels overwhelming, almost hollow in fact. I am being released from Cromwell Hospital, and Pete will be here to take me home.

My injuries were only minor, and while I was shot twice, there was minimal damage to the main parts of my body and I lost little blood. I feel sad to be leaving Cyn, as she still hasn't woken up, and Jules has had to endure being here everyday for the last twelve days......

I spoke to him yesterday, as soon as I found out I am being released, and offered for him to stay with me, so I can also come in and visit Cyn, but, he has been steadfast in staying with his Mum and with his Uncle Anthony will be keeping a close eye on him.

Charles, on the other hand, has had to go back overseas, and thankfully Cyn appears to be out of the woods for the moment, however, Doctors are concerned if she doesn't wake up soon they may need to take Medical Action.....

Pete has just arrived to pick me up, and we both head in to see Cyn. I don't know what has come over me, but the moment I take her hand in mine that does it. I break down, and this time it is much harder than I have ever done before.

I know that she has to make it, for Jules. Me, well, I made my deal with the Heavens and I will keep to that - no matter what, I will always love her, and will do anything to make sure she and Jules have everything they could ever want or need.

Lord knows I owe them this much, and as I am about to leave Jules comes in. He sees my face, and we hug. I never appreciated what a lucky Son Of A Bitch I am to have him as my son, and this has shown me I need to do a damn sight more.....

In this, I am going to give it my all.....
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It is one of those days, and I don't just mean that metaphorically either. For the last twelve days, John has been here in Hospital, and for the rest of us, this nightmare has taken a toll, on each of us.....

After everything that has happened, none of us are sure how things will go for John with regards to his life and/or The Beatles, as, looking at John right now, do I see just how tormented he is.

While none of us would have predicted this situation would have even occurred, it was a mutual decision by everyone to leave John be, to sort himself out. Now, as I look at my best mate, do I feel for him.....

When he left Cynthia for Yoko, I knew he had changed, and even though we are such good friends, I never understood how he could turn into the person he did.

Today, looking at him, do I see the guy I grew up with, the bloke who started out with a dream of making it big....and being madly in love with that posh girl from over the water......

When John first mentioned coming back to England, I didn't think he was being serious. I must admit I had my doubts he was happy living his life the way he was, but the more time wore on, the more I knew he truly wanted to be back here.

As for Beth and I, we ensured John had a base to come back to, both financially and a lifestyle we thought he very much needed. Having seen his reactions and feelings about Cynthia and Julian, do I accept John's destiny is in his own hands....

So far, he has proven me wrong, as he is willing to fight for his family, and his old life with Yoko is almost like another lifetime ago. Watching him with Cynthia and Julian at this moment, knowing things could have easily been so different, makes me wonder how John will cope without Cynthia.

Julian looks ready to have John in his life, and if Cynthia isn't in his future, I am really starting to doubt he will be able to move forwards. In saying that, he seems to be dealing with these longstanding issues better than any of us thought he would......
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My life is a mixed bag right now. Mum is still here in Hospital, and it has now been twelve days since the shooting and she still is yet to wake up.

Thankfully Dad, on the other hand, is being released today. Due to the shooter only marginally hitting Dad, he is able to function close to normal. I also consider myself lucky, as the shots fired never got close to me - only Mum.....

The more I think about this, the angrier I get. What on Earth did my Mum ever do to deserve being shot at? While I know Dad was the intended target, it is still bewildering to think the shooter had no thought or moral compass to consider the consequences of his actions.....

The guy should consider himself fortunate that he is already dead, as, to be honest, if he was still alive I would have taken him out myself.....

As I walk into Mum's room, I see both Pete and Dad whispering to each other. The moment Dad looks at me, I see his face. He clearly has been crying, and I can't help it, I hug him.

Dad is embracing these moments with me, and it makes me appreciate I am fortunate to still have Dad in my life. When he offered for me to live with him I came so close to accepting his offer, but, realistically, I want to be here for Mum when she wakes up, and Uncle Anthony is going to keep checking up on me everyday.....

Now, seeing Dad heading on home brings my reality to the fore. Mum needs to wake up, and soon, because if she doesn't, I know in my heart Dad won't be the only one who won't be able to cope.......