My Life And Rock'n'Roll

Chapter 11 - No Turning Back

Now is my chance - the chance to finally talk about my future. This has been such a long time coming, and as Andy asks me about my future outside the band, I am eager to tell not just him, but the world of what I want my future to be.

I know this will not make Yoko happy, and, for once, I really don't care what she thinks or what she wants. I am going to make this about me - and so I do......

I look straight to the camera, and speak my truth.....While I am wanting to go home to England and reunite with the band, I want to make amends to those I have wronged.

Of all my failures, my family is without doubt my biggest. Cyn and Jules obviously, while my sisters Julia and Jacquie have not had much contact with me in years. Now I am getting older, I want to focus on my family.

While Sean is only young, I want all my family to come together - this will be easier said than done, but I am more than prepared to make the effort.

For my own personal life, I am at a crossroads. I have much to consider, and I have some big decisions to make. Being home in England will give me some perspective, and I look forward to what my future will be.....

As Andy looks at me, he nods his head in understanding, and I decide to continue. This is it, no turning back now......

After talking about everything that has got me to this point, I know this interview will be incomplete without me mentioning Yoko. So here goes.....

For some time now I feel something in my life is missing, and while I have had my share of successes and made more money than I could ever spend, I have come to realise my marriage to Yoko is nowhere near the perfect charade paraded to the media.

To be honest, Yoko and I are strangers living under the same roof - we don't share the marital bed, I don't see much of her as she holes herself up in her office, and she is forever surrounded by her entourage, which very rarely includes me.

I feel trapped in my own home, and while Sean is my son, the time has come for me to face what I should have done so long ago. I feel our marriage has run its course, and while many will argue how great Yoko and I are together, well, no one sees what happens behind the closed doors.

I am now at the point of my life where I am no longer prepared to live that way, so I am now taking charge of my own destiny. My aim is to be the best father to both of my sons that I can be, while also looking to broaden my musical acumen. Anything else that comes after that, well, that is in the hands of the gods.
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John has just completed this interview, and I have to say the conclusion was as good if not better than I could have ever expected. As my cameraman is packing everything away, John and I head outside for a talk.

We discuss particulars on when and how this interview will be presented, with John having the final say on everything the BBC has gathered.

As John lights up a ciggie, he looks happier than when he started talking about his life this morning. I decide to broach the subject of giving Cynthia and Julian a copy of this material, and he starts to tear up.

He tells me of his underlying fear of their rejection, then decides it is their choice if they wish to see and hear of his comments. Due to the time, John butts out his ciggie and decides to take his leave, as Fred could only ensure so much time without Yoko knowing or becoming suspicious.

We both shake hands, and I am grateful he has taken the time to meet with me for an interview. We promise to catch up with each other when we are both back in England, and I will be in contact with John with regards to the interview in a couple of months time.

I have more material than I thought I would get, so I can see both a Television and Newspaper interview being possible. This will be completely up to John, and fingers crossed we can provide not just him, but the public with what they are hoping for. I certainly hope so anyway....
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Today has been trying to say the least. I have managed to get everything out in the open, I can only hope Yoko doesn't get wind of my plans.

After we conclude the interview, I quickly go out for a ciggie - Andy joins me outside, and he suggests Cynthia and Julian receive a copy of all the materials. I start to tear up, and openly admit to Andy of all my fears, the most underlying fear I have is their rejection.

Andy understands completely, and I decide Cyn and Jules should have the choice - I owe them at least that much. After finishing my ciggie, I look at the time and need to head back to The Dakota.

Fred managed to keep my schedule 'busy' for only so many hours today, and I don't want to tip my hand to Yoko until I am safely back in England - which will be much sooner than she thinks!

We both shake hands, and mutually agree to meet up when we are both back in England. As I will be back there in four weeks, Andy says he will contact me in around two months with regards to the presentation of the interview.

As I leave, I thank Andy for taking the effort to do this. I don't think much of the media, and I am hoping today goes the way I want it to. I ensure I get back to The Dakota quickly so I arrive at the time my schedule 'shows' I should. 

I am keeping everything crossed today has been a success, but as the saying goes, only time will tell.....