Torn [SHAWN MENDES]

~1~

They'd been on the road for about an hour when the song started playing over the car's speakers. This was why she didn't like choosing the radio function on Apple Music, but it was his turn to pick what they listened to, and it wasn't worth having to explain her objection. Taryn wasn't sure if his fingers, which were laced with hers as their forearms rested on the console between their seats, actually tensed up or if she just imagined it. Regardless, she reached over with her free hand to skip it.

"You don't have to do that," he said calmly.

"I know," she replied, her index finger frozen over the button.

"Let it play. It's a good song."

It was more than good. It had been nominated for every award possible and had won a Grammy. It was the kind of song that propelled an artist to the top of the A list.

It was phenomenal.

Unfortunately, it was also a song about her, which made Taryn uneasy and anxious whenever she heard it.

She lowered her hand and tried to not listen to the lyrics, focusing only on the beautiful melody. When it got to the bridge, she gulped back her emotions as she stared out the window at the passing scenery. It was impossible to hear him sing about his undying love without feeling something.

When the song ended, the handsome man next to her turned and smiled. "See? That part of your life is in the past and isn't a big deal unless we make it into one."

She appreciated the sentiment, but she didn't agree with it. Her past was still part of her, and her therapist, Amber, told her she needed to acknowledge it instead of suppressing it. "Can we stop soon? I need to pee," she asked.

He pulled off at the next exit and found a gas station with a Tim Horton's attached. He filled up the SUV and then got them both coffees and a box of Timbits to share. Taryn went straight to the bathroom and locked herself in one of the two stalls where she let herself cry for a few minutes. It wasn't that she was miserable in general, in fact, most of the time she felt fine. Yet sometimes, like when she heard that song, she became instantly blue. She exited the restroom after washing her face and touching up her make-up, thankful for the big sunglasses that hid the evidence of her outburst. When she got back in the car, she greeted her fiancé with a bright smile.

"I asked for extra cream and sugar, so hopefully your coffee is good," he told her as he pulled back onto the highway.

She took a sip. "Perfect."

They were headed to Montreal for his best friend's wedding and decided to drive instead of flying, because it meant they'd have more time alone. Lately she'd been busy with her chain of brewpubs, and he'd taken on night shifts at the hospital where he was an anesthesiologist.

"I think we'll have time for a nap before the dinner tonight since we got an early start," he said.

"Your sleep schedule is so out of whack. I hope for your sake you get to rest before all the excitement starts."

He chuckled. "Sleep is for suckers. I can't wait to have a few drinks and dance the night away with the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Oh? Is she attending the wedding?"

"Ha ha. I wish you saw yourself the way I do, ma chéri," he said, slipping into his first language momentarily.

When she looked in the mirror these days, all she saw was an unfamiliar aging face. Turning thirty-six had been miserable, and every new wrinkle reminded her that she was past her prime.

They stopped two hours later to get some cold drinks and another snack. When they hit the road again, Taryn took the wheel, and within minutes, Julian was sound asleep. She switched the music to a playlist she made years ago that included no songs with any significance to her past. This hadn't been an easy task, because music had been a big part of their life together. Long before they fell in love, he'd made her playlists for The Good Luck Lounge, which had probably been thrown out when the old sound system was replaced. She'd replicated them on her phone, but that wasn't the same as the CDs with his handwritten notes. Even if she'd salvaged them, they'd be in the box in the basement that held all the other mementos of their time together, so it wasn't worth lamenting that they were long gone.

The drive was smooth and helped her feel more at peace. When they arrived at their hotel, she woke her partner up and they retrieved their bags from the trunk before letting the valet park the car. The suite was lovely, which she'd expected since he always went overboard.

"Glass of wine?" he asked after they were settled in.

"What time do we have to be at the restaurant?"

He took his phone out of his pocket and pulled up the itinerary. "Seven, but as best man I want to get there a bit early. I was thinking we'd crack open this bottle of red, maybe get a little romantic, and then sleep for an hour or so."

"Just a little romantic?" she asked with a quirked eyebrow.

He crossed the room in several long strides and pulled her into his arms. In lieu of answering her, he leaned forward and gave her a very deep kiss. Before long, the wine was forgotten and they found themselves tangled in the white hotel sheets.

Taryn woke up in a cold sweat with tears streaming down her face. She immediately looked to her left to see if Jules had noticed, but his spot was empty. The sound of him singing happily (and off-key) in the shower confirmed that he hadn't been there for her nightmare trauma.

It was always the same damn dream, if you could even call it that. Was there a word for when you relived something that actually happened to you? Whatever it was, there was no way it could convey the misery that these recurring nightmares caused her.

She picked her phone up from the nightstand and texted her mom as a distraction.

How's my sweetiepie?

Patricia responded immediately.

Good as gold!

Earl took him for a 3 mile walk

How was the drive?

Jules came into the bedroom, still singing to himself, as Taryn replied to her mother.

It was fine

GTG...need to shower before the dinner

"Checking in on the baby?" Jules guessed since he knew her well.

"Of course. He's doing fine and is probably being spoiled rotten."

"No doubt. The shower is fantastic, by the way. Great water pressure."

She hopped out of bed. "Yay! I'm going to get in it right now. Why don't you open that bottle of red wine."

Taryn took her glass into the bathroom with her and drank a third of it before getting into the steamy shower. She washed her long auburn hair and ran a razor over her legs since she was wearing a short skirt that night. After soaping up her body with the citrus scented soap the hotel provided, she finished her wine and stood under the shower head with her eyes closed as the end of the dream played in her head again. A knock on the door brought her back to reality.

"We need to leave in thirty minutes," Jules reminded her.

She was ready in time, but just barely. "Tonight is only family and the bridal party?" she inquired as they strolled down the corridor hand in hand.

"Oui. Tomorrow will be a the same group for the rehearsal and luncheon, and then on Saturday you'll meet everyone else at the wedding. My friends are very excited to finally get to know you."

Taryn met his parents and brother at Christmas and knew all his Toronto friends and co-workers. She hadn't been introduced to any of his friends from boarding school or university, mainly because they'd all moved to other cities for their careers or had families that tied them down.

"I hope they like me," she said nervously as they got in the glass elevator.

"They'll love you."