Torn [SHAWN MENDES]

~23~

"Spill it," Karen Rayment said to her son after he put Piper down for her afternoon nap.

"Spill what?"

"When you came back from Taryn's, I could tell you were upset. I've given you all afternoon to tell me what's going on, but now I'm going to push. Did something happen?"

"I could use a beer. You want a drink?"

She nodded. "I'll take a glass of the open bottle of Pinot Grigio in the fridge."

They moved into the family room once they had their beverages and sat down on the sectional sofa. Shawn took a big swig of his Canadian lager and tried to decide how much he should tell his mum. "Taryn and I talked and I said some things I probably shouldn't have."

"You didn't upset her, did you? She's been through so much lately!"

Looking down at the floor, he said, "I think I did, which is why I feel like shit now. My intention was to apologize for what I'd done and explain that I was sorry for how things turned out between us, but I went too far."

Karen sipped her white wine. "What did you say?"

He did his best to summarize the conversation, and when he was done, he finished his beer and got up to get another and to refill his mother's wine glass. He wanted her to have a minute to process what he'd said.

"Shawn, your father and I love you, but I know we've crossed a line in the past when expressing our opinions about some of your life choices. We were harsh when you left Taryn and even more so when you said you were getting divorced. It's put a strain on our relationship with you, so I'm not going to proceed with my thoughts on all this unless you really want to hear what I have to say."

His mum was one of the wisest people he knew, which was part of the problem. Whatever she thought was undoubtedly correct but also potentially painful. "Can you give me the abbreviated or edited version?"

"I'll try," she told him before taking a drink of wine. "Apologizing for past infractions is a good thing and I'm proud of you for both recognizing that you made some mistakes and for owning up to them."

"But?"

"But what you said implies that you wish things had turned out differently and that you were still with Taryn, with the one exception being that you're happy you have Piper."

He stood up and looked out the window at the swimming pool, which reminded him of Taryn's liquid blue eyes. "It was more than implied. That's exactly what I said to her, just not so bluntly."

"And what did you want to accomplish? Were you hoping she'd say she felt the same way?"

Turning to his mum, he said, "I think she does feel that way. I know her inside out, so I think I'd know if she no longer loved me."

Karen stood up and placed a comforting hand on his bicep. "You still love her as much as ever, don't you?"

"Yes." There was a question left hanging between them. If he loved Taryn, why did he divorce her, marry another woman, and start a family? "I can't undo what I've done and it's killing me. When I crashed the car into Winter's house, I was able to come back from that. This is different. There's no solution to fix what I messed up with her that isn't catastrophic. Not that she's looking for a solution. She might still love me, but she loves Julian, too."

Tears filled his mum's eyes. "I wish I had some advice for you, because I know you're hurting."

"It's okay. I made my bed and now I have to lie in it."

He'd be in that bed with his current wife, which hadn't seemed so terrible until he'd seen Taryn again. Now he wasn't sure if he'd feel content laying next to her for the rest of his life.