Torn [SHAWN MENDES]

~25~

"I love you so much," Jules panted into Taryn's neck as he thrust deeply in and out of her.

She pulled his face to hers, causing him to slow his pace somewhat as their hot wet mouths connected. His tongue slipped between her lips, hungrily searching out hers as his hips swiveled between her legs. He reached one hand down and put it behind her ass so he could lift her slightly and increase the delicious friction.

"I'm so close!" she moaned as she threw her head back.

"Come for me, mon bijou."

It drove Taryn wild when her lover used French terms of affection, which of course he knew. He started whispering other dirty things into her ear in his native language and within seconds, she was shaking underneath him. He let go and released inside her with a loud groan.

"I needed that," she said a few minutes later while he held her in his arms.

"You've had a hard couple of weeks, so I concur."

"It's not just that." She propped herself up on one elbow. "We were overdue for connecting this way."

"I haven't initiated anything because you've seemed a bit distracted."

She laid back down. "I have been, you're right. Life has been overwhelming, and I've been inside my head too much, overthinking things."

Jules lowered his head and tenderly licked circles around one of her erect nipples as he slipped his hand between her legs. "Turn your brain off and let me give you more pleasure."

He was an incredibly generous lover, which was one of many positives about him. It wasn't just that he always made sure she got hers; he wanted her to have more.

"Can I talk to you about something?" she asked two mind-blowing orgasms later.

"Anything."

"When Shawn was here, our past came up."

"I know. You said he apologized," Julian said before pulling her tightly against him.

"There was more to it, and I'm not comfortable keeping things from you, so I'd like to tell you now, even though it's late." She'd rehearsed this in her head for days, but until now, she'd been too afraid to bring it up.

"If something is weighing on you, then I'm always here to listen. I suspected there was more to your conversation than you let on."

"I'm sorry...I just wasn't sure what to tell you, but I firmly believe that honesty is important. I've made the mistake of holding information back in the past."

"Go ahead."

She inhaled once and exhaled slowly. "Shawn said...well maybe he didn't say it outright...I don't know...I guess he just implied that he's not completely over me and that he regrets not trying to work things out before we divorced."

"He's still an asshole, I see," he said gruffly. "He has a wife and child, yet he thinks it's okay to come to you with this confession? It's bad enough that he left you when you were struggling, but to come back now? It's cruel. He's manipulating you all over again! I knew I shouldn't have gone into work that day!"

"Relax please, Jules. I told him we shouldn't even be having that conversation and I asked him to leave. There's no need to get mad."

"No? Whatever he said has you upset a week later, so I think my anger is justified!"

Taryn took a second so that she'd stay calm. "You aren't helping me by reacting this way. I wanted to tell you since it's been on my mind, but there's no reason for it to cause tension between us."

"I'm not upset with you, love. It's him! But if I'm being honest, it does bother me that you let him have this hold on you. Did he make you regret not trying to save your marriage?"

There was no answer to this question that wasn't problematic. She could lie and say she had no regrets, or she could be truthful and tell him that her regrets hung over her like a storm cloud. Either option was bad. "I do have regrets. I made mistakes, and I was stubborn about things I could have compromised on. He's not solely to blame for our relationship ending."

Jules climbed out of bed and pulled on his underwear, which had been discarded on the floor earlier. Instead of getting back under the covers, he started pacing. "Do you wish you were still together?"

"That's not something I can answer."

"Because it will hurt me? I asked, so I'm prepared for the worst!"

"That's not what I mean. I can't answer it because it's not that simple. Yes, I sometimes miss the happy marriage I once had with Shawn and I'm sorry if that's painful for you. I can't help it. That doesn't mean I'd let him back into my life now after everything that's happened. He's always going to be important to me, but I'm with you now."

He sat down on the bed and took both of her hands in his. "Then marry me. Prove to me once and for all that I'm who you want to be with."

"Julian," she squeezed his hands, "I'm here with you. Doesn't that prove it?"

"I wish it did, but I can't help but wonder if you won't set a date because of him," his voice cracked on the last words.

"When I marry you, I want to be the best partner I possibly can, because that's what you deserve. When we started dating, you went into it knowing that I was still reeling from my divorce and that I still hadn't let go of Shawn. Give me time and I'll get to where I need to be."

"I want to be the greatest love of your life. Is that so much to ask?"

"Do you doubt my love?" she whispered.

"I know you love me," he murmured out loud, but he finished the sentence in his head, "but I think you love him more."

A scratch at the door interrupted them. Whenever they had sex, Hendrix was led out into the hall because having him watch was unsettling.

"Hen wants back in. I'm going to take him out to pee and then I'll be back," Taryn said as she got up and put a t-shirt and panties on. "Are we okay?"

He nodded and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

When she got to the kitchen, she opened the back door and let the dog out. He sniffed around the yard for a few minutes and then did a long pee and a poop.

"Good boy!" she told him as he trotted back in. "You get a treat!"

She opened the canister that held his small dog bones and took one out, tossing it up so he could catch it. Then she went back upstairs and crawled into bed next to her fiancé who already had his eyes closed. She knew he wasn't asleep, but he wasn't giving off a vibe that he wanted to continue their conversation.

As far as regrets went, she could add tonight to her growing list. She never should have brought Shawn up, especially not right after they'd made love. Sometimes the endorphins that flooded her body after a good orgasm acted almost like a truth serum and she'd say things she shouldn't. She'd wanted to have a talk about Shawn's confession for days, but she could have waited for a better time. It probably looked bad to Jules that she was even thinking of her ex after sex.

She turned her back to him and closed her eyes, hoping that a dreamless night of sleep would come soon.