Torn [SHAWN MENDES]

~12~

Yasmin caught an early flight to Paris the day before, but when Shawn woke up with the sun, he instinctively reached for her in bed, only to be met with cold sheets.

He was a man who loved cuddling in the morning. Actually, he loved physical affection of all kinds at any time of day. When he met his wife and they started spending night after night together, it was like the void in his soul formed by losing Taryn had been filled, though maybe not to the brim. The fact that she provided the basic human need of touch was probably why things moved so quickly with them and he knew that. Sometimes he wondered if he would have married the first woman who brought him back to life emotionally no matter who she was.

When he called to share that he'd proposed after their whirlwind courtship, his mom and dad had pleaded with him to hold off on the wedding. It was pretty obvious that they'd been hoping he'd "come to his senses," as his dad put it, and reconcile with Taryn. They didn't seem to understand the finality of divorce. It wasn't a break. It wasn't giving each other space. It was the end of the most remarkable love he'd ever experienced.

He sat up in bed, reached for his phone, which had been charging on the white nightstand, and went to his photos. Then he scrolled down to the hidden folder and opened it. The contents were not password protected, and anyone with an iPhone knew the folder was there, but it's not like he could keep what was here in his favorites folder, where they'd once been.

"You've got to delete these," he muttered to himself before he began looking at the collection of pictures.

Most of the images were ones he and Taryn took of themselves during their six year relationship. In the earliest pics, his shaved head had just started growing out and he still had a haunted look in his eyes from the burden of guilt he carried after the incident with Winter. As he swiped through them, he could see himself transform back into a healthy happy person, thanks to her. But when he got to the later photos, taken when their marriage was crumbling, the sadness had returned to his visage, and the grief in his wife's blue eyes was heartbreaking.

He set the phone down and swiped several tears off his cheek. Why had he put her through that pain so many times? He'd been so selfish about wanting to have a baby that he pushed her to keep trying. Paul, his former therapist, called it a fixation and warned him that it was dangerous. It carried over into his relationship with Yaz, but once they had their baby, it disappeared and he could clearly see how he was to blame for his first marriage ending. He had many regrets, but even if he could, he wouldn't change anything since the end result was Piper.

"Da!" he heard over the monitor, as if on cue.

He closed up his phone and pulled on a pair of Nike shorts before trotting down the hall to the nursery. There he found his little girl sitting up in her crib with a big smile on her round face.

"Good morning, princess! Are you ready for our big outing?"

She giggled in response. He lifted her up, peppered her cheeks with kisses, and brought her to the changing table. Once she was fresh and clean, he dressed her in a yellow and pink striped romper.

While Piper munched on her Cheerios and banana pieces in her high chair, Shawn drank a couple mugs of coffee and ate some grocery store doughnuts that he picked up the day before. He'd gone on a junk food run since this was his only opportunity to keep that stuff in the house. For dinner the previous night he'd eaten nachos and chicken wings. Without Yaz knowing, he'd told their chef that she had the week off, with full pay, of course.

After breakfast, he changed Piper's poopy diaper and packed her bag with everything they'd need for the day. Then he put her in the car seat and the stroller in the trunk.

The drive to the Santa Barbara Zoo only took fifteen minutes. It was small, as far as zoos went, and was tucked between the ocean and the Pacific Coast Highway. There were some apartments adjacent to it, and Shawn wondered if they could hear the animals at night.

He reserved parking online when he purchased their tickets, so all he had to do was flash his phone at the gate attendant. When he was parked, he grabbed a baseball cap and sunglasses, hoping it would be enough of a disguise. Outings were always a little problematic, but a weekday morning at the zoo had less potential for the paparazzi following him than other excursions.

Piper's favorite board book was about animals, so he was really looking forward to her seeing them up close. He had some qualms about wild creatures being kept in captivity, but he'd researched this zoo and learned it was better than most. When Yasmin could join them, he wanted to take Piper to the San Diego Zoo since it was the best on the west coast. He also wanted to take her to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, which was famous for their sharks. One of the awesome things about parenthood was experiencing things through the eyes of his child.

They started their adventure by taking the train that circled the park. He knew that it would be good to get this out of the way early while she was still cheerful and energetic, plus it would give him a sense of where everything was. After debarking the red locomotive, they strolled through the park, stopping at each exhibit.

Shawn noticed that some people recognized him, but no one was being intrusive, which he was grateful for. He always loathed when people asked if they could take photos with Piper, as if she was a celebrity, too. He wanted to protect her from all that bullshit for as long as possible.

Piper's favorite animals seemed to be the giraffes and the elephants, based on her excitement level. He liked the primates because there was something about them that was very human, and he was moved by one of the chimps cradling its tiny offspring.

"Look Piper! There's a baby and mama! Do you see the little chimpanzee?"

She laughed and pointed at it, so he knew she understood him on some level.

They stopped and had snacks at a small table in the shade. Piper had a bottle, and when he put her back in the stroller, he knew a nap was coming since she was rubbing her eyes. He decided to circle through the park again as she slept since it was a beautiful day and he was enjoying being out. He took some pics along the way, which he planned to post after he was safely home since it was foolish to share his current location.

Piper woke up as he put her in her car seat and fussed a bit. He'd probably kept her out longer than was prudent, but some food and snuggles at home would make her content again.

While the baby took a late afternoon nap in her crib, he messaged his wife and sent her some more photos. She called him instead of replying. It was the middle of the night in Paris, but her internal clock was completely out of whack, so she was awake.

"Piper looked so happy at the zoo! I wish I'd been there to see her smiles," she said.

"We can go again soon. I was thinking that her first birthday party should be zoo-themed. What do you think?"

"Oh my gosh! Do you think we could rent the zoo for an afternoon and host her party there?"

"I was thinking cups and plates with animals on them and maybe a some cool decorations, but that's an idea we could consider, too," he replied with a chuckle.

"I think we should go big. Turning one is a milestone! As soon as I get back, I'll start making arrangements. Maybe your family could come! I bet Aaliyah's children would love it!"

He couldn't help but adore his wife's enthusiasm. "I'll call them and suggest it. It's been ages since we've seen our nephew and nieces."

They got off the phone after he wished her luck with the events she had scheduled the next day. Fashion Week wouldn't officially begin until the following Monday, but she had fittings and parties to attend. Shawn went out to the patio to enjoy the cool breeze from the ocean, taking the monitor with him in case Piper woke up. He browsed every social media platform and saw that he and the baby had been photographed by some other zoo-goers. He didn't even mind since it hadn't disrupted his wonderful day out with his daughter.