Torn [SHAWN MENDES]

~47~

Shawn woke up feeling very hungover. He drank a lot of beer the night before, and these days the morning after was much tougher than it had been in his twenties. Brian had picked him up and they'd gone to the West Shore Bar in Pickering. When he was dropped off at two in the morning, he'd stumbled into his parents' house and passed out on the couch in the living room. He moved to his bed before his mum and dad got up, so thankfully they had no idea he'd been wasted.

It was pretty obvious why he'd consumed so much alcohol. The last few days were crazy, upsetting, exciting, and confusing. He wanted to forget all that for a few hours and reconnect with his buddies. When they asked about Yaz and Piper, he lied and gave them the story about Bill having a medical issue, because he wasn't ready to admit that they were divorcing. He'd barely admitted it to himself, but at the same time, he was behaving like the divorce was final by getting involved with Taryn.

He rubbed his temples and wished he'd thought to put some Advil and a glass of water next to his bed. After getting up to pee and pop some pain relievers, he climbed back in bed and looked at his phone. Neither Yaz now Taryn had messaged him back.

Yesterday, before going out, he'd texted his wife to make sure they'd made it home safely. Maybe she was entitled to giving him the silent treatment, but they shared a daughter, and he deserved to know how she was doing. He sent another message.

I know you're mad

Can you just send me a pic of Piper?

He missed his baby like crazy.

A few seconds later, a photo of Piper popped up on his screen. She was in a wooden high chair and appeared to be in a restaurant. Her smile was bright and happy, which was a relief, but it also made him sad because he wasn't going to see it in person for over a week

He sighed and switched to the string of texts he'd sent to Taryn the night before, cringing at how embarrassing they were.

Hi ❤️

I hope work is god

Oops

Good

I love u

You mst be busy

Im a little drunk

He sounded like a lovesick middle schooler, and the fact that she hadn't replied had him worried. Maybe she was starting to regret what they'd done.

He closed his eyes. Was he regretting it? It was complicated. Shawn cherished every second he was with Taryn and making love to her again was on a whole other level. At the same time, he knew she was right that it was adultery. The familiar feelings of self-loathing were resurfacing, and he felt like the monster he'd believed he was after he'd destroyed Winter's house.

"Fuck," he muttered to himself as he tried to sleep.

A couple hours later, he made his way downstairs for some coffee and found his mom on her computer at the kitchen table.

"You feeling okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"You made a lot of noise when you got home last night. I take it you were pissed?"

He smiled at her use of the British term for drunk. "A little."

"Have you heard from Yasmin?"

"She sent me a picture of Piper but that's it. I guess I should give her some space until I go home."

Karen nodded. "That's smart. Maybe she'll have cooled off and you two can work things out...if that's what you want."

"I don't see that happening."

"Hm. Time will tell. I'm making beef stew for dinner tonight. I was just looking at recipes online, though I'll probably just resort to the one I always use."

He was glad his back was to her as he poured his coffee so that she couldn't see his face. "I won't be home tonight. I'm hanging with the guys again." His parents would probably toss him out on his ass if he told them what he'd done with Taryn and that he was seeing her later, so this was a necessary lie.

"Really? Two nights in a row? Your poor liver is going to hate you."

He forced a laugh. "I'll go easier tonight." Sitting down at the table across from his mum, he said, "I'm sorry I blamed you for Taryn being here Christmas Eve."

"You're forgiven. I don't know what's ahead of you with this possible divorce, but your dad and I support you emotionally even if we disagree with your choices. We'll always love you."

"Thanks, Mum."

His phone vibrated in the pocket of his flannel pants. Pulling it out, he saw that Taryn had finally responded.

See you at 7.

******

Taryn set her phone down after sending the text and got back to work paying bills online.

"Knock knock," Mina said from the open door.

"Come on in. I could use a distraction, but you're not supposed to be here until five."

Her favorite manager sat down across from her. "I'm only here for a minute to pick up my holiday bonus. I keep forgetting to grab it."

Taryn went to the safe and unlocked it so she could retrieve the check. "A couple other people need to get theirs. I guess I should send out an email to remind everyone."

Mina took the envelope. "Thanks. I've been debating whether to tell you something, but my gut says I should."

"What's up?"

"Jules stopped by on Christmas Eve, about an hour before you got here."

Taryn's heart stopped for a second. "Really?"

"He said he wanted to wish you Merry Christmas, only he said it in French. He stayed and had a drink at the bar and we chatted a bit. When you got here, you were in such a tizzy over seeing Shawn that I didn't want to upset you further. Maybe that was wrong."

She'd told Mina all about Shawn's surprise trip home but was not going to share what transpired the day before since it was staying a secret.

"I appreciate you not telling me that night," Taryn said. "I was definitely not in the mindset for it. How's he doing?"

"He seemed fine. He has an actual beard and not just stubble. Said work was good and that he was back to doing night shifts occasionally."

"I'm glad he's well."

Mina got up to go but then sat back down. "Do you want to reconcile with him?"

If she'd asked this a few days ago, Taryn's answer might have been different. "No, I think it's best for both of us that we move on. I miss him, but he deserves someone who can give him what I couldn't."

"You've really been through the wringer, boss. You deserve happiness, too."

Mina left and Taryn continued doing her accounting work. Just before happy hour, she moved up to the bar to check on how everything was going and to get an inventory of the booze. Sometimes it was fun to be a bartender again, so she put on an apron and helped out with drinks. Before she knew it, it was almost time to leave. She went down to the kitchen and placed a food order, chatting with the chef as he prepared it. Then she got her purse and coat, locked up the office, and headed home.

She parked her driveway and as she got out of her car, Shawn pulled in behind her. When he got out of the SUV and smiled at her, her heart did a somersault in her chest. She wasn't sure how she got caught up in this emotional avalanche with him or if it was ultimately going to destroy her, but it felt really good to be loved by him again.