Torn [SHAWN MENDES]

~73~

The smell of something delicious hit Taryn as soon as she walked through the door of her house. "What's for dinner?" she called out as she hung her coat in the hall closet.

"Sausage and bean soup," Patricia answered from the kitchen where she was chopping some fresh parsley to stir in at the end.

After sitting down at the counter, Taryn let out a long sigh. "I can't believe it's already chilly outside and the leaves are changing colors. Time is flying."

"It always flies when you're having fun. I guess having me live here is better than a barrel of monkeys."

"A barrel of monkeys sounds like a nightmare! Where did that saying even come from and why are you keeping it going?"

Tricia laughed heartily. "I have no idea. But in all seriousness, I do appreciate you letting me stay here. Earl's house sold so fast after we fixed it up, but I don't plan on imposing on you too much longer. I keep looking for condo listings that meet my needs and nothing's been right."

"Good thing I love living with you! It doesn't hurt that I come home after work to delicious food every night. I'm very thankful to Earl for signing the two of you up for couple's cooking classes after you first got married."

The older woman looked down at her hands. "I can't believe he's been gone a whole year."

That sad anniversary occurred the week before. Taryn took the day off to comfort her mom, and they'd eaten Earl's favorite foods, watched his favorite movies, and drank his favorite beer. The day was spent laughing and crying while remembering and honoring the wonderful man.

"I'm sorry, Mama."

"They say the first year is the hardest for grief, but I've turned that corner and I miss him just as much as I did in the beginning. The pain isn't as raw and I'm not crying myself to sleep every night, but it's always there, just below the surface," Tricia said quietly.

Taryn got up and wrapped her arms around her mother. Patricia was usually so strong, but the year milestone had hit her hard. "It's going to be good to see his family in December; I know you've missed the grandkids."

Earl's three children and their families were all gathering in Seattle at Mariah's after celebrating Christmas in their own homes. They'd invited Patricia and Taryn to join them, and the two women had accepted. Their flights and hotels were already booked, and they were both looking forward to the trip. Taryn was especially eager to go away since that week would mark a year since she'd had her short affair with Shawn.

"Can you believe Gregor is already two? When I FaceTime them, he speaks in actual sentences!" Tricia's mood lightened as she talked about her grandson.

It dawned on Taryn that Piper would be turning two soon. She wondered if she'd have another big birthday party or if they'd keep things low key because of the divorce. An uncomfortable pit formed in her stomach as she thought about Shawn. She'd never called or texted him after getting his long letter. It wasn't that she didn't want to resume contact; the opposite was true. She dreamed of sitting in the same room and talking to him again, though things normally moved in a very sexy direction in her fantasies. Taryn knew that would be the inevitable result of seeing him, which was why she'd ghosted him. Her heart couldn't take it if things didn't work out a third time, and given their circumstances, it was almost guaranteed that they'd fall apart again.

"I can't wait to see Gregor and the other kiddos. I'm going to buy them so many Christmas prezzies! I figure it's an aunt's prerogative to spoil!"

Patricia smiled. "We should probably ship everything there ahead of time instead of trying to pack it. I'll be spoiling them, too!"

Over dinner they talked more about the trip even though it was still a few months away. It was nice to have something to happily anticipate. Once they'd done the dishes, Taryn poured two glasses of wine which they took in the family room. They sat on the couch with Hendrix sprawled out between them so that he was snuggling both women.

"I talked to Karen today," Tricia said casually.

"About finding a condo?"

"No, she called to see what our plans for Thanksgiving are. She said that if we aren't doing anything, they'd love to have us join them."

Taryn was surprised by this news considering she hadn't seen Karen or Manny in ten months. "I think it would be weird," she said honestly.

"Aaliyah and her family will be there. The kids miss you."

"I'll try to find a time to visit them, but I don't know that I'm ever going to feel okay at a big Mendes family holiday again."

Patricia let out a dramatic sigh. "I know it hurt to be shut out by them after what happened, but they needed to support Shawn and his marriage to Yasmin. Now that it's over, they obviously want to reconnect with you. It's not like their feelings ever changed! It was just a really tough situation for all parties involved."

"I know, but I think there were hard feelings even if no one will admit it. Shawn and I engaged in full blown cheating while he was married! How can they not judge me for that?"

"You thought things were over between Shawn and Yasmin. It was too soon, but you didn't go into it with the intention to hurt his wife. I think enough time has passed that even if they did have negative thoughts, they've moved on."

"The last time we accepted an invitation to a holiday, Shawn showed up and all hell broke loose. I'm not risking another surprise reunion," Taryn said firmly.

"Shawn will be in Brazil for a festival so there's no chance of him unexpectedly turning up. I made a point to ask, because I knew you'd be antsy about it."

Standing up to get more wine, Taryn put a hand on her hip. "I'll consider it, but if I'm not comfortable, I need to you respect that."

"Deal." When her daughter returned, Tricia changed the topic. "What's new at Ford's? Have you seen Jules lately?"

"He comes by every once in awhile and is always very cordial. We are now able to chat like old friends. I keep expecting to see a ring on Mina's finger."

"After what happened with you, he might be reluctant to move too fast."

"Great! Another thing for me to feel guilty about."

Patting her daughter's arm, Patricia said, "That's not what I meant."

"I know. And I actually feel less bad about what happened with him now that he's so happy. I told you they agreed to watch Hendrix while we're in Seattle, right?"

"You didn't! He's the natural choice since he's one of Hen's daddies!"

It took some guts for Taryn to broach the subject, but Julian had practically fallen all over himself with excitement at the chance to have time with the dog.

Later that night, Taryn crawled into bed and set her phone on the nightstand to charge. A few minutes later she picked it back up. Shawn had been on her mind more than usual and she couldn't resist the temptation to peruse his social media pages. She'd been so good about avoiding this habit, but ever since she'd received his letter, she was snooping every so often.

He hadn't tweeted much, mostly just hearts or short responses to things people had said about his recent performances. His Instagram was another story. There were tons of pics from the places he'd visited on the festival tour interspersed with photos of Piper. Her curls were getting longer, and she was looking less like a baby and more like a little girl. One post was nothing but the father and daughter duo making silly faces.

Taryn smiled at her phone. "You're such a good daddy." Then she set it aside and tried to fall asleep.