Torn [SHAWN MENDES]

~59~

Describe yourself in 150 words or less, making sure to share your interests and hobbies.

Taryn stared at the instructions on the dating app she was in the process of joining, which was specifically for people over thirty who'd been in serious relationships before.

She worked at her brewpub, took care of her dog, and hung out with her mom. That didn't exactly paint a captivating portrait. Lying would be very wrong, and god knows she was trying to be a better person in the wake of briefly being the other woman.

My name is Taryn, and I had a pretty rough childhood which including sexual abuse and running away to another country. I was once happily married to pop music sensation Shawn Mendes, but some health issues prevented me from carrying a baby to term. He left after I pushed him away emotionally, which caused me to spiral down into a pretty deep pit of despair. Eventually I met another man whose feelings I toyed with since I knew I'd never love him like I should. After cheating on him, that relationship ended, and I ended up having a full-blown affair with my married ex-husband, hurting several people in the process. I enjoy working long unpredictable hours at the bar I own, and my widowed mom is my best friend. Let me know if you'd like to meet up!

She cackled to herself as she read over the brutally honest description. The sad thing was, there was probably some weirdo out there who would find this fascinating. Deleting it, she got to work on something a little less dark.

My name is Taryn, and I'm a long-time Torontonian. I own a chain of local businesses that keep me busy and provide me with a lot of satisfaction. My hours change daily, but I can set my own schedule when needed. I've been divorced for several years and have recently come out of a long-term relationship, so I'd like to ease back into the dating scene with someone who respects my need to move slowly. I enjoy outdoor activities, especially ones that my sweet dog can join in on. My other interests include movies, taking short trips to new locations, and trying unique foods and drinks. Let me know if you'd like to meet up for coffee.

Sighing, she submitted the bio. The next step was choosing a photo. The app recommended using a recent unfiltered photograph. She went to her photos and started scrolling. Every single good pic taken in the last year had Jules in it, which definitely wasn't going to work. She tried cropping him out of a few, but there was no way to do that without it being obvious.

"Well, Hen...I guess I need to take a couple photos of myself," she said as she got up off the couch. The dog cocked his head at her in response.

She went to the hall bath and checked herself out in the mirror. It was early on a Sunday morning, so she was wearing her bathrobe without any make-up, and her hair was in a messy ponytail.

"Anyone who is attracted to me like this would be proving they aren't superficial," she said to herself, "but maybe I should put a little effort in."

Trudging up the stairs, she changed into a blue sweater that accentuated her eyes, put on a little eye shadow, liner, and mascara, and took down her long red hair, which she tousled with her fingers. After closer inspection, she added a little under-eye concealer to hide the dark circles that always showed up when she wasn't sleeping well.

She took a couple selfies in the bathroom, but the harsh vanity lights weren't kind to her wrinkles. The bedroom was darker, but that created shadows on her face. It was a nice spring day, so she went downstairs and out the back door with Hendrix following close behind.

Taking a seat on one of the comfy patio chairs, she took a whole bunch of pics ranging from smiling to looking serious. Once she'd covered the gamut of expressions, she went through all of them, narrowing it down to three which she sent to her mom.

Which photo of me is the best?

Be HONEST

Tricia replied a minute later.

I like the one where you're barely smiling.

You look serene.

Taryn looked at that one again, zooming in to make sure there wasn't something in her nose or some other weird flaw. It was a pretty good selfie. Did she look like she was in her twenties? Nope. But why lure men in under false pretenses? They'd definitely see what they were getting with this pic.

Thanks mom!

Tricia called instead of replying. "So you're doing one of those apps, eh?"

"Yep. I decided it's time. It's not like it'll kill me to meet some guy at a local coffee shop."

"You don't think you should wait until you're-"

"Over Shawn? No. That's not happening anytime soon. I'm not looking for a serious relationship; I just want to meet someone I can do things with, like go on a picnic or to a concert."

"Hm."

Taryn groaned. "What's that for?"

"It seems to me that you're setting yourself up for another Jules situation."

She put her feet up on the coffee table and leaned back in the chair. "That's what I'm trying to avoid. If we go on more than two dates, I'll be upfront about how damaged I am, and I'll say that I'm not looking for a commitment."

"Well shoot, honey...you're every player's dream girl. You'll go out and presumably fool around with him, but he won't have to be tied down."

"Mother! I'm not in this for casual sex!"

Patricia chuckled. "If you were, I wouldn't judge you. I don't know much about these dating sites, but I think most people are on them looking for either a hook-up or real companionship. Your description falls in between those two categories."

"I'm lonely, okay? Maybe I'll get lucky and meet the perfect guy and I'll forget all about Shawn, but I'm not holding my breath. Is it wrong to want to go on dates and flirt a little?"

She'd already had the perfect man, and even he couldn't pull her heart away from her ex-husband. Now he was happily involved with Mina, which was wonderful for both of them, even if it hurt her a little.

"Dating sounds like a good idea if you think you're ready," her mom said. "I just don't want you to get hurt again."

Taryn scoffed. "I'm in a perpetual state of being hurt so it won't change that."

"Are we on for dinner tonight? I cleaned up Earl's smoker yesterday, and I'm going to stick some ribs in it around noon," Tricia queried, changing the subject. They could continue it later in person.

"Hen and I will be there after work."

"I thought this was your day off!"

"It is," Taryn explained, "but I got three schedule changes requests that I've got to handle. I'm popping in for a few hours. What can I bring to dinner?"

"If you're going to be at Ford's, maybe you could bring some of that amazing potato salad. I don't know what's in it, but it's the best I've ever had."

"I can do that. Want me to bring dessert, too?"

"Nope. I'm making a pineapple upside down cake."

Taryn's felt a lump form in her throat. That had been one of Shawn's favorites and her mom used to make it for every family gathering. "Yum!" she said with forced enthusiasm.

They chatted a few more minutes before hanging up. Then Taryn uploaded the photo to the app and agreed to all the terms and conditions before making her account active.