Torn [SHAWN MENDES]

~87~

"I'm hearing lots of excuses for not moving to California, but I sense that you're leaving something out," Amber said to Taryn.

"What do you mean?"

"You seem focused on the obvious complications like your job, your house, and the logistics of moving, yet you haven't mentioned your feelings."

Taryn sighed. "I'm sure that after years of being my therapist, you can guess how I feel about the idea."

"I have some suspicions, but you need to be the one who acknowledges them, not me."

This was such a big part of therapy. It did no good for Amber to direct Taryn towards healthier feelings or choices; she needed to come to those things on her own through productive soul-searching discussions.

"The main thing I feel is scared. The idea of going all-in with Shawn is absolutely terrifying. Losing him the first time was so horrible, and I'm resistant to put myself at risk again," Taryn admitted. "Moving there makes me particularly vulnerable because if things don't work out, I'm stuck in California after giving up everything here."

"We've talked about your fear of getting hurt many times. It's definitely not irrational given your history, but you are hurting constantly now because of the separation. Only you can decide if living with missing him is better or worse for you than the risk of committing fully."

Taryn got up to pour herself some more tea. "It's all happened really fast, so I just need more time to think about it."

"Understandable, but the love between you and Shawn has been a constant for a long time. It's not as if you met him in December."

"You sound a lot like my mom sometimes."

Amber laughed. "I take that as a compliment, because everything you've ever said about Patricia makes her sound like an amazing woman."

"She's the best."

After therapy, Taryn went to work. Her brewmaster asked her to sample a new variety of beer he'd created, and she urged him to move forward with producing it. The lager had a hint of citrus which would be great for the summer months. Her next meeting was with the head chef who made a plea for some upgrades in the kitchen. She said she'd call in a contractor to get a quote but requested a list of what was a want and what was a need, since obviously the items that needed replacing would be the priority.

Most of her afternoon was spent in the office paying bills, doing ordering, and talking to the managers of her other locations. She thought about calling Shawn a few times for another round of phone sex, but he texted late in the afternoon to let her know he was meeting someone in Los Angeles who he wanted to sign to his record label.

Around five she got hungry, which was unsurprising since she'd skipped lunch that day. Tricia was going out with Karen, so there'd be no delicious dinner waiting for her when she got home. One option was to go into the kitchen and have one of her staff make something, but eating in the bar was a good opportunity to get a feel for how things were operating. She walked upstairs and took a seat at the back.

"What can I get you, boss?" her server asked with a smile.

She decided to test her employee's knowledge of the menu since he was a fairly new hire. "What do you recommend?"

"My personal favorite thing to eat here is the spicy chicken sandwich, but I always add on some melted Gouda. The wings are always great, and the soup of the day, which is clam chowder, is excellent."

"Is the chowder cream or tomato based?"

"Cream, and it comes with house made oyster crackers."

This was actually news to Taryn. "I'll have the chowder, a side Caesar salad, and a cup of hot tea, thanks."