Duplicity

Chapter 11

            Fitz barely slept, how could he when he would have to leave this gorgeous creature that lay draped over him sleeping peacefully. In sleep she looked so vulnerable, a far cry from the Olivia Pope who had been known to strike fear into the hearts of those who opposed her. He watched her slow, even breathing, considering what she was dreaming about, wondering what she wanted.  He imagined the next two weeks, waking up next to Mellie. It was the antithesis of this moment with Olivia, cold and distant compared to deep and intimate. Olivia had learned things about him in weeks that Mellie still did not see after ten years of marriage. Mellie would never lay naked with him for hours, even when they had first been married, she hated holding hands, and she never let him shower with her. Fitz felt a twinge of anger grow inside him reflecting on the iniquitousness of this situation. The woman who he wanted to lay naked next to, the woman whose hand he craved to hold, the woman he just wanted to be near was off limits. He reached for his cell phone, quickly snapping a picture of her with her mass of curls swathed across his chest.

            Olivia began to stir as Fitz touched his fingers to her curls. “Good morning” she whispered, “When did you wake up?”

“I’ve been up most of the night,” he responded, “A lot on my mind, I guess.”

            Olivia sat up, wrapping the sheet around her and turning to face Fitz, “What’s the matter?” she asked, letting her fingers trace his collarbone, making lazy circles down to his firm chest muscles, “Anything I can help you with?”

“I’ve been thinking about what you said to me a few days ago…” he placed his hand over hers, “about always wanting more time.”

“Fitz….” She felt tears sting her eyes, “It won’t always be like this….we have to believe that.” She bent down to kiss him hoping to ease some of the pain they were both feeling. When their lips met he grabbed her, quickly rolling her underneath of him. The feeling of her beneath him brought a sense of peace. She was his mooring in the storm of reality, the touch of her hand made him feel safe and steady; her lips gave him the strength to face his life. He needed her and that need translated into a deep, penetrating, desperate kiss. Their tongues explored one another, urgently searching for solutions and comfort and tranquility. He pushed up onto his forearms so he could look at her, “Livie, tell me it’s all going to be okay.” She smiled up at him, hoping that was reassurance enough, Olivia couldn’t say it would all be alright, she wasn’t sure herself.

            Olivia slowly got dressed, fixed her hair, and applied her makeup as Fitz sat perched upon her bed watching in silence. Since getting out of bed they hadn’t spoken much, the reality of their limited time together weighing heavily upon them both.  They had shared breakfast, sitting mostly in silence as they ate. Olivia found herself starting to speak on several occasions then being unable to force the words from her lips. Fitz had tried to think of what he could say that would make Olivia feel better, but there was nothing. Nothing he could say that wouldn’t sound patronizing or clichéd. He owed her more than that, he needed her to be okay, he needed her to believe that they would be okay; he needed them to be okay.

            Watching Olivia finish her makeup Fitz smiled at her, giving her a wink. “You are absolutely the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen.”  He moved in behind her, kissing just below her ear and wrapping his arms around her slender waist, “Do you know how much I’m going to miss you?”