Duplicity

Chapter 18

            Olivia froze when she heard Fitz’s words. Time slowed and she concentrated on just breathing in and breathing out. Tears slipped silently down her cheeks as she released the door handle and allowed the door to close. She turned to look at Fitz. He was standing five feet from her but it felt like a million miles. She searched his face for any clue as to why he had said it.  He hesitantly took a step towards her, standing just in front of her.

“Did you hear me, Livie?” he asked gently. His brow was furrowed with a trace of pain mixed with longing.

“Why?” Olivia barely managed to return.

“Why? Why do I love you?” asked Fitz now looking puzzled.

“Why now?” she wanted to give him a chance to explain himself but she wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer.

“Because it’s how I feel Livie” Fitz wanted her to stay, he was worried she would run. He needed her to move away from the door. “Can we sit down?”

            Olivia didn’t speak as she followed him further into the room. He sat in the armchair that was in the corner watching as she walked to the window and looked out into the darkness.

“Livie….” He wanted to hold her and kiss her but he knew she needed to hear what he had to say. “Why now? Because I don’t want you to walk out of this room and not know how I feel about you. Because you are not my mistress. You are not my whore. You are the love I’ve been searching for. Because not telling you means that I will have to live the rest of my life with regret.”

            She could hear the pain in his voice but couldn’t bear to look at him. She was waiting for him to say something; she wasn’t sure what exactly, but something that would make his declaration real.

“I want to be mad at our circumstances. I want to hate the campaign and Cyrus and Mellie. I want to be angry but I can’t.” He rose from his seat and walked up behind her, his chest just barely touching her back, “I can’t be angry because all of those things are what brought you to me. If there was no campaign Cyrus wouldn’t have called you and if he hadn’t called you I would never have met you. If I had never met you I would still be floating through my life woeful and searching for meaning. I know what my life means now; I know why I’m here in this life. I’m here to love you, Olivia Caroline Pope. I was put on this planet to be in this room, in this life with you.”

            She didn’t turn to look at him but the feeling of him so close to her melted her defenses just slightly.

“Fitz….” It was a mere whisper but it was music to his ears.

“My Sweet Livie…I realized something while I was away from you these past few weeks. I realized that our lives don’t matter without a witness. There are a billion people on this planet. What does one life really matter, right? I realized that my life matters and your life matters because we care about each other. I want it all, not just the great times, I want these times, the hard times, the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the amazing, miraculous things, and the mundane things…all of it. I want all of it, all of the time, every day.  Olivia Pope, your life will not go unnoticed because I am here to notice. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I promise to be your witness. I love you. It sounds so simple, painfully simple, but those three words stand for all of the things I feel.”