I'm my own alpha

Chapter 60

The door shuts behind me as I sit and watch him go around to get in himself. I swallow hard before looking over at him, dawn is starting to rise and it highlights his features.

"I don't know how many more times I have to apologize but I'm sorry, you were right, I jeopardize us, I let her get between us-"

"I don't think I want to-"

"Please just listen!" He cuts me off leaning in. "The worst feeling ever is not being able to talk to you, I can't run to you like is used to-remember the time you couldn't sleep so I took you dancing, I told you it was a surprise but I all I did was take you to an empty street where we could have a dance off-"

"I don't think this is helping," I drop my head feeling my eyes sting.

"Truth is: I still love you and I'm not quite sure what to do with it. I just want to hold you and talk all night like we used too, I just simply miss you, I miss us Nadia." I feel the heat of his hand on my cheek then my head is lifted and I meet his eyes with my own.

"Doesn't it mean anything to you? That fact that I love you?" I shake my head.

"It's too late for that," the whisper of words barley make it off my lips.

"I can't be," he takes my face with both his hands. "If it were, you wouldn't be in my car- I can see you still care!"

"You're still breaking my heart and you don't even know it."

"It's the bond, I wouldn't put you through this much pain."

"You're the reason I'm in this mess," why am I not shouting?! Instead when I blink, trials run down my cheeks and he wipes my tears. "You did this to me."

"Don't talk like that,"

"We're going in circles-" the force of his lips on mine take me back, our lips stick before he pulls away.

"I need you Nadia," he puts our foreheads together. "and you need me." I shut my eyes feeling the softness of his lips once more, more tears spill out. I kiss him back letting his body lean into mine letting our lips clash onto each other.

He lets go of face one hand disappears into my hair and the other tugs on my waist, I hold onto him like he'll slip right through my fingers but forget to breath, my lunch scream for air as I break away. "Shit!" I huff and turn immediately getting out. "Fuck! What am I doing?!"

"Nadia!" I push myself to move faster. "Nadia wait!" Two doors close behind me before I hear Malic's footsteps growing closer.

"You knew I wouldn't pull away!" I move faster. "God I hate you!"

"Hey wait!" I'm tugged and I spin shoving him away.

"Come near me and I'll fucking deck you in the jaw Malic! I'm not playing!" He lets go of me. This is what I'm talking about! This is where I'll find myself if I don't cut our ties! "Fucking asshole." I walk away. "Shit! What is wrong with me!"

Aggressively wiping my face I call the elevator down. It comes and I step in. "Nadia! Hold the door!" Malic comes to view and I go to push the door closed.

"Take the fucking stairs." It shuts in him face, I just need to get away form him, as far as I can get, I'll take it. The doors open once more and I rush past guest into my room. I have school to get ready for anyways.

I let the shower run before stepping in. I just let him kiss me, I let the kiss consume me and I totally forgot all that I've been fighting for, I never once thought he would go as far as kissing me, I also never thought I'd give in so damn easily.

Yet, I still feel it. I know damn well if I didn't have any sense left in me I would have probably let him fuck me in his car, what I wrong with me! Am I that desperate?!

I don't even know what to feel anymore, at times I feel like punching him, other times I want nothing more but to have him close, sometimes I crave his touch, others I don't want him close. I'm so- I don't even know.

I can't fall apart now, I already have a rejection in mind, no more mind tricks, I'm getting rid of him, for good.

Going back to school I make it yet another mission to avoid Malic at all costs which comes easy enough, for last period I have gym and Tomas and I decide to set off playing a one on one basketball game. We're not even doing anything so.

"Five, two." I toss the ball back to him fanning myself out.

"Oh shut up," he sits using the ball as a cushion. "I don't know where you got this burst of energy form," the memory of Malic's lips on my cross my head and I find myself looking over at him. He has his back to me talking to one of his beta's.

"Let's go get water," I hold a hand out for him to take, he drags himself up almost tipping me on top of him. "Damn." We walked out and make our way to the water fountain and Tomas helps himself to a couple of sips before I do.

I bend pressing the button activating it and the ponytail of my hair falls in my way, Tomas take it upon himself to hold it up for me. "Thanks," I go back down and take a few gulps.

"I need to talk to you." My heart drops at his words as I meet his eyes. "Nothing bad," he beams, "no tea to spill."

"Then what?" I stand wiping the corner of my lips.

"It's about what you said yesterday," I try replay our conversation. "I wanted you to know that, I'm a willing candidate." I frown, willing candidate? For what? I watch the tiles for a moment letting his words sink in deeper.

Then it hits me, I lift my eyes meeting his, I can't help but smile.