Mcyt -autistic- oneshots

Late diagnosis (Phil and Kristen)

TW- vomiting (not graphic, just a mention)

Phil's POV:

Lots of people often ask me how I am able to stay so motivated with builds. To be honest, when I'm building it, I struggle to think about anything else. I just sit and think how cool it's going to be, or the story behind a specific thing, or how everyone online is going to react to the really cool thing I'm choosing to include. I don't write much down or anything, but Kristen often gets her ear talked off about each new project as they come and go. She's great about it all; I know she's not as interested as I am, but it means a lot that she takes interest in something so special to me.

It's funny, there are a lot of things about me which Kristen puts up with. She says that she loves me for me, and I know that's true. But I can list lots of things that I do which would definitely not be considered normal, not even under the whole 'well no one's normal' excuse. I don't mind not being normal. At school, I always kind of felt different. It's never really bothered me, well not until now. Now, there were lots of people watching me, live and 3 times a week, minimum. If I was different, and they found out, I worried that it would not end well. Even though, loads of the dream smp were neurodivergent, and the fans too, a part of me felt like, for me, it wouldn't go as well as it had for everyone else.

But maybe that's because of something that happened at secondary school. You see, being a teenager is all about finding yourself. And at the age of 16, whilst taking my GCSE's, I came to the realisation that my brain didn't work the same way as my friend's. When I revised, I just drew pictures in my text books and barely read the information anymore than twice, when they revised they had to make flashcards and pages of notes. Yet, in every test we took, I did better. Not amazingly, but better. They saw it as a good thing, I did too. I mean I didn't have to work that hard, and in my eyes that was an absolute plus.

Or maybe it's because of something that happened when I worked at Sainsbury's. You see I got headaches a lot when I worked there, but I always put it down to a lack of sleep. That was until one day when a hoard of screaming children came in and stormed their way to the sweet aisle, pathetic parents trailing behind, struggling to gain control. Their shrill screams and voices, made me feel dizzy and I couldn't look at the lights without feeling like I was going to pass out. And suddenly the uniform I had had no problems with wearing for years at the point, felt like a suit made a sandpaper. Luckily, a colleague that I had known for a while and trusted, took me to the back room, where staff took their breaks. After several glasses of water and a 20 minute nap, the feeling had started to subside, but management deemed me too sick to work and sent me home.

When I got home, I went to make myself beans on toast, but the thought of eating beans made me almost through up. Taking a drink of water, I then did throw up, in my kitchen sink. The doctor's told me I had just caught a sickness bug and I would be back up and running, in a matter of days. And they were right, so I just brushed the whole incident and every headache from what I now know was the bright lights, under the carpet.

Kristen used to work with autistic children as a behavioural therapist, and the more and the more I did my research, the more I felt like I could possibly be autistic. So I just decided to go ahead and tell her. We were in the new house and Kristen was back from the US. A movie was playing in the background as I mentioned the idea. "I was waiting for you to say something. You don't already have a diagnosis or anything, Phil?"

"No, should I? Is that bad?"

"First off Phil. Autism isn't a bad thing, it's just a different way of processing the world. And no, unless you have been for a diagnosis, you won't have been diagnosed yet. But if you like we can sort it out, so that you can go and see if you are autistic?"

"Yea. I think I'd like that Kris. But why didn't you say anything?"

"Phil, I'm your wife, not your behavioural therapist. Plus I didn't want to pressure you into anything, this all has to be your decision at the end of the day. And just because you have autistic traits doesn't mean you are autistic, everyone has autistic traits but not everyone is autistic. It's harder to diagnose for some people, especially if it doesn't negatively effect your life that much."

"Yea, I guess. I did research because so many members of the community are neurodivergent, and autism comes under that umbrella. I don't know, the things people called me eccentric for, my weird idiosyncrasies, they were similar to some examples of autistic traits. It just felt like it fit. I felt a little happier knowing that there was a reason I am the way I am, apart from me being wrong. I guess. I don't really know."

"It's fine not to know."

"Is it though?"

"How else are you supposed to learn?"

"Alright, alright don't go all smart of me, mate. Let's get back to this stupid movie."

"The movie's not nearly as stupid as you though."

"Hey what's all that for!"

"Joking, Phil. I love you. And I promise we'll get this all sorted out."

"Thank you, I love you too."

A/n Hey. I guess this is technically a ship, maybe, sort of. This is the one thing I will allow, because they are married in real life. Please do remember, that just because certain content creators have autistic traits or any traits of neurodivergence, it doesn't necessarily mean they are autistic or neurodivergent. Respect that. Anyway, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.

Thank you,

Tag