Mcyt -autistic- oneshots

Accepted by my family (Niki and Wilbur+James)

TW- swearing,  bullying, ableism

Niki's POV:

Today was the day I was going to tell them. I wanted them to know. I mean I wasn't diagnosed, because that was petrifying and I hadn't even told my parents about it yet. But I thought talking to my friends would help. My online family. That maybe I'd feel a little more confident about telling my parents, my siblings, my other family.

Luckily, things were easier now I lived in the UK. It meant less travelling, which helped. But I was me, and that meant I was nervous. These were my friends I was talking about, and I knew I could trust them, but my brain is just weird. I just had to hope I could trust them.

I mean the original plan was to meet up for a day to film a vlog for Tommy's channel and then all go again. We'd seen how good the first one had done and we all excited because they were a lot of fun. Then plans changed and we decided to find the biggest air bnb in the Brighton area and rent it out for a few days. I guess I should list the people going. So of course there was me, then Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, Jack, Fundy, Ranboo, Freddie, Bill, Aimsey and Serena. Oh and James had decided to come along last minute.

It was a different mix of people, and whilst that made me more nervous it also sort of helped. If I lost friendships through it, at least I wouldn't have known some of them as well as others. I had been travelling a lot recently and met a lot of new people, all of whom were lovely. In some ways, I don't understand why I wasn't as scared of meeting new people as I was telling the people I cared about, who I really was. Who I knew I was.

I made sure I had enough money to get an Uber home if I needed it. I made sure that my flat had loads of snacks in it so if I came back and it had gone wrong, I wouldn't have to go anywhere for a couple days. I could just stay inside and wish the world would go away. And I texted Gee. I didn't explain why exactly I might need to come and stay in London with her for a bit, but I just asked if she was free. I guess my hope was that even if my other friends reacted badly, that Gee wouldn't. Or that I wouldn't have to tell Gee, and I could have a last piece of normal life before it undoubtedly was spread everywhere.

My Uber dropped me off at Wilbur's place at 8. We were going to walk down to the train station at 8:30. We sat and talked as I sipped on a coffee I'd bought that morning and I was so close to just blurting it all out and seeing how he dealt with it, but I didn't want things to be messed up between us. He was like one of my best friends, they all were. James arrived with a prompt knock on the door and was super friendly. I liked James, he was funny more than anything but also super welcoming when you got past all that sarcasm. 

Most people are a bit unsure of what to do when the first meet me because I'm really shy. I basically go mute and wait for my brain to work out what I think of them. If my brain doesn't trust it, then I just stay away from them. If my brain trusts them, then slowly I come out of my shell. But the day I first met James, he instantly filled the awkward silence with conversation that didn't feel one sided and asked me about my tattoos. I love talking about my tattoos, it just makes me feel calm and at peace. And better than anything, James gave good hugs.

We left Wilbur's pretty soon after James arrived and Wilbur carried my bag, leaving me with just my backpack, in an effort to prove to James how strong he was. And in my head, I slightly eased myself into telling everyone by not masking. And as we walked along, I didn't look up much, only really to look at the sky or a group of seagulls. I messed with my rings. I could see the worried looks Wilbur and James are exchanging which did make me feel a little guilty, but without the masking, the whole social construct part of my head began to fall to pieces a little, so I felt bad and yet changed nothing. It was only when we sat down on the train that either of them said anything.

"Are you alright Niki?" James started. I stared at my shoes, they really needed cleaning.

"Yea, I'm alright."

"You just seem a little off?" Wilbur added.

"I'm okay!" I said, in my normal happy tone. That was the one thing I never masked, my voice. My tone was messy and I blamed it on my accent, it was half true. But I spoke the way I spoke, and I barely ever managed to mask my tone in German, I gave up when it got to English.

"You sure?" James continued.

"Can I tell you both something?"

"Of course, anything." Wilbur said, looking at me, worried but also trying to be comforting. I looked to James who gave the same expression.

"I wanted to tell everything something this trip. But I've been doing some research and I wanted you to know I'm probably autistic. And by probably I mean pretty much. Look, I'm still trying to work out how to get diagnosed. But it's pretty obvious."

"That's amazing Niki, thanks for telling me." James said, pulling me into a hug. "Can I ask one question?"

"Sure."

"Is that why you do those little excited flicks with your fingers?"

"You noticed that?" He nodded with a smile. "Yea probably, haha." It felt nice, to have something about you stand out but you always fitting in. My parents always taught me those we two different things, I'm starting to think they aren't.

I looked across at Wilbur. He stared at the floor and wasn't saying anything. "Will?"

"Yea, sorry. That's great. I'm going to go get some fresh air."

"Oh," I said as he rose from his seat and left me and James sat there. I suddenly felt my parents were probably right all along. A wave of worry washed over me with seaweed doubt that got caught in my mind.

"It's okay Niki, don't worry about him. I think he just needs some time to process it. I'm not like everyone else in that fact." I looked at him, confused and wanting to hear more. He sighed before saying, "I had a teacher at secondary school who used to essentially take the mick out of the disabled kids. Only thing was, he knew how to find the kids who weren't diagnosed and make fun of them too. In truth, I'm probably not enough to be diagnosed as autistic, but I'm more than the average population. But I'm not going to say, I'm a little bit autistic cause that's just stupid. But I get this stuff just a little more."

I just hugged James, hiding teary eyes in his coat. Why did I ever do this? It would have been fine, if I'd just left things as they were. Why did I go and have to say something to ruin it all!

"Niki?" I knew who it was talking. I didn't want to look up from James' shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't want you to think I was rude but I uh needed a sh-t."

I looked up at him with my teary eyes and just from the look on his face could tell he was genuine. James laughed lightly, "you seriously couldn't have waited Will?"

"I mean, I was going to go when we got sat down but them something was up with Niki, so I just waited."

"I cried over nothing." I said, giggling and doing the finger flick.

"See! I'm not weird." James exclaimed pointing at my stim.

"I'm sorry Niki." Wilbur, said, reaching a hand out for me to hold.

"I want a hug at the other end as payment."

"Of course. And when you tell the others I'll be there for you, I won't be taking a sh-t."

"Good." I mumbled, smiling at my shoes again. Maybe things would be alright.

A/n HEY! Welcome back to this book. Of course this is just a one off post, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. But there is a second part out for this story, so go, go, go!