Mcyt -autistic- oneshots

No, I'm not having a panic attack (Tommy and James+Tubbo)

A/n Just to let you know, it will run a little differently to how the stream ran. And to remind you that: Tommy is nearly 18 and mature enough to make his own decisions. I'm writing this because it's a stupid story, with a real life prompt. However, Tommy is perfectly capable of leaving his current situation if he wants to, and there is no need to be concerned. Anyway, enjoy the story!

TW- panic attack

Tommy's POV:

I was doing my first stream from my new apartment. My new lovely, mould smelling apartment. It had been 2 weeks of chaos and I hoped to try and get back to normal. To be perfectly honest with you, it had been 2 weeks of stress. 

I don't deal with change of routine very well. I'm autistic and anything different to what I'm used, is just pure stress. My brain takes so long to process it all. So moving away from home was going to be difficult enough, let alone with all the issues. The landlord, the carbon monoxide, the mould! I was cold all the time, starting to feel a bit ill, tired and the constant stress was playing games in my brain. I was reaching burn out, and yet my brain thought the best way to get out of burn out was to stream. Like I said, my processing was pretty screwed.

The stream was okay; it was nice to be back. But as I started recapping everything that had happened, it quickly overwhelmed me. I hadn't truly processed it all before, too caught up in it happening to allow my brain the chance. But now I was sat in front of however many tens of thousands of people, and everything was crashing down around me. Still, I would be fine. I was an adult now, and I could deal with all the change I was facing. So I tried taking deep breaths, and make stupid jokes.

But when it was evident that I was being too loud, and Tubbo and James were threatening to scream, I just couldn't handle it. Every word could be a joke, just some sarcasm or a serious point they were trying to make to me, and I couldn't see a clear difference. They were just words, and sounds that didn't make sense. AND. EVERY. SINGLE. THING. WAS. HURTING!

In an effort to distract myself, I went on the origins server, but that didn't work.

Stuttering over my words, brain too quick for my mouth to keep up. "I'm panicking," I said turning to James with a light chuckle.

"Bro are you alright? Are you having a panic attack or something?"

"No! I'm not having a panic- no!" I covered it up quickly. Yes, yes I was having a panic attack and a meltdown and probably a sensory overload. But chat couldn't know. "But I'll tell you what I do want to do, let's go bowling, I'll end stream and we'll go bowling." Tubbo had mentioned it earlier and I needed a get out card.

"I don't really want to go bowling now." Tubbo spoke up, this was not the time for Tubbo to speak up, not the time at all. I looked quickly at James and from his shocked expression, I'm guessing he could see it written on my face that something was wrong.

"Okay, you finish your stream, and I'll go bowling with you Tommy."

"Thanks James, my man James. Right chat, I've got to go, have a great rest of your evenings, not going to raid anyone, just go do something fun!" I watched everything shut down and just broke down in an instant. Everything just hurt. Every muscle, every light, every sound, every thought and feeling my brain tried so desperately to process. I just sat and cried and hyperventilated and cried some more.

James' POV:

When Tommy asked to go bowling so quickly, I had a slight thought that something was wrong. He never changed his mind that quickly. After Tubbo denying his invitation he flashed a quick look at me, and that's when I knew that his answer to my question had been a lie. He was having a panic attack.

He signed off from his stream and everything went offline. And before I knew it, he was sat sobbing in his chair, unable to catch a single breath. "Tom?" No answer, he didn't even look like he had heard me. "Tommy, can you hear me?" Still nothing. "Tubbo, get in here." Tubbo waltzed in, completely unaware.

"Tom, you alright?" Still nothing.

I crouched down next to his chair, in the little space that was there. "Tommy, can you try and look at me?" I asked, waving a hand in front of his face. His glossed over eyes, brought forth more tears and he snapped his neck towards me. "You're okay, I'm going to help you. Take a deep breath in with me." I spoke calmly, quietly and in a manner as comforting as I could get it. He tried to take a deep breath with me, but went back to hyperventilating. "Hey, it's alright. Just keep trying with me. Would you like to hold my hands?" I moved them out towards him. He instantly retracted his whole body as far as he could. I could hear Tubbo talking to someone in the other room -the kitchen-.

He placed his hands over his ears and rocked back and forth, coaching him through more breathing exercises, I stayed right by his side. I was getting seriously worried about this kid. I mean I knew he was autistic, but this apartment was not safe, and he evidently needed some support. "Tom, I don't think you should be staying by yourself just yet."

"But am adult." I understood most of what he was saying through the tears that were still falling. At least at this point, his breathing had calmed down.

"Even adults need support mate, and you aren't even 18 yet."

"I don't know what to do anymore." I replied with nothing but a sad smile, there was nothing much to say.

Tubbo entered back into the room. "Your parents can't get down here until the weekend, but they don't want you staying here anymore." Tubbo said bluntly, evidently trying to help but not knowing how to do it in the right way.

"Tell you what Tommy, would you mind coming back to mine for a few hours? That way you are safe, and we can work this all out."

"Jus' wan' go home." He tried to dry his tears but they were persistent and kept falling.

"Well, if you really need to go home. You can stay at mine until your parents can come get you. But you staying here any longer is not a good idea, Tom."

"Stay with you?"

"Yep, just for a few days. You'd have to sleep on the sofa, but the heating will be on, and I'll make sure you stay warm. Would that be okay?"

"Will or you look after me?"

"We can see if Will can come hang out, but I can't promise anything. I'll do my best to help."

"Never been your house."

"I know you haven't, but where else are you going to go Tommy?" He just shrugged his shoulders, his tears starting up again.

"Wilbur's live at the moment, but you could probably call him after stream," Tubbo added.

Tommy looked towards me hopefully, and I nodded. "Get a bag packed and we'll get back to mine Tommy. I don't want any of the 3 of us here much longer."

He moved around the room quickly, but with little motion in his body, evidently the exhaustion was taking ahold. Tubbo and I stood in the kitchen, talking quietly with many pauses and breaks full of thought. Eventually, Tommy walked in, coat and shoes on, dragged a backpack full to the brim. "You ready to go?" He nodded but kept his eyes fixed to the floor. "We will get it sorted Tommy." Another nod. This was going to be a quiet evening.

Tommy closed up his appartment, giving Tubbo a small hug goodbye and then following me as I walked back to mine. The air was cold, and clouds filled the night's sky. I could hear the shuffle of Tommy's shoes from where he didn't pick them up off the pavement as he walked. It was a 20 minute walk back to mine, and apart from cars passing up by, and the odd person who would walk past us at a steady pace, it was silent. We held no conversation in the cold air.

A/n Hey. Thank you so much for reading. Nothing much else to say here, but yea, tell me how your day was today! I want to know, and if it wasn't great, just try again tomorrow, I believe in you. Hope you enjoyed and have an absolutely incredible day!

Thank you.